Difficult to Sustain Marriage

Hi, I am having a tough go in my marriage. We met when both of us were recovering from a breakup. My now husband was going through a divorce, and hindsight, he probably needed more time to “heal.” We moved in together after dating one year, and then married a year later. A few months before the wedding, I began to notice his irritability with me and his depression. We would fight and argue and never resolve. I felt that I couldn’t talk to him about anything, because he would get defensive and either not engage at all or get very angry. My husband has now started Zoloft (about 3 mos) and he sees a separate counselor. We went to a couple’s counselor for a year, and unfortunately, she thought it best to go to another therapist, being we weren’t getting anywhere and she thought we needed someone more “direct and a structured approach.” Last night, we started with another therapist who is focused on EFT. After the session, I brought something up at dinner, and my husband again got defensive and later angry. It’s easier to not “talk” to him at all. I am torn, being we have only been married for 7 months and the road seems very long. We are not getting our emotional, mental or physical needs met. Would you recommend a certain type of counselor? It’s overwhelming with who to pick. I don’t know if an EFT approach is best for directness and structured? Is it worth fighting for? Thank you for any advice and/or assistance with how to proceed. I am at a loss…

A: This seems more like the work for couple’s therapy rather than individual right now. If his symptoms came on as a result of your relationship it may be important to find out what role you play in the interaction. My recommendation is for the two of you to find a couple’s therapist in your area, the find help tab at the top of this sheet can help, and you can also find more information at this link.

Letting a professional see the two of you together may help to pinpoint what the issues are, and if your husband needs individual therapy that therapist is in a good position to make a recommendation.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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