Wife and Mother Do Not Get Along

Hi, ok so I’m in a very difficult situation. My wife and mother do not get along. To the point where at one time it got PHYSICAL!

My mother has always run the show, told me what to do how to act etc. She, in my eyes is a bit over whelming when it comes to controlling a situation. Yet, she has helped me a ton financially and giving me the things I need to become successful.

My wife also runs the show and I’m fine with that. I have a great life and I am able to what I want to do most of the time when I want to do it. I have a wonderful wife who also supports our family financially.

My issues began on my wedding day when my wife hired a personal photographer and they were taking pictures and so was my mother. The photographer asked her to stop and my mother became visibly upset. my mother does not have one wedding photo or photo at all of my wife and I in her house.

My wife and I had a kid and there were a few problems after the delivery and my mother couldn’t stop texting me about why she couldn’t come back there and see the baby. I tried to explain but she assumed my wife was not allowing her to come see the baby because my mother in law got to see the baby right after delivery. (hospital rule or some type of regulation).

My mother wanted to open up a bank account for my kid. My wife and I told her no. that is something that we want to do and we want to have it under a 539. I fought with my mom for months about why she couldn’t do it. My mother also thought my kid didn’t have my last name because I wouldn’t give her the social for the bank account.

My mother also complains about my wife and a lot of her issues to me and then I end up telling my wife because I’m under so much stress from my mother and I cause even more tension.

Almost done!!!

Then we went out of town and people were drinking and having fun. and my dad made some accusations about my wife being too drunk to care for my kid. I disagree with him. my wife and mother left the hotel room to go to my mom’s room WITHOUT ME and 5 min later my wife comes back with scratchers on her face saying my mom attacked her. I never got the truth but this is from my wife ” my father was yelling at her calling her an “F-in B!!!” and my mom was blocking the door way and my wife tried to leave. tried to push/hit my mother out of the way and was attacked. my mother says my wife cold cocked her and then she went after her (SUMMING IT UP)

Now its 6 months later we moved across the country to my wife’s home town and are supposed to be going back for the 4th of July.  they still have not spoken and where we celebrate is a cabin in the woods and its very close quarters.

I have to take my son to see them separately without my wife. I don’t want to keep my wife from not coming with me especially on holidays. And I want my wife to be there when her son is having fun and I want her to enjoy it and witness it as well!

I don’t know if there are any good articles that I can share with my mom and wife to bridge the gap of forgiving and forgetting.

I’m lost on what to do and I get a lot of pressure from them both to resolve the issue. (From the USA.)

A:  You did the right thing by moving away from your family. Your future is with you wife and child, and it is time to unhook from the dynamics your parents. If you are relying on financial help from them I’d encourage you to become more independent. I’d rethink the value of visiting for holidays. If you do go, I would make the time very limited, be certain you can leave quickly (if things get out of hand), and don’t try to broker peace between your wife. See them on your own, briefly, if you must. Don’t put too much energy into trying to fix it all. It is sad and unfortunate that it has come to this, but I’d invest in the future with your wife and child. If your parents want a relationship with all of you, they will have to change. Right now, it doesn’t sound like they are willing enough to make that happen.

The key in all of this is for you to develop more clarity and independence. It is time for you to take a stand about what is okay and not okay for you, and make some decisions about how you want to be in the face of all these dynamics. Letting your wife and mother (and father) try to control how things should be in your life isn’t going to work. You began this letter saying your mother, then wife run the show. Going forward, it will be important for you to manage your own needs within these tough dynamics.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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