Scared of Specific People

From the Netherlands: I am so scared of some specific people that I cannot see or even hear theyr voices. I completely panic. I am scared of going out and see this people, Because if I see them I Always have crisis and there was one time I thought I would lose my control. I also cannot see them in pictures, cause brings me bad feelings.

Usually are people that are related to my love life. It can be a ex, the girlfriend of my ex, or a neighbour who has a nice boyfriend, or a more attractive cousine which can have a nice boyfriend.

It all started when I lost my first handsome boyfriend to another interesting girl, and I kept seeing them at social media. The moment I discovered that I had to protect myself, I blocked them. But still, I cant block people in real life. So I am Always scared.

Please help cause its driving me crazy! I Always compare myself to them and Always feel like I am the loser. I see good things about them but I Always forget about myself.

A: It sounds to me like you have developed a phobia. Phobias usually have a basis in an event that the person found overwhelming. In order to deal with it, the person then compartmentalizes the anxiety and fear to a particular kind of person or event. It’s like people who get afraid of all dogs because one dog bit them.

In your case, being rejected was more than you could bear. So you unconsciously decided to block the feelings (and the people) associated with rejection instead of deal with them. As you have discovered, it’s not that easy. A person who is afraid of dogs can stay away from most dogs most of the time. But social media and life in our community makes it nearly impossible to avoid seeing other people who are in successful relationships.

Please see a counselor. You can’t handle this on your own. The good news is that treatment of such issues is usually successful. You need to face the rejection you’ve been avoiding and learn to move on in your life. You deserve to get past this and to make yourself open to loving and being loved.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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