Why Don’t People Like Me?

From a teen in Romania: I feel like there may be a problem with me overall since I never had girlfriend and my friends are pretty cold with me.

I feel like people are finding me repulsive. I never had girlfriend, not that I didn’t try, but all of them either wanted to be friends or just said no to dates. I do get some female attention sometimes, but it’s not much. Though I know many people and they seem to like being around me and don’t flat out refuse when I call them to hang out, but they never call me out.

I am made fun of sometimes, but I pass it on as friendly jokes since everyone is being made fun on at some point. I do care of myself and wash, dress nicely, do my hair etc. and don’t think of myself as a plain out ugly person.To make an analogy I feel like that okish looking ,nice, but weird kid that you have no problem talking to and feeling good with, but you wouldn’t like to engage more often than you should.

Girls like having friendly conversations and feel good overall until something more romantic is brought up, even jokingly, to which they jokingly turn down.This is happening all the time.

I am pretty sure at this point that there is something deeply wrong with me that I cannot see and it’s making people not like me as they would another person.To make matters worse I feel like the more people get to know me the more cold, scared they are though I don’t do unusual stuff, but at this point I am confused enough to think that what I perceive as normal is abnormal and scary (eating, learning, staying on fb, reddit, going out).

A: The teen years can be very rough on people. Often what kids think is abnormal is not. For example: It is not at all unusual for someone your age not to have a girlfriend. In fact, only about half of people have a significant romantic relationship before age 20. The other half find first love during the next 5 years. So keep doing what you are doing. Make friends. Refine your social skills and enjoy hanging out with the people you hang out with.

Secondly, lots of teens are afraid of rejection so they don’t do much inviting. They do respond, though, when someone else makes the first move. It seems that you have more courage than some of your friends. You do make the calls. My suggestion to you is that you relax and enjoy the fact that they respond.

It’s the so-called “weird kids” who often are the most successful in adult life. You are an individual. You don’t just follow the herd. You are doing normal things and feel just as normally abnormal as most teens do. I don’t see anything in your letter that raises alarms for me.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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