I’ve had chronic depression starting in childhood with an emotionally absent mother. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD/BPD by new therapist. Christmas marked the beginning of this debacle. which set up the disaster and now my BPD, etc is a Category 5 Tropical Storm. A CONTINENTAL DIVIDE now exists between my son and I has turned awakening my abandonment fears. His response is total silence (he refuses to investigate this new BPD thing) and has cut off any possibility to try to resolve this. Meanwhile ironically enough his abandonment of me over this is not imaginary. Left to my own devices I spend all my days since 1st of the year existing in a pattern of emotional turmoil I can’t take much longer. I alternate between feelings of inconsolable grief and abandonment into resentment and culminating in my anger exploding leaving horrible messages on his phone which increases the gap. If we had talked when this all began it would have never developed into the mega storm it is but now it has – he has made no effort to get insight into BPD – he has genuinely abandoned me. The anger eventually burns out leaving me numb then we start over again. Being ignored as though I don’t exist also fuels the flames. Suffice it to say that I don’t see a way out and I do not want to spend my life cycling between all these painful feelings. I want to be able to talk to him, acknowledge how a part of me knows the rage is wrong and help him understand the mechanics of BPD. But I cannot make him talk to me so he is never going to understand and I am doomed forever to the abandonment I feel. While he was supportive during 2 medial emergencies I experienced now I have to guess that because this alleged malady of mine is emotional he views it something i made up to to manipulate him. He’s withdrawn totally which only multiplies my feelings. Suddenly out ofere he’s gone. HOW DO I SURVIVE this? My warm/caring son is as cold as ice. He has no interest in what BPD is. My days consist of going thru the cycles over and over again, grief, hurt, anger, crying, numbness this is no way I want to live. Is there a way out other than just ending it all?
A: The Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis must have been tough for you to hear. It also challenged your son. After such powerful information — your son is likely to need some time to adjust.
The person that diagnosed you is very likely to have access to resources in the community to help. I strongly recommend taking advantage of those resources, such as support groups and intensive outpatient therapy programs, as well as any individual therapy at this time. This is an adjustment. The important thing is for you to feel support from people other than your son and work on plans for the future. I wouldn’t try to push a dialogue with your son right now.
In the meantime our our forums are available for you to connect with others for support.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral
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