I have depression and anxiety and quiet helps a lot. I ask my husband when he’s home to please be quiet when I’m not feeling well. But he just argues with me and says he’s not making noise. Noise really affects my nerves badly by the 5th time asking him to please be quiet I feel like I’ve lost my mind. He knows how much it bothers me. I really need some suggestions on how to get him to help me out. By the end of the argument I usually tell him to get out of the house for a while. cause I can’t stand it. I’ve explained to him how much it affects me and don’t understand why he would keep doing it. He says he loves me and I know I love him but this problem needs a solution and I can’t find one. (From Canada)
A: I can appreciate how difficult it must be to struggle with the need for quiet — however, there needs to be a balance between your needs and your husband’s. I would make two recommendations. First, if you haven’t gone for an evaluation for your depression and anxiety, I would make an appointment with a psychiatrist to start dealing with the profound need for quiet. Secondly, I would encourage you to find a couple’s therapist to talk about how to negotiate your husband’s needs and yours so that you may co-exist more peacefully. The find help tab at the top of the page can help you find someone in your area. Demanding him to be quiet isn’t working — and not likely to be a resolution.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral
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