I’m Always Mad at My Boyfriend

Hi. I would like some advice as to why I’m always mad at my boyfriend. I pick fights over the smallest things and i don’t want to be like this. I want to change into a better person. He is so good to me, i know he doesn’t deserve the way I treat him but I dont know how to control myself. I get mad over every little thing he does like coming home late from work or when he says things that i shouldn’t be getting mad over. OK so basically I get mad at things I shouldnt be getting mad over, I get mad at things I should be able to just brush off and keep going on about my day but I don’t and I can’t and it gets me very very frustrated because I know he’s getting tired of it and I know I could lose him over it but I can’t stop – Ive tried so many times to control myself and let things go and i am able to but it only lasts hours or maybe 1 day and I go back to how I was and I cant stop even though i know he could leave. I want to change and let all of the anger go, I know it’s not healthy which is why I want to change, I just don’t know how to…

There is an old saying that goes “actions speak louder than words.” What is meant by that is people’s intentions and or their true character is revealed by how they behave.

You admittedly treat him very poorly. Maybe it’s because you don’t treat most people very well. Without more information I can only speculate.

Your negative behavior damages the relationship, which if continued will likely lead to its demise. Maybe it’s because you don’t care about losing him. It could be your way of sabotaging the relationship. Some people refer to that as passive aggressive behavior. People who demonstrate passive aggressive qualities appear to comply or act appropriately but behave in ways that are fundamentally the opposite. They often exhibit relational aggression, negative behavior and are known to be stubborn and difficult.

If you are serious about changing your behavior, then your words have to match your actions. If you are struggling with change, then consult a therapist who can help you. A therapist will analyze your behavior and teach you how to have better relations with people.

As I mentioned above, it could be that you no longer want to be in this relationship. If that’s the case, it’s fine. People break up all the time. There’s nothing wrong with breaking up with someone who’s not a match for you. But what’s not acceptable is treating someone poorly and abusing them. That is never acceptable, under any circumstances, and you should do whatever is necessary to ensure that it does not continue.

One final consideration is that perhaps these issues are indicative of a mood problem. That is yet another reason to consult a therapist who can help to identify the problem. Best of luck to you.

Dr. Kristina Randle

from Ask the Therapist http://bit.ly/2WjWwtb
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