I recently connected with my first love (an innocent love, we never touched physically). She’s separated, ending a bad marriage. We love each other and want to be together, but I’m terminally ill and disabled. I can give her only a few months. My wife despises me and is abusive, (I have to carry a gun to protect myself from physical assault.)
I don’t believe it’s fair to my lover to put her in the position of being my caregiver and having to watch me die. I think I should VTD right away for a quick death with dignity instead. So should I live- or die? The right thing to do would be to just die ASAP. Do I deserve a slice of Heaven before I pass from this world? My son is 18 in 2 months so no children involved. My wife and son are getting the insurance money regardless, so finance isn’t an issue. (From the USA)
I’m honored that you would take your precious time and write to us here at Psych Central. The clarity of your concern comes through. As you face this final segment of your life, the choices you make are important as they may be corrections.
Let’s start with the basics. Whether you have 2 months to live or two decades I’d recommend leaving your wife. If you have to carry a gun to protect yourself there is nothing about the relationship that warrants tolerating the abuse or potential harm. I’d recommend finding all the legal and psychological support you can find to make the last part of your life safe from your wife.
Your first love can make her own decisions about wanting to be with you, care for you, or watch you die. She knows the situation (I’m assuming) and you can let her decide what is best. Your work is on getting disentangled from your wife not making decisions for your love.
As far as deciding for a quick death you may want to check with your insurance carrier about the impact of making that decision. While I understand the thinking behind this — there are several people and conditions that may also be affected. Before you consider it I’d encourage you to talk to a death and dying counselor who can help you think these things through.
Finally, I think you may want to get a legal opinion about your finances and the deep mistrust and fear you have of your wife. You want your son to be protected by the money from insurance and not worry that your wife will be as abusive and harmful to him as she is to you.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral
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