The relationship with my mom has worsened due to a lie I told back in February, which I took full responsibility for and I am aware that hiding my depression from her and the fact that I was seeing a physiologist without her knowing was not okay, but I felt as if she wouldn’t understand, because she’s always told me I make a big deal out of everything and that I want to make it seem like I’m a victim when I cry, so I was ashamed to tell her and face her criticism. As of lately I have returned with my ex-boyfriend, we separated previously about a month ago because I wanted time to focus on myself and When we argued it was very hard on me because I was at a vulnerable stage, Due to me being sensitive my mother would see me cry and she would immediately assume that my boyfriend was at fault, she assumes it was because of him that I fell depressed and she assumed that because of him I chose to take a break from school to better my mental health.
Now that I am back with him, she blames me every single day for choosing to ruin my life, she blames me for causing her pain, and she blames me for my family falling apart. It’s gotten to the point where I’m scared to go home due to the criticism I’ll have to face from her. She bases her opinions of my boyfriend found on some text messages she read, because she literally stole my phone and figured out my password, she crossed the line and invaded my privacy. She is now making me choose between my boyfriend or them, and honestly if she thinks that my boyfriend is the one hurting me she is very wrong, I love her very dearly, but now the only one causing me pain when I’m already feeling helpless is her. The other day she even ran away from my house for a straight two hours making me worry, and when she came back she threatened my 14-year-old sister and me saying she was going to leave us because she’s tired of living in this stupid country with two daughters who are a disappointment who use her and don’t appreciate her, AND THAT IS NOT TRUE (From Canada)
Your mom doesn’t sound like she’s able to take care of her own needs adequately. It also seems like she becomes overwhelmed when dealing with yours.
I think you going to a psychologist on your own was precisely the right thing to do. You are over the age where you’d need your mother’s permission, and her opinion should not influence your decisions. Your mental well-being, your boyfriend, your life — no longer needs your mother’s clearance.
It is time for you to develop greater autonomy, more independence, continued self-care, and individuation. Do what you can do is become more independent. It is time to get out and away from an intrusive, controlling mom. If she isn’t willing to understand your needs, respect your privacy, and understand her actions are harmful to you — then it may be time to craft a life away from her and more on your own.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral
from Ask the Therapist http://bit.ly/2XktN92
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