From a teen in Ireland: Hi im 15 years old and i feel depressed lately, my mother has always been the best, she has always been a spiritual person and has been into angels and things like that,
Since getting her ipad about 2 years ago she has been watching videos about it and reading about it and now she is going to canada to live with people she talkes to on skype (complete strangers) for three months and is leaving me with my father who lives about an hour away, where i have no friends. But it’s not about me, she pays no attention to me anymore, just sits in her room most of the day and goes on skype, she spends money on usesless products she thinks help her and i feel as if its driving her insane
My father tells me its the best thing to live with him because he thinks shes crazy sometimes i lay in my bed and cry for ages and it makes me very very very extremly angry to the point where im punching and kicking walls and screaming at her and i can hear her just listening to the videos and to be honest its driving me insane.
I used to be very close with my mom and the last two years it’s like she is just someone who makes me food and lives with me.
I used to really like my dad, but we dont even talk to each other in the car at the house or anywhere. I feel as if my life is ending and i dont know where i will be in the next two months like that is scary to me. My only escape is my friends and i just need some help. Thank you so much if you read this.
A: I fully understand why you are upset. You’ve been abandoned by your mother. She has fallen under the spell of questionable people. Since she hasn’t done anything illegal and she is providing you with the basics, the authorities are not going to intervene. Hopefully, she will come to her senses at some point.
I’m sure it is frustrating, angry-making and sad to feel your mother pull away like this. You are grieving a mom who is still alive and well but who has “left.” I’m glad you understand it’s not that she is against you. Whatever is compelling her is greater than even her love for you — which tells us how strong that compulsion must be.
If your mother has living relatives that you are close to, I hope you are telling them what you told me. There is no reason to keep it a secret. In fact, a secret would help her keep this thing going. Relatives might be able to get her attention and just might be able to convince her to see a psychiatrist for an evaluation.
Meanwhile, I think your dad is probably right. You do need to live with him for now. You haven’t lived with him for a while so it is going to be awkward at first. It’s tough to get reacquainted just when you are at an age when kids start separating from parents. In your case, it’s important you make every effort to get to know him. Do remember that it’s tough for him, too. Take the lead. Ask him about his life. Do some projects or invite him to go to a movie or sports event with you. If you are open to the relationship, chances are the two of you will get comfortable with each other again.
Your dad only lives an hour away from your mom’s house so hopefully he’ll help you out by driving you to see your current friends every now and then and that he’ll be willing to let your friends come and spend the night on some weekends.
Since you do have friends, I know you will make new ones at your new school as well. I hope you can think of this situation as the opportunity to expand your social circle instead of just a loss of your old life. With some effort, you really can have both the old and the new relationships.
It’s unfair that you have to compete with “angels” and strangers for your mother’s attention and that maybe you will have to move. But your letter tells me you are a sensitive and intelligent young man. You can do it!
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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