I Need Help and I’m Scared

From a young man in the U.S.: My issue is I believe I need help and i don’t know how to get it. I feel extremely depressed and I want to just end all the pain I have inside and i don’t know what to do.

I feel like a failure for even posting this like I feel like if I go see a doctor I’m a bigger failure and should just end everything because I’m a failure and I hate it. I’m so lost I don’t know what to do anymore I need help and I’m scared.

I’m a single dad of 2 kids and I’m a failure at everything, what do I do? If I leave my kids I’m an even bigger failure but I know I’m making life for them hard but I’m trying and I can’t seem to get anything right anymore and I’m slipping away.

You made an important first step toward helping yourself by writing to us here at PsychCentral. Asking for help doesn’t make you a failure. From my point of view, a guy who tries to tough it out instead of reaching for help is the failure. Asking for help takes courage and hope and an inner belief that there is help out there that is actually helpful.

And there is help out there. You are depressed. Depression is treatable. You need to look for a psychologist or licensed mental health counselor who can provide you with the support and sounding board you need to recover. A course of medication may also be helpful initially. But there is no magic pill that will make things all better. You do need to sign on for a few months or more of talk therapy to help you learn new skills for coping and to bolster your self-esteem. You deserve it. Your kids deserve a dad who feels better and better about himself.

I also suggest that you look for a support group of single dads in your area. There is nothing so encouraging as talking with other people who are wrestling with the same issues. A local mental health clinic may be able to point you to such a group.

If you can’t find an established group, consider starting one. Parenting is hard – especially when you are doing it alone. All you need to do is put an ad on FB or in your local paper and you’ll probably find a few guys who are also struggling and who need some male friends to talk to about it. Set up a regular meeting time and place and give it a chance.

When they are done well, groups like this aren’t “lemon sessions” where people just complain. In a successful group, people share tips for managing the challenges of raising kids, give each other support, and help each other find needed resources. If leading such a group and keeping the guys focused on positive solutions rather than negativity seems daunting, ask a local therapist to help you get a group established.

In the meantime, consider joining one of the forums here on PsychCentral. Click on the Help tab on the homepage. People from all over the world provide each other with practical information and emotional support.

As I said: You made a very important first step by writing. Now take the next step and get the help you need and deserve.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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