My Father Is Moving Out of the House

From a teen in the U.S.: Hello. My father is moving out of the house but not divorcing my mom. I’m very confused. My mom and dad are married and fight occasionally. I got mad at my mom one day so I went through her texts and discovered my dad telling her that he was going to move out for a couple of months. He’s planning on moving into his cousin’s son’s room. Nothing’s the texts implied that they were getting divorced. I’m upset and confused about why he would do this. I can’t share my feelings with anyone because nobody knows that I know. If you have any advice or any idea why he would move out, please let me know. Thanks

A: Sometimes people separate for a time in order to try to save their marriage. Your parents may be considering a “time out” from the fighting in order to make a good decision.

Yes, you can and probably should share your feelings. You already know you shouldn’t have gone through your mom’s phone. I imagine you’d be furious if anyone did that to you. But since you did do it and discovered their plans, it doesn’t help anyone for you to keep it secret.

You need to apologize sincerely for invading your mom’s privacy by going through her phone. Own up to it and take whatever consequences come your way. But don’t let that stand in the way of a discussion about their plans and what it means to you. Often what we imagine is far worse than reality. Often incomplete information leads to complete misinformation. Let your parents know that you would rather be in the know than in the dark and scared.

Do be clear that you are not asking for them to share their problems with you. The details of their difficulties with each other are none of your business but the change in your family relationships is.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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