What’s My Diagnosis?

From a young man in the U.S.: Sometimes when I walk in this world, I feel defective and like an inconvenience to other people and when I get in a conflict or a  disagreement with another person I feel even more humiliated and inadequate. I tend to try to protect myself by getting defensive and angry. I experience an empty void in my chest and panicky feeling when I receive negative feedback.

I look outside to other people for self esteem and self definition because I’m very self conscious and insecure.  I sometimes experience fatigue and blushing as a result of reacting to everything in my environment. When someone says critical words or looks at me funny, I go into an emotional tailspin. Also when texting, I turn off my phone if my friends don’t respond quickly because I’m afraid that they are mad at me or they no longer like me. I am terrified of getting rejected by another person as well. If I have a crush on someone, I will deny it to avoid putting myself on the line.

I have had issues with insomnia, emotional eating, reactive aggressive behavior like yelling at and/or hitting if someone else makes fun of me, running away, self -harm- had 2 infections from self inflicted cuts before I reached for help,  talked about suicide and  had suicidal thoughts in the past . Also I hold grudges and resentments towards people who are not nice to me back after engaging in people pleasing and validation seeking and I have issues with trust and forgiveness.

I try to make people happy at the expense of myself so they don’t get angry at me or disapprove of me. I have also attempted to break my own things in anger and that only helped in the moment, but not long term. A year ago I attempted to O.D on prescribed medications right after I got yelled at by someone. I also have issues regulating my stress and anxiety levels in interpersonal situations and I can experience reactive mood swings, emptiness and depression in response to those situations.

I had a history of getting bullied all of my childhood and adolescence and have once gotten an in school from school and spent over a  year in emotional support for taking it in my own hands.

What diagnoses would my descriptions describe the symptoms of, even though I know this is for getting diagnosed.

Thank you for writing. You’re correct. This site is not intended to be a substitute for an assessment by a licensed clinician. I can’t make a diagnosis. I can tell you what you already know: This is a very hard way to live. There is probably a mental health issue, possibly grounded in a history of being bullied. You deserve to heal. There is no reason to continue to be under this kind of stress.

I think you made an important first step in writing to us here at PsychCentral. Now do yourself the great service of following through. Make an appointment with a licensed professional to get an assessment and an individual plan for the help you need to get on with life with more self-confidence and less stress.

I know it can be hard to share painful stories and the many challenges you mentioned in your letter. For that reason, I encourage you to bring your letter with you to your first appointment as a way to introduce yourself to the therapist and to jump-start the session.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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