pi3: July 2019

From a young woman in Canada: We dated for 2 years, lived together and were really in love. I had problems moving to a new city a lot of things happened and I was unhappy with anxiety. It was too much on him and we broke up. We tried again but he would be hot and cold.. one moment he would say he was committed to trying and the next I wasn’t right for him. He said he still loves me and he can’t.

We are still friends but it is hard. He slept with someone for the first time since we officially broke up 8 months ago and we are both trying to date. But I want to be with him and I can’t seem to let go of hope even though he is trying to move on from me and wants to move on from me. How do I stop and just move on from him. I love him so much and he is all I want. We have a lot of good but also he feels we have different ways of dealing with adversity. He thinks I am amazing, out communication has greatly improved since we broke up but he can’t be with me and I struggle to let it go. He once said we had real love and now he is hot and cold or just distant from me but very sweet and fun in person.

I’m so very sorry that you are hurting. Breaking up with someone we love is one of the hardest things to do. But please take this man at his word. He is doing his best to let you down without devastating you. He is clearly not willing or able to pursue the kind of relationship you want. Ironically, it would be easier on you if he wasn’t so supportive of you. His kind words give you hope.

I wonder if you are holding on because you are still dealing with anxiety about where you are living and the things you said were happening. The relationship probably helped you cope. Now you are called upon to not lean on him but to figure out how to manage on your own.

You are not at all alone in your anxiety. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting about 40 million adults. The good news is that it is treatable. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has been found to be a very effective form of talk therapy. Often this is supplemented by some medication and coaching in some kind of mindfulness technique.

At this point, it’s a mistake to try to get the guy to change his mind. You need to focus on changing your response to difficulty. If you could do that on your own, I think you would have done so already. For that reason, I encourage you to find a therapist who can provide you with the support and unconditional acceptance that your former boyfriend can’t.

I wish you well,

Dr. Marie

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When Your Mind Keeps Telling You You’re a Failure

When Nita Sweeney decided to start running at 49 years old, her thoughts sounded like this: “You’re old, fat, and slow. You look funny in those clothes and they’re not even the right clothes anyway. People will laugh at you. You’re such a poser, acting like a ‘runner.’ Who do you think you are?”

When many of us start something new, our inner dialogue sounds the same. We already know we will fail. Miserably. And because our failure is inevitable, we’re better off not even trying. And often that’s exactly what we do: We don’t do anything.

Or maybe you can’t get over a recent (or past) failure. You failed an important final or an exam for your new career. You didn’t get a job you really wanted, or the promotion you worked really hard for. You gave a mediocre, maybe even embarrassing, speech.

And somehow that failed performance turned into I am a failure. Somehow that’s become your current perspective on anything you do. In fact, maybe you wake up to the sound of negative thoughts—I’m such an idiot, today won’t go well, I always fall short—and you fall asleep to the same song.

“Thoughts of failure can derive from many places, but especially from adverse childhood experiences, such as abuse, neglect, trauma, or violence,” said Kelly Hendricks, MA, a marriage and family therapist in San Diego.

Individuals who grow up in such environments, she said, might grow up believing: “I don’t matter. No one likes me. I can’t do anything right, especially not please or win the attention of my own family; therefore, I’m a failure.”

Or maybe you were surrounded by people who saw themselves as inadequate and talked about it regularly—and assumed the worst about life in general, Hendricks said.

Maybe the people around you talked about others in this way, said Tracy Dalgleish, C.Psych., a clinical psychologist and couples therapist working to take therapy outside of the therapy room by providing e-courses, community presentations, and workplace wellness seminars.

“Sometimes our definition of failure may not even be our own,” she said.

Thoughts of failure also can stem from our personality traits, such as perfectionism and the need for control or approval, Dalgleish said. While these traits can be invaluable in helping us to succeed and accomplish our goals, she noted they can become problematic when we don’t meet our own standards (or someone else’s).

Whether it feels like your failure is deeply entrenched or not, you can learn to effectively navigate these thoughts, instead of letting them run the show. Here’s how.

Start moving. Sweeney, an author, writing coach, and editor, found that once she started moving, the negative voice quieted down. For instance, she’d tell herself to “Just put on your running shoes” or “Just walk out the front door.” In fact, the seemingly simple act of moving forward inspired the title of her memoir: Depression Hates a Moving Target.

Think tiny. Similarly, Sweeney suggested readers do “something so tiny you cannot fail. Then, do that itsy-bitsy thing over and over until it becomes comfortable.” For example, she used an interval training plan that started with jogging for 60 seconds. She repeated this until it felt so easy that she “was nearly laughing at how simple it was. I became desensitized to a thing that would have terrified me before.”

Sweeney used the same approach for dealing with panic attacks while driving on the highway: She’d get on the highway at a place that had two exits close together. Then, she’d stay in the right lane until she reached her exit. “I repeated this until it was comfortable. Only then did I stay on the freeway [longer].”

Accept your thoughts. When we have a critical thought, we tend to further criticize ourselves for having it. So, I’m such a failure becomes I’m such an idiot for thinking I’m such a failure. Which, of course, only makes us feel worse.

What’s more helpful is to accept the thought exactly as it is—without judging it. Sometimes, this is all our thoughts need, said Dalgleish, also host of the podcast I’m Not Your Shrink. This doesn’t mean you actually like the thought; it means you’re acknowledging its presence.

According to Dalgleish, you might tell yourself: “Oh look, there is my mind again. It is telling me that I’m a failure. My mind likes to do that when these types of situations come up. I’m going to just notice that I am having this thought right now. I am going to notice that I feel tense and upset when I have that thought.”

Defuse your thoughts. “We become ‘fused’ to our thoughts, which means that we think it, and we believe it, and we run the thought on replay,” Dalgleish said. To help her clients “de-fuse” from their thoughts, she uses a powerful exercise from acceptance and commitment therapy: “We both write a difficult thought on a post-it note and then we wear it on our shirts. It helps to separate the thought, to take it out of our mind, and to actually see that it is just a string of words put together.”

She also suggested these strategies: Sing the thought to the tune of “Happy Birthday”; and visualize the thought on a TV and then adjust the brightness of the image or the color on the screen.

Redefine failure. We can change how we see failure. After all, failure isn’t fixed, and it isn’t gospel. “If you can see failure as simply moments when there are unexpected or undesired outcomes, then these unexpected or undesired outcomes will have no attachment to you as a person,” Hendricks said. Consequently, this protects your core identity and creates opportunities and room for growth, she said.

According to Dalgleish, you might ask yourself: Is there another way of viewing this situation or event? “If I were taking a birds-eye view, what would I see? Have others experienced this and coped as well?” What can I learn from this? How can I view this as an opportunity or invitation?

Try meditation. This also was a helpful practice for Sweeney, who’s meditated for years. Sometimes, she’d do a quick body scan to identify where she was feeling these feelings of failure. Usually, she said, it was her belly or throat. “If I stood still for a moment and let those sensations be, they passed. When the body sensations passed, the negative thoughts also stopped.”

Surround yourself with supportive people. When you forget how capable, competent, and gifted you are, it can help to have people in your corner to remind you, Hendricks said. Plus, these individuals are likely speaking about themselves in positive ways, too, which can rub off on you, she added.

Create a daily mantra. “Research shows that if we tell ourselves how we want to be, or if we write it down, we are more likely to act in line with it,” Dalgleish said. Which is why she suggested creating a daily mantra or “radical statement of acceptance,” such as: “I am right where I need to be” or “I’m doing the best that I can” or even “Let it go.”

Lean into failure. Dalgleish quoted Buddhism teacher Pema Chödrön, who said: “Fail. Fail again. Fail better.” This means, Dalgleish said, that it’s “inevitable to not fail or to not face challenging situations. It is part of the human condition to experience difficulties—not meeting our expected outcome.” So, show up for the hard things. You just “might gain a lot from failing over and over again.”

Seek professional help. Whether your thoughts of failure are due to a difficult childhood or combination of personality traits, working with a therapist can help. As Dalgleish said, this “can be one of the many ways to help create change.”

Today, Sweeney still struggles with negative thoughts. As she said, “It’s ridiculous. I’ve run three full marathons, 27 half marathons in 18 states, and more than 80 shorter races. But if I don’t run for a few days, my mind says, ‘That was fun while it lasted, but you’re done. You’ve forgotten how to run and all your endurance is gone.’”

The only solution, Sweeney said, is to thank her mind for thinking it needs to protect her, ask her mind to hang tight for several minutes, and go out for a run.

“My mind needs to be shown.”

Maybe your mind does, too.

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Politics are in our DNA - why societies evolved to have both conservatives and liberals.

Sebastian Junger points out an evolutionary rationale for the presence of both liberals and conservatives within a group - that over our evolutionary history such heterogeneity has proven to enhance a group's ability to compete with other groups. One could wish that respect for these deep roots of our current political polarization might ameliorate the culture of contempt that currently prevails between red and blue America. There are now numerous studies correlating conservative or liberal orientation with basic biological differences, notably studies on young adults showing correlations between political orientation, brain structures, and genetics. Such differences can be shaped by different socialization processes (such as strict versus nurturant family values). Yudkin reviews differences in core beliefs (on how dangerous the world is, on personal responsibility, on parenting philosophy, etc.) between conservatives and liberals to suggest that the sides are more aligned on many issues than they realize.

Here is a clip from Junger's article:

If liberalism and conservatism are partly rooted in genetics, then those worldviews had to have been adaptive — and necessary — in our evolutionary past. That means that neither political party can accuse the other of being illegitimate or inherently immoral; we are the way we are for good reason. Every human society must do two things: It must be strong enough to protect itself from outside groups, and it must be fair enough to avoid internal conflict. A society entirely composed of liberals risks being overrun by enemies, and a society entirely composed of conservatives risks breaking apart over issues of inequality — “social justice,” as it’s now termed.

Put those groups together, however, and you have addressed the two greatest threats to human welfare: enemies and discord. The task for every society, from the earliest Homo sapiens of Africa to Americans of the 21st century, is to accommodate different values and worldviews into one ethos. It’s not easy to do, but our own genetic diversity clearly demonstrates that it’s possible. Otherwise, one set of values would have gradually dominated the other until there was no political discord at all, just a broad, flat uniformity. That may sound appealing at the moment. But in the long term, what a great loss that would be.

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Those 5 Stages of Grief: Does Mourning Really Unfold Like That?

Sometimes a psychological phenomenon becomes so well-known that even people with no training whatsoever in psychology are familiar with it. That’s true for the five stages of grief, as described by the psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross back in 1969. When someone dies, she suggested, the first reaction of the loved ones left behind is denial. Anger comes next, then bargaining, then depression. Finally, after all those stages have passed, mourners experience some acceptance of their loss.

Originally, Kubler-Ross formulated the stages of grief to describe the reactions of patients who had terminal illnesses. But she never conducted a systematic study of people’s reactions to the death of a loved one, and whether those reactions change over time in the way she predicted. Over the years, researchers have stepped in to try to see whether Kubler-Ross was right.

They found that, with regard to the order in which various reactions peak over time, Kubler-Ross was spot on. She was wrong, though, about the frequency with which the bereaved experience different emotions. The most important conclusion of research on stages of grief, though, is that there is no one way to grieve. Different people mourn in different ways. Their stages may be different than the ones Kubler-Ross described, or they may not go through different stages at all.

The Unfolding of Grief for 2 Years After the Loss of a Loved One: A Test of the 5 Stages

In “An empirical examination of the stage theory of grief,” published in the prestigious Journal of the American Medical Association, Paul K. Maciejewski and his colleagues studied the bereavement process in 233 people from Connecticut who had recently experienced the death of a loved one. Beginning one month after the loss, and continuing for two years, the researchers asked the mourners about their experiences.

Professor Maciejewski included in the study only those people whose loved one died of natural causes and not from violence or some other traumatic event. Most of the mourners who agreed to participate were white. On the average, they were 63 years old. Most often, the person who had died was a spouse, though some people in the study were mourning the loss of an adult child, a parent, or a sibling.

The researchers did not ask about one of Kubler-Ross’s five stages — bargaining. That’s the stage in which mourners are preoccupied with what they could have done differently (for example, “if only I had asked for a second opinion”). They asked instead about a different stage — yearning. People who are yearning experience “a sense of emptiness.” They are “preoccupied with the person who has been lost, seeking reminders and reliving memories.”

If Maciejewski and his colleagues had studied Kubler-Ross’s stages, they would have looked at these reactions, and expected them to occur in this order:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Instead, they tested a slightly different sequence:

Disbelief (denial)
Yearning
Anger
Depression
Acceptance

The researchers found that if they looked at the frequency with which people experienced each of those reactions, Kubler-Ross got it wrong:

Mourners experienced acceptance more often than every other reaction. That was true at each of the three major periods of time — between 1 and 6 months after the loss; between 6 months and a year after the loss; and between 1 and 2 years after the loss.
Yearning was always experienced next-most-often.
Depression was always the third most often experienced reaction of the five that were studied.
Disbelief and anger were experienced least often.

However, there’s another way of thinking about this. For each reaction, when does it reach its peak? For example, even though mourners experienced acceptance more often than any other reaction during every time period, when did acceptance reach its peak? When was it most likely to be experienced? If Kubler-Ross is right, then acceptance should reach its peak at the last stage.

That’s what the authors found. Acceptance increased over time, reaching its peak at the end of the study — two years after the loss.

All of the other reactions also reached their peak in the predicted order:

Mourners were most likely to experience disbelief (denial) soon after the loss.
Yearning reached its peak next — about 4 months after the loss.
Anger reached its peak about 5 months after the loss.
Depression peaked 6 months after the loss.
Acceptance increased steadily over time, reaching its highest level when the study ended, 2 years after the loss.

These results offer a different answer to the question of whether reactions to grief unfold in the way that Kubler-Ross predicted: Yes, each reaction peaks exactly in the order that she predicted. One of the reactions she discussed, bargaining, was not assessed in the study, so we cannot know how often mourners really do experience that, or when it peaks.

Mental health professionals learned something important from this study. In writings about grief, and in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM), the official guide to diagnosing mental disorders, depression gets all the attention. Yearning is not even mentioned in the bereavement section of DSM. Yet, it is the most commonplace of all the negative reactions to the death of a loved one.

The good news from this study is that, on the average, after 6 months, all of the negative reactions declined. A half year after the death of their loved one, mourners experienced disbelief, yearning, anger, and depression less often than they had before. The one positive reaction that was studied, acceptance, continued to increase over time.

In this study, as in all research in the social sciences, the findings describe the average reactions across all the people in the study. Many people, though, have different experiences.

The Most Important Finding Across All Studies of Grief: Different People Grieve in Different Ways

The experience of grief is deeply personal. There is no one way, and certainly no one “right” way, to experience the death of a person you loved. As psychology professor Nick Haslam noted:

“Some of the stages may be absent, their order may be jumbled, certain experiences may rise to prominence more than once, and the progression of stages may stall. The age of the bereaved person and the cause of death may also shape the grief process.”

Not everyone will be fortunate enough to experience less pain over the loss after six months have passed. In his discussion, Haslam described another study of people who had recently been widowed. Some of them, he said, “fell into a long-lasting depression.” Others were depressed before their spouse died and recovered afterwards. Still others “were fairly resilient and had experienced low levels of depression throughout.”

Whatever form your journey through grief takes, be kind to yourself. Don’t judge yourself or try to meet someone else’s standards for how you should be doing. The death itself is hard enough without adding any other needless pressures.

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Tuesday, 30 July 2019

Narcissistic Traits or is it Something Else?

In recent years, there has been a great deal written about mothers and spouses or partners with narcissistic traits. What if sometimes those apparent “traits” were actually symptoms of another...

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Human Consciousness Creates Reality, Scientist Argues (M)

What we perceive has little relation to reality, argues Professor Donald Hoffman.

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A Mental Sign Of Vitamin B12 Deficiency

The body uses vitamin B12 to make red blood cells and to keep the nervous system healthy.

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I Have a Few Things to Ask Because I’m Unsure What They All Mean

Recently I cannot do things I used to do I don’t want to be social with my friends anymore and would rather stay on my own. Along with this, I can no longer have a conversation with my grandparents or dad because of social anxiety even though I could before. When in school now I will feel positive but I know somehow that I’m not and I then will go home afterward and completely change even though I don’t know why I just suddenly end up being really sad. I’ve heard of bi-polar but I don’t know if this is it or if it’s all just social anxiety.

I have been having these reoccurring dreams which either feature people I know as dead puppets along with me screaming about my own death at a black ghost wolf or they have me dying of a stroke in bed with nobody hearing me die. After either shouting about death or dying from a stoke in my dreams I wake up burning don’t feel scared. Are these normal or am I experiencing things that I shouldn’t because I honestly don’t know and really want to find out.

I have it in my head that time recently has been moving very fast for me and all choices made are permanent yet after thinking that I still would rather never make choices and I feel like I’m unable to control my life. For some reason I keep thinking that my life is able to be reversed easily which it isn’t but for some reason I still act like it is, because I know that I can’t do that whenever I’m asked about my plan for life I can’t actually think and the first thing I think of is jumping off a building to avoid ever having to.

I’m sorry if all this is just me overreacting at problems that don’t exist but I just want to find out either what they are or if they can be dealt with because at the moment I don’t really react to them and I don’t want these thoughts and dreams to become normal for me. (From England)

Thank you for writing us and expressing you concerns. It sounds like they have been very difficult to manage.

Yet I am aware that you have taken some direct control already by laying out the symptoms and issues in your email. For someone who says he doesn’t have control, you shown two important things already by writing this email. The first is that there is a very healthy part of you that knows these concerns aren’t how you’d like to feel. That part of you is looking to set things straight and for you to get better.

Secondly, you took the time to explain each of the symptoms concerning social isolation, social anxiety, mood shifts, bipolar concerns, recurring nightmares, and an existential dilemma concerning having control in your life. The you who is reporting all of these concerns is the very healthy part of you that is looking for some answers, that has control enough to reflect and make this report, and is willing to get some guidance.

The key to your question is in the last sentence that you “… don’t want these thoughts and dreams to become normal to me.” The ”me” you speak of is precious because it has been watching and noticing these things and is ready for some help in dealing with them. The next step is to find someone who can help. Since you are 16, I would talk to your parents about getting an appointment to talk to a therapist. You’ve taken a big step in dealing with these issues by writing us here — now it is time to work with someone one-on-one to help sort them through.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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You Are Not Your Thoughts

Listen closely because what I’m about to share with you may help release years of unnecessary stress, confusion, and emotional exhaustion. Simply put: You are not your thoughts. Please repeat that to yourself three more times, as it can be an important realization on your path to emotional peace. Yes, the brain is a powerful thing and when we focus on our goals, we can make them happen. But… it’s not our thoughts themselves that bring things to fruition, it’s our actions.

The premise that we are our thoughts and that somehow just thinking (or even obsessing!) about something will draw that energy to us and magically make it happen is just that: magical.

If our thoughts, alone, were that powerful, then the world would have ended many a century ago (think about how long doomsayers have been predicting the end of time). Our population would probably be at most a quarter of what it is today (think about all the worries that plague the minds of most parents). And almost all of us would be dead or dying at this very moment due to concerning thoughts, which include deadly diseases, accidents, and, well, the fear of death itself.

Although Freud proposed that thoughts are innately related to who we are, the more modern system cognitive behavioral therapists follow is that thoughts are merely thoughts — not indicators that paint a picture of who we are. In fact, thoughts are often in direct opposition to the thinker. People who suffer from OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) and anxiety often ruminate about the darkest of fears, as they have been shown to actually be more conscientious than the average person and, thus, obsess about whatever horrid thoughts come to the surface because they are so horrified that they are having them.

In her piece, “Bizarre Thoughts and Me: Confessions of an OCD Therapist,” psychotherapist Stacey Kuhl Wochner shares this: “I am a therapist who treats Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and I have bizarre thoughts. Here is my big revelation. We all have them. It’s not just you. And I do not have OCD.” She then shares a long list of many bizarre thoughts that she had recorded in just a few weeks’ time. Here is a sampling: “I had a thought that I didn’t want to leave fibromyalgia in the search box of my phone, lest I get it; I had a thought about punching my husband in the face in bed… and I wasn’t even mad at him; I had a thought that I should tear up the paper with my parents address on it before throwing it away to keep them safe.”

Wochner states that there are still common misperceptions about thinking that include how thoughts are meaningful links to the inner being of the thinker, and how our thoughts are sometimes considered bad omens for the future. In other words, we’re all taking our thoughts too seriously — and need to learn how to let the negative ones float on by. An answer, by the way, to the misperception that thoughts can be considered bad omens, it’s imperative to remember that statistically, bad things are going to happen whether we think about them or not. On the other side of the coin, it’s also important to note here that our more positive thoughts can not only help us realize our goals but may be good for our health as well.

A New York Times article by Jane E. Brody titled “A Positive Outlook May Be Good for Your Health,” notes that in a study about participant’s views on aging, positive thoughts “can enhance belief in one’s abilities, decrease perceived stress and foster healthful behaviors.” Researchers have also found that positive emotions can boost the immune system, counter depression, lower blood pressure, and decrease heart disease. In this way, when our thoughts are focused on the positive, they can be seen as magical! But, just because some dark thoughts may intrude along the way, whatever healthy behaviors that may have stemmed from your more solution-based thought processes will continue to benefit you.

It’s all about being aware that the intrusive, scary thoughts are merely unsubstantial puffs of nothingness that we should learn to blow off, and that our intentional, positive thoughts can help shape our behaviors in productive ways. In conclusion, you are not your thoughts; you are the sum of so much more, including your intent and, more importantly, action.

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Monday, 29 July 2019

How Your Movements Reveal Your Personality (M)

Extraverts, introverts and other personality factors are revealed by how people move.

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A Wonderful Sign Of High IQ

One more benefit of being above average in intelligence.

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The Common Food That Lowers Cholesterol Levels

HDL cholesterol, known as "good" cholesterol, is important in lowering the risk of heart disease.

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How Do I Help My Narcissistic Friend?

From a young man in the U.S.: My question is if there is a psychological explanation for a person choosing someone that treats him poorly over someone that was always there for him and trying to do what he wanted. I always was there for my friend S when he was complaining about his friend C, and I was always trying to make S happy. No matter what C did to S, S always forgave C instantly, but never me if I did anything similar.

After speaking to some therapists and doing research, I found out that S does have many narcissistic traits and sort of emotionally abused me throughout our friendship. It’s really confusing how S always claimed to love me but never really acted like it, but always really acted like he loves C, someone who doesn’t treat S well. Is there any sort of explanation for this? Thanks.

Without meeting “S”, I can’t give you an explanation of his behavior. I can only venture a few possibilities: It could be that he feels he deserves the ill treatment. It could be that he for some reason gets something out of the cycle of hurt, forgiveness, good times, hurt, …

It could be that in his eyes, “C” has something he wants that you don’t have. It could be that there is more to his relationship with “C” than you know. Whatever it is, “S” isn’t giving you enough information to understand it and hasn’t asked for your help in dealing with it.

From my point of view, you are asking the wrong question: Your energy would be much better spent investigation why you stick with this friend who isn’t a friend to you and who, in fact, emotionally abuses you. Your relationship seems very one sided, with you always “being there” but “S” putting his attention on “C”. Why are you interested in salvaging a relationship where your love and care isn’t returned? It’s likely that your love will not be reciprocated.

There’s an old saying: “Don’t try to teach a pig to sing. You will only frustrate yourself and make the pig angry.” You aren’t likely to change your friend no matter how well you understand him.

You can change yourself. You deserve so much better than this relationship can give you. Ask yourself why you are willing to put up with “S”. What can be gained by continuing your efforts? I’m sure the answer to this is complicated. If you can’t figure it out on your own, it might be helpful to see the therapists you consulted about “S” to instead talk about yourself.

I urge you to take a huge step away from this so-called friendship. There is no need to get into drama about it. Don’t explain why. Don’t argue. Just stop being available. Then get involved with something where you will meet other people who are about your age and who share your interests. Give yourself the chance to meet other interesting people. With time and the development of friendships, you will eventually find a friend who will give as well as take.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Podcast: Sexual Side Effects Caused by Psychiatric Medications

It’s common knowledge that psychiatric medications are prone to sexual side effects. It’s often referenced in the advertising. Since most people living with mental illness want to be both happy and have a satisfying sex life, this creates a bit of a quandary

Are the two things mutually exclusive? What does a person on psychiatric medications do when the cure seems worse than the illness? Listen in to find out now!

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“The sexual side effects of [psychiatric] medications are the number one reason people stop taking them.”
– Gabe

Highlights from ‘Medication Sexual Side Effects’ Episode

[1:25] Let’s talk about masturbation.

[4:00] The frustrations of psychiatric medications and our sex lives.

[10:00] How to resolve sexual side effects.

[13:30] Gabe’s unmedicated sex drive versus his current sex drive.

[17:00] Should you talk to your partner about sexual issues caused by medication?

[19:30] Women should not be embarrassed to talk to their doctors about sexual side effects.

[22:00] Women vs. men when it comes to handling sexual issues.

Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Sexual Side Effects Caused by Psychiatric Medications’ Show

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Announcer: For reasons that utterly escape everyone involved, you’re listening to A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. Here are your hosts, Gabe Howard and Michelle Hammer.

Gabe: You are listening to A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast with me, Gabe, who has bipolar.

Michelle: And I’m Michelle and I’m schizophrenic.

Gabe: And we have a new addition to the show, ever since we started, we have had a producer and we make our producers not talk because Michelle and I.

Michelle: We can’t stop talking.

Gabe: I Don’t know. Yeah, we’re control freaks. But apparently there’s like a union she wants to talk. So introducing to the show, I guess to talk now, our producer, Lisa.

Lisa: Hello.

Michelle: Hello, Lisa.

Lisa: I don’t actually want to talk. I just need you all to talk better.

Gabe: We don’t want her to share her opinion or be like a person because it’s really about Gabe and Michelle. But she thinks that she has ideas to make the show better.

Michelle: Yeah. Um-hmm.

Gabe: And, you know, things being what they are.

Michelle: We’re letting her in, just gonna let her.

Gabe: We decided.

Lisa: This is going to be the best show you’ve ever had.

Michelle: We’re trying our best. We’ve got a lot of fun stuff to chat about today, Gabe, don’t we?

Gabe: We do, Michelle. Let’s talk about masturbation.

Michelle: Let’s talk about masturbation, you want me to start with this, Gabe?

Gabe: Well, let’s do just a slight bit of setup so that we don’t whiplash the audience, because I think I’m not 100 percent sure, but I think people who don’t have mental illness also masturbate. I’m not sure because I’ve always been mentally ill and I’ve always masturbated.

Michelle: I think everyone masturbates, Gabe.

Gabe: What did they say, that there was a survey out there and determined there was two types of people, those who masturbate and those who lie about it.

Michelle: Yes, agreed on that one.

Gabe: But what we’re specifically.

Lisa: That was Jocelyn Elders. Sorry, but it was.

Gabe: No, no, say it again.

Lisa: That was Jocelyn Elders. She was the surgeon general at the time.

Gabe: Oh, we are so glad that you have facts. That’s what the show has been missing.

Lisa: I could give you the actual percentages. Or not, whatever.

Gabe: All right. What are they?

Lisa: I think I was 86 and like 92. And the rest lied.

Gabe: Ninety two percent lied?

Lisa: No, 86% of women say that they masturbate and 92% of men. And the rest lie.

Gabe: That is absolutely fascinating.

Lisa: I feel like I really contributed.

Gabe: You know what I like about having Lisa on the show now? Michelle and I, instead of hating each other, we now collectively hate you. Welcome.

Michelle: I don’t hate Lisa. What are you talking about? Why are you dragging me into this?

Gabe: Because you’re supposed to be on my side. Whenever there’s a fight you’re supposed to be.

Michelle: We’re just talking about jerking off. We’re talking about jerking off. You know, wanka this, wanka that, wanka all the time.

Gabe: I now have a better understanding of why you miss so many deadlines. Specifically this show is about the sexual side effects of psychiatric medications. We just tabled it by masturbation because that’s really how people figure it out the most. At least that’s been Gabe and Michelle’s experience. We’ve been fine. We’ve had issues. And we’re working this problem out all by ourselves. But we found out that it was very common. The sexual side effects of medication are really the number one reason that people stopped taking their medication.

Michelle: Absolutely, right. Because, as you have said, Gabe, before, dicks a flopping, not a fun time.

Gabe: But what we’re specifically talking about here is not when it’s just gone, you know, obviously if I’m having erectile dysfunction, there’s no attempt to resist. I’m looking down. Nothing’s happening. My mom has now turned this episode off and we can really get into the meat and potatoes pun intended of this conversation. But what happens when it’s when it’s not quite there, it’s not quite gone. You know, so like in male parlance, it’s semi hard.

Michelle: Well, the thing is, before psych meds, things that used to take three minutes, now take 30 minutes and it’s very frustrating and it’s not fun and it’s just not easy. So you have to expand into some sort of vibrational toy. And, Gabe, you

Gabe: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Michelle: You know, I’m just saying I was just saying in a sexual experience, if we’re gonna talk about masturbating, that, you know, with yourself is always quicker. But when you take psych meds, you know, your hands ain’t going to do what they used to do. You have to come in with a vibrational toy, which is gonna be much more handy for yourself. And when you’re with a partner, well, you see what I’m saying, Gabe, because this all came about when I texted Gabe and said, Gabe, I’m going to come out with a vibrator and I’m going to brand it and it’s going to be the best vibrator for everyone who’s on psych meds. And you were like, well, what about the other vibrators that are supposed to be the best?

Gabe: No, no, no, no, you are telling the story way wrong. So first, let’s set the scene.

Michelle: Ok, let’s set the scene, OK? You don’t like how I’m telling the story, Gabe?

Gabe: No, you tell the story God awful. First, let’s set the scene. Focus on the middle aged man in his robe, sitting on his couch watching the People’s Court at like 130 a.m. in the morning. And my phone, it goes off. Bing! And I look down and there’s a text message from Michelle and Michelle says, “I want to invent a vibrator for psychiatric patients.” And I said, What? And she goes, “You know, a vibrator for crazy people.” And I said, What? Why would a vibrator need to be different for crazy people? And Michelle said, “Well, you know, it’s stronger so that you can push through.” And then she tells me how she used to be able to climax. That’s not her word. But again, we’re trying to have some decorum around this subject.

Michelle: Decorum.

Gabe: She used to be able to climax in three minutes. And now it’s taking 30. Now, listen, I have been told all of my life that climaxing quickly is bad. So I’m not understanding what the problem is. But Michelle assures me that this is problematic for her. And she says that she wants to invent a vibrator that is so strong it can help a woman who is on psychiatric medication climax quickly.

Michelle: The best idea ever, is it not the best idea ever? It’s the best idea in the whole world? I think so. I think I should come out with it. But then Gabe tells me what?

Gabe: It’s already been invented. It’s called the magic wand.

Michelle: So what do I do at 130 thirty in the morning? Go on Amazon and buy the magic wand.

Gabe: My favorite part is when you texted me back and said. “This motherfucker plugs in?”

Michelle: Yeah, you got to plug it in to get the most power. What kind of thing

Gabe: Well, yeah.

Michelle: Is that? You can’t use it in the shower or the bath. You gonna get electrocuted

Gabe: What the hell is happening? You wanted this thing to be strong enough to push through the psychiatric medications and you wanted this to be done on, what, a couple of C batteries?

Michelle: You charge it and then it’s good to go. I don’t know why you have to plug it in and then the cord. Hopefully you got like an extension cord or you have a surge protector that’s near the bed. What if the cord is just not long enough? You know what, if the cord isn’t long enough?

Gabe: I don’t know.

Michelle: What if the cord is not long enough? You plug this thing in? And then what do I know? Next week in the mail, this gigantic box comes. This thing is gigantic. I think I should still come out with my own. And it’s gonna be specifically branded for people on psych meds because we spoke about it before. Gabe, when you’re on psych meds, your sex drive is so much harder. Oh, pun intended to make you actually climax. It is way harder. You know, Gabe.

Gabe: The pun is wrong, though, it’s not so much harder. It’s so much softer,

Michelle: Oh, yes.

Gabe: Which is the problem.

Michelle: Well, that was a bad pun on my thing, but I mean, I tested this. I used it. It’s good, but there can be a better one and I’m gonna make it.

Gabe: Wait. Ok. All right. OK, so. So wait a minute, you get the vibrator. It’s gigantic in a box. You open it up. You take off all the packing material. Do you do an unboxing video?

Michelle: I didn’t do an unboxing video. No, not for that. No, I

Gabe: You might lose your millennial card.

Michelle: I might.

Gabe: But anyways, you take it out of the box, you plug it in?

Michelle: Ta-da!

Gabe: So it worked?

Michelle: Well, they all eventually work. It’s just how well do they work? They all vibrate. All vibrators do vibrate. But how well do they vibrate?

Gabe: How well did it vibrate?

Michelle: I’ve used better.

Gabe & Lisa: Really?

Michelle: Yes.

Lisa: What kind? Do you have a brand name for that one?

Michelle: I don’t know the brand.

Lisa: Then how good could it be?

Michelle: I was with somebody else.

Gabe: Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. You had a vibrator that wasn’t doing the job, you bought a different vibrator. You’re saying that that one doesn’t do the job,

Michelle: No.

Gabe: But then you say that you know of this magical vibrator that’s better, but yet you were using the one that you didn’t think was better.

Michelle: Because that vibrator.

Gabe: There’s only two choices here.

Michelle: The one that I used that was better, was not my vibrator.

Gabe: Ok. That’s just disgusting.

Lisa: No it’s not.

Michelle: So I was in it. I was in a situation.

Gabe: You were in a situation?

Michelle: I wasn’t, I was in a situation, you know, so now you know, you’re here, you’re there, you’re with this, you’re with that. Hey, look what I got here. Brrrrrrr. Brrrrrr. You know?

Lisa: I know exactly what you’re saying.

Michelle: I’m saying I was in a situation and, you know, and that one was better. Whatever it was, it was smaller too. Dude, this thing, looks like it came from like, who know is this this thing of the land looks like a back massager, motherfucker.

Gabe: Michelle, sincerely, all joking aside, this is a concern. This is a legitimate concern where people who are on psychiatric medications to stay well, because listen, living with schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, psychosis, that is shit. But you know what else is shit? Not being

Michelle: Right.

Gabe: Able to have an orgasm. And I wish that we could just solve the problem. All joking aside, by buying magic wands off Amazon, I wish that we could say to all people who are having sexual side effects because of psychiatric medications. Hey, just buy a magic wand and you’ll be fine. But that was probably ridiculous and hopeful thinking from the get go as fun as this story has been.

Michelle: I agree. At one point I was put on an antidepressant generic and I couldn’t arrive at all. I told my doctor and you said, oh, well, take this one, it’s the same one, but it’s not the generic. I said, is it really going to be different? He goes, Well, they’re not the same. So I switched to the name brand and then I could arrive. So there are a little tweaks you can make, but I would like to say that even though it takes me a much longer time, I’d much rather be on my psych meds than to not be on psych meds and have three minutes.

Gabe: It is kind of like a shitty choice that people have to make because we’re dealing with our sex lives and many of us are young. And when I say young, I don’t mean 20. I mean young 30, 40, 50. We’re sexual creatures. We want to have sex. Sex is fun. We should have as much sex as humanly possible, whether it’s by ourselves or with a partner. And it’s good. It’s good.

Michelle: It’s good. Yeah, yeah.

Gabe: And then this medicine comes and takes it away.

Michelle: I like good sex. I like good sex. You like sex. Everybody likes good sex. So if you need a little help, you need a little help. What’s wrong with that? That’s why I’m going to make the best vibrator there ever was for psych meds. Just wait for it. What should I name it, Gabe?

Gabe: Bullshit 101? I don’t know. There’s no such thing as a magic vibrator that can fix sexual dysfunction caused by psychiatric medications.

Michelle: But I can try my best.

Gabe: You could try your best.

Michelle: Is this an irrational thought that I’m having right now? Because I think it’s necessary. I do think it’s necessary.

Gabe: I don’t know that it’s an irrational thought as much as I think that it’s wishful thinking. Here’s what you want. Don’t don’t try to make a joke. Be honest. You want your psychiatric medications to keep you mentally well and healthy and you want to have a great sex life.

Michelle: Yes.

Gabe: And you think the solution to that is the magical vibrator that you were going to invent?

Michelle: Yes.

Gabe: That’s the part that’s batshit crazy. There is no such thing as a magical vibrator that’s going to fix this. We’ve got to look for other ways to solve this problem.

Michelle: What are the other ways, Gabe? Teach me, teach me the ways.

Gabe: Michelle, I don’t really think of you that way, I think of you more as a friend.

Michelle: Oh, I see. OK. OK. I need a better lover. Is that what you’re saying?

Gabe: No, that’s not what I’m saying at all. I mean, maybe, maybe, but

Lisa: Elaborate on that at length.

Michelle: Yeah, elaborate on that, Gabe. What do I need, Gabe?

Gabe: We’ll be right back after we hear from our sponsor.

Announcer: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com. Secure, convenient, and affordable online counselling. All counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist, whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face to face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counselling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Michelle: And we’re back having a chit chat about sexual side effects.

Gabe: Look. But before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, when I was 16, 17, 18, 19 years old, I could have sex in under three minutes with multiple partners and with myself constantly. No problem. A brisk wind would allow me to arrive.

Michelle: What kind of man wants to have sex in three minutes? Men aren’t supposed to have sex in three minutes.

Gabe: I’m not saying that we should or should not. I’m just saying that when I was younger, I could get an erection quickly, I could arrive quickly, and I had a really quick refractory period where I could then have sex again quickly. None of these things exist now that I’m 43. Some of that some of that is because of the psychiatric medications. But some of it is also because I’m 43. So when I say get a better lover, I’m not insulting any of the people who you are having sex with. I’m saying that as we age, we have to adjust the ways in which we have sex again. The way that I had sex at 20, while hypersexual, basically was just I don’t even know it was it was a thing of magic. Didn’t even have to get undressed. It was so quick. And now there’s like some work. You know, foreplay is important.

Michelle: Are you saying that I’m not doing any foreplay?

Gabe: Once again, nobody is insulting you. I’m curious as to why you are taking this so personally. It’s almost like you know that you’re selfish in bed.

Michelle: I’m not selfish in bed. What are you talking about? That has nothing to do with me and my sexual functioning. Me doing any foreplay on anybody else. So you’re saying like I’m a selfish lover and it’s all about me. I’m just trying to make a great experience for everyone involved, including myself. And I want the world, I want the world to have a great experience. The world’s.

Lisa: Okay, wait, I have an idea. Let’s turn this question over to the listeners. If you are sitting out there listening to this show, and you have had sex with Michelle, email us at show@PsychCentral.com and tell us how she did. Maybe throw in a numerical rating and any feedback you might have.

Gabe: That’s cruel. That is just so cruel.

Michelle: Please do. That would be great because I’ve never handed out any comment cards with a one through five rating or a little section for additional comments, so I would love to know what other people think I do in bed and how it really, really is. So let me know. Email show@PsychCentra.com. Am I good in bed or am I bad?

Gabe: This is terrible because I’m the one that checks that email address.

Lisa: I desperately want to read these emails.

Michelle: Listen here, people. And if you have had sex with me, was it before or after psych meds?

Lisa: Oh, that’s a good one. That’s a good one.

Gabe: How would they know?

Lisa: Well, they could give approximate dates.

Michelle: Approximate. Include approximate dates.

Gabe: Like you’d remember.

Lisa: And then you could do a side by side of which one is better. I love this plan. This is a good experiment; I love this experiment.

Michelle: And then I will rate the person who rated me, you know?

Lisa: I like it. It’s like eBay back in the day where you wouldn’t leave feedback unless someone left you feedback first. I get that.

Gabe: I like having Lisa on the show because she references things that are long gone that nobody will understand.

Lisa: I loved eBay. It was so much better before it went corporate.

Michelle: I’m proud.

Gabe: Obviously, I don’t think a whole bunch of people are going to e-mail us, but it illustrates the point that I’m trying to make, which is that you have to talk to your partner. I don’t think you should hand out comment cards, but the way that we have sex evolves, just like the way that we do, everything evolves. And often we’re not talking to our partners. I have had to talk to my partners because of the change in medications, because of my age. And as funny as it is to think about all these people out there e-mailing the show and giving you some sort of like, I don’t know, evaluation that actually needs to look like two people having a conversation about how their body is changing or how their medications are affecting their body changes so that that way you can have the best sex possible. And it also needs to involve a conversation with your doctor. I would love to say that you can listen to a podcast and solve your sexual problems, but that’s ridiculous. You’ve got to talk to the people you’re having sex with, even if that’s you.

Michelle: I completely agree. You do have to have good communication. However, if we do get any e-mails, they’re all gonna say that I was amazing and I do talk to my partner. We’re on the same medication that does affect our sex drives, which is convenient because it both takes us, you know, a really long time.

Gabe: It’s easy to think that you’re doing something wrong sexually and feeling guilty about it, but oftentimes the other person doesn’t care. They’re into it. They’re happy. So the way that you find out whether or not your your sex life is good, is based on your happiness and your partner’s happiness. And a lot of times we psych ourselves out because we think that our partner is unhappy. Just ask.

Michelle: Boring but necessary.

Gabe: Boring but necessary.

Michelle: Communicate.

Gabe: Don’t walk around thinking that something is wrong. Ask your partner if something is wrong and if it is. Don’t assume it’s because you’re bad. This is when you need to involve your doctor or find other ways. These are easy problems to solve. If everybody is talking about it openly, that’s what I’m trying to say. I’m not saying that anybody is bad in bed.

Michelle: Communication is important in a relationship. If it’s taking you very frustrating time to arrive and you think it’s causing a schism in your relationship, you really need to communicate and explain why that’s happening. If it’s happening because you’re taking psych meds and your partner doesn’t know, that’s why it’s happening, they might think that they’re not pleasing you properly. But if you need to talk to them and actually explain why that’s going on, that’s way more important. Otherwise, they’re going to think they’re doing something wrong.

Gabe: I completely agree with you, Michelle. I think that there are so many people that have problems with their sex life because they’re just assuming what their partner is thinking or they do have a legitimate problem in their sex life caused by psychiatric medications and they’re too embarrassed to talk to a doctor. The one that I hear all of the time is that young women. And when I say young women, I’m talking 18, 19, 20, 21 year olds are having sexual side effects and they’re unmarried and they have to go to the student health center or to the doctor they’ve seen since they were kids. And they want to tell the doctor that their sex life went to hell because of the medication that they’re on. And they feel really embarrassed and they feel shameful, like they shouldn’t be having sex because they’re not married or because it’s against God or religion. And and they’re really just so embarrassed to have this conversation that they just quit the medication, cold turkey to get their sex life back. And then, of course, that brings other problems. Michelle, you’re the resident young woman. What advice do you have to women who are afraid to have this conversation with their doctor?

Michelle: It’s really important to have that conversation with your doctor. You don’t want to live your life being frustrated and not understanding why your body works. If you want to find out why you want to know if it’s from medication. You should find out. And maybe your doctor will give you some tips or hints to try to help you. Or maybe you need to change medication. Don’t just stop your medication. Try to adjust your medication. You don’t want to be, you know, all out of sorts and crazy and horny. Or would you rather be stable and, you know, just a little subdued down there? Most doctors are men, which can make it kind of uncomfortable. But you really have to advocate for yourself and stand up for yourself and find out what you need to do to take care of yourself the right way.

Gabe: Michelle, what do you think about the advice of talking to a female doctor or a female specialist?

Michelle: I think talking to a female doctor or female specialist is probably a better idea than talking to a male doctor because a female has the female anatomy and they also know what it’s like to have sex being a female. So they really have the most knowledge on the topic. When I was having issues, once I went to a gynecologist, she kind of just told me that I was depressed at that moment. That wasn’t the most helpful thing. So yeah, whatever, doctor you can’t go to, maybe you can talk to some peers or anyone that can really help you try to understand what’s going on or maybe your peers have the same issue as well?

Gabe: And maybe they can recommend a doctor that they’ve had good luck with?

Michelle: Exactly. Because you are definitely not alone in this situation. Trust me, we are making a podcast about this because it’s a really big situation and a big deal that happens to a lot of people. You are not alone in this.

Gabe: And it seems to happen to women a lot more often. And I think it’s because women have been trained from such a young age. Not to fight really, really hard to be able to have sex. I was embarrassed at 25 as a man when I had erectile dysfunction, but I wasn’t worried that the doctor was going to shame me. I talked to a lot of women who are having sexual side effects with their medication because they’re trying to find out what to do and they feel way more comfortable e-mailing a non doctor, a stranger. A guy that they just have heard from online than they do having this conversation live. And it really does always seem to come down to they’re afraid that somebody is going to tell them that they’re bad for wanting to have sex. Dispel that Michelle. Dispel it.

Michelle: I think it’s easier for men to realize they’re having sexual dysfunction because they’re either getting a boner or they’re losing their boner, therefore they know when they’re having sexual dysfunction. A woman sometimes doesn’t realize sometimes they’ve been having good sex and then all the sudden sex isn’t as good anymore. And they start blaming themselves and they don’t realize that it’s psychiatric medication. So they don’t know what’s going on with their sex drive. They don’t understand why when it’s so much easier for a man to realize what’s happening. So it’s harder to talk to a doctor about it because they don’t know why they think it’s other reasons, because they don’t want to go into a doctor’s office and say, I have no sex drive. I don’t know why I’m taking these meds. Is anything combined? I don’t really know. They don’t want to be looked at like they’re just don’t have a big sex drive. That’s the answer. They want to look for a bigger answer.

Gabe: Do you think that a lot of women blame themselves?

Michelle: Absolutely.

Gabe: Do you think that men blame themselves?

Michelle: No.

Gabe: Yeah, I kind of agree. I I think that men are embarrassed when our bodies fail because it means that we’re not macho, but we don’t think it’s our fault. We think it’s embarrassing and that we’re less of a man, but we don’t think it’s our fault. I do get the feeling from what you’re saying, Michelle, that that women kind of internalize this maybe in a different way. But anyway, you slice it male or female. The goal is to be mentally healthy and have the sex life that you want.

Michelle: Absolutely. They go together perfectly. Being comfortable with your sexuality is the most important thing. And you have to be able to communicate with both your partner and your doctor.

Gabe: I completely agree. Michelle, do you have any other last words on your vibration experience?

Michelle: Go on Amazon. Read some reviews. Find the best one. Test it out and have a good day.

Gabe: You owe it to yourself to have a great sex life and great emotional well-being.

Michelle: That’s right. You hit the nail on the head.

Gabe: Ha-ha.

Michelle: You nailed it.

Gabe: Thank you, everybody, for tuning in to this episode of A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. Wherever you downloaded this episode, leave us as many stars as humanly possible, but more importantly, use your words. Gabe and Michelle read them all and they make us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And we would take it as a personal favor if you share this on social media and go ahead and tag us. You can tag schizophrenic.NYC, Michelle Hammer, or Gabe Howard, or Psych Central. We will see everybody next week.

Announcer: You’ve been listening to A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. If you love this episode, don’t keep it to yourself head over to iTunes or your preferred podcast app to subscribe, rate, and review. To work with Gabe, go to GabeHoward.com. To work with Michelle, go to Schizophrenic.NYC. For free mental health resources and online support groups, head over to PsychCentral.com. This show’s official web site is PsychCentral.com/BSP. You can e-mail us at show@PsychCentral.com. Thank you for listening, and share widely.

Meet Your Bipolar and Schizophrenic Hosts

GABE HOWARD was formally diagnosed with bipolar and anxiety disorders after being committed to a psychiatric hospital in 2003. Now in recovery, Gabe is a prominent mental health activist and host of the award-winning Psych Central Show podcast. He is also an award-winning writer and speaker, traveling nationally to share the humorous, yet educational, story of his bipolar life. To work with Gabe, visit gabehoward.com.

MICHELLE HAMMER was officially diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 22, but incorrectly diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 18. Michelle is an award-winning mental health advocate who has been featured in press all over the world. In May 2015, Michelle founded the company Schizophrenic.NYC, a mental health clothing line, with the mission of reducing stigma by starting conversations about mental health. She is a firm believer that confidence can get you anywhere. To work with Michelle, visit Schizophrenic.NYC.

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Re-skilling the brain.

For the first time, Oby et al (open source, nice graphics) observe the new neural activity patterns that cause a new learned behavior.

Significance

Consider a skill you would like to learn, like playing the piano. How do you progress from “Chopsticks” to Chopin? As you learn to do something new with your hands, does the brain also do something new? We found that monkeys learned new skilled behavior by generating new neural activity patterns. We used a brain–computer interface (BCI), which directly links neural activity to movement of a computer cursor, to encourage animals to generate new neural activity patterns. Over several days, the animals began to exhibit new patterns of neural activity that enabled them to control the BCI cursor. This suggests that learning to play the piano and other skills might also involve the generation of new neural activity patterns.

Abstract

Learning has been associated with changes in the brain at every level of organization. However, it remains difficult to establish a causal link between specific changes in the brain and new behavioral abilities. We establish that new neural activity patterns emerge with learning. We demonstrate that these new neural activity patterns cause the new behavior. Thus, the formation of new patterns of neural population activity can underlie the learning of new skills.

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This Comforting Prayer Can Help You Grieve Your Pet

Have you ever had to put your dog to sleep? (I hate that euphemism but asking if you ever had to kill your dog seems too harsh.)

I have. Several times. And I will have to yet again. Murphy, my Goldendoodle, is 11 years old and tiring. When the time comes, I will hold her head in my arms, stroke her back, whisper my love into her ear, and cry as the vet ends her life with a lethal injection.

But then what?

In Judaism we mark the death of a parent, sibling, or child with a week-long period of mourning when friends and family visit, bring food, and make themselves available for conversation and comfort-giving. I suggest we do something similar for our deceased animal friends as well.

When Murphy dies, I want to grieve my loss with loved ones and friends. I want people to drop by that day with food (human food, not dog food), and stick around to talk. I want my living room filled with photos of Murph. I want to tell stories of her life. I want to confess my love and share my loss in public. (See our story “Support for the Bereaved Animal Lover.”)

When I have shared this idea, people often object that I am treating my dog as I would a person. Is my love of Murphy the same as my love for my dad who died a few years ago?

The same? No. My love for my dad is in spite of difficult memories. My love for Murphy has no such memories.

For example, my dad and I would play catch in our backyard. My dad played first base when he was in the Army, and he was as loyal to his beloved Yankees as he was to his no less beloved Jews. He wanted me to grow up to be a solid ball player and playing catch with him was always a test of my forever lagging abilities. Murphy and I also play catch, but with her there is no test and nothing to prove. We play for the sheer joy of me throwing something and her catching it, racing it back to me, then wrestling with me to get it out of her mouth. Honestly, in many ways my love for Murphy is purer than my love for my dad.

This is on my mind because someone emailed me asking for a prayer to offer when “I have to release my dog from this life.” I sent her the following. She found it helpful; perhaps you will as well:

Return home, beloved.

Return to the one in whom we live and move and have our being.

Return with my love surrounding you.

Return with my tears dampening your head.

Return with the pure being, consciousness and bliss you embodied while alive. Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for caring for me and allowing me to care for you.

Thank you for showing me I am needed.

Thank you for cultivating a love in me so deep that

even heartbreak and grief cannot quell it.

Lech b’shalom, beloved friend, go in peace.

This post courtesy of Spirituality & Health.

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Sunday, 28 July 2019

This Herbal Antidepressant Has Little Effect (M)

The side-effects of the herbal antidepressant include anxiety, panic attacks and vomiting.

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Do I Have a Bad Case of Depression?

I get suicidal thoughts sometimes. I know I would never act on these and they aren’t usually that serious but they worry me. I think I might have depression. But not the hat bad. I do things slowly (which apparently is suppose doing to be a sign). And a few things (not that many) don’t give me the same amount of joy they used to. I often think I am a failure but sometime in am cocky. I also have a hard time sleeping. I have been in pushing away the fact that this might be depression because I feel that people fake it sometimes. Is this depression? And if so, should I go see someone about it.?

It’s impossible to give a diagnosis over the Internet. Any time you are experiencing concerning symptoms, it is wise to consult a professional, in-person. You would consult a professional if you needed a lawyer, help with your taxes, or you had a dental problem. It’s the same thing when it comes to mental health — you consult a professional. Mental health professionals have specialized knowledge in an area they have rigorously studied for years. One should always consult professionals when possible. To answer your direct question, yes you should “see someone” and that person is a mental health professional.

One way to find a good mental health professional is to ask your primary care physician for a referral. Sometimes they know people in the community who can help. You can also do a Google search for mental health professionals in your community. There are reviews of mental health professionals available via the internet. You want to choose at least three or four, call them and speak to them on the phone. Tell them about the issues you would like help with and ask how they would help you. Choose the one you feel you connect with the best and meet with them in person. That will likely be your best choice.

Suicidal thoughts are always concerning. Their presence suggests that you are experiencing an abnormal level of distress. You also mentioned that you do things slowly but I’m not certain what you mean by that. Sometimes doing things slowly is what is necessary.

Having difficulty sleeping is sometimes indicative of depression. Some people with depression sleep a lot and some people with depression don’t sleep much at all.

If I were able to interview you in person, I would have many questions. What, if anything, has changed lately? When did this begin? Did something happen in your life that has caused your depression? What could explain the changes you have described in this letter? If depression is present, it doesn’t come out of nowhere. Something had to have caused you to feel this way. It would obviously be tremendously helpful if you could identify the potential underlying cause of these feelings.

Try to think about what may be wrong or what may have started this. You might try keeping a diary or journal in which you track your thoughts and feelings. It can be quite therapeutic. It could also assist you in understanding the origins of this issue and in potentially uncovering patterns that you may have overlooked. Writing can also help to clarify your thinking. Studies have indicated that there are many psychological health benefits to writing.

It’s good that you are aware of these potential problems and that you are open to seeking help. Being open to treatment significantly increases your probability of success. If depression is present, counseling could help you a great deal. I hope you will give it a try. Good luck and please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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