I’ve been obsessed with psychopaths, sociopaths and serial killers for as long as I can remember. I started thinking “what would it be like to kill someone?”and I realize… I wouldn’t care if I hurt someone. In fact… I want to. Just watching that kind of power over someone’s life come from me, especially if it were an enemy. It wouldn’t affect me. When I was younger, I used to torture animals. Grab them by their tails and drag them down the hallway. My sister ended up calling me an “animal abuser” My sister is now afraid of me. I’ve hurt myself rather than hurting someone else because I just recently got in trouble for almost assaulting someone with a pair of scissors and I realized… I do not want to deal with that again. I am not here to seek help, I am here to seek answers.
If this counts for anything, I am extremely fascinated by taxidermy and I’d really like to do it myself. I’m a regular Norman Bates, Eh?
Norman Bates, Alfred Hitchcock’s memorable character in the movie Psycho, was a fictional person created for entertainment, and what you are experiencing sounds like it is anything but entertaining. Your descriptions seem very real, serious, and hurtful to yourself and others. The internal pain you’ve described along with the thoughts and actions are in-line with psychopathology. You might want to take this quiz developed here at PsychCentral to see where you score. Also, you may want to investigate our forums about your concerns as they would have more information for understanding. Of course, the most direct way to get answers is to make an appointment with a mental health professional who has published on these matters and offers clinical treatment.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral
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