Why Do I Seem to Have Incapacity to Cry?

From the U.K.: The main issue that made me think I might have some problems is my incapacity to cry. I don’t even remember last time it happened (maybe more than 10 years ago). I never lose myself in memories and I am able to end a relationship (friends or partners) and never think again about them.

All the time I have to face new situations or meet new people I start getting anxious and if I can, I avoid the situation. I have friends and they rely on me a lot. I can listen to others and clearly understand the situations and give pieces of advice. I think this might be related to my childhood. Since I found out I was gay, I tried all that I could to hide this and not let people see it.

I moved to another city 5 years ago and all the times I go back home I avoid situations where I could meet people from the past. At work, I don’t have any problems and I actually even love working a lot more just to reach my targets. I have sexual problems and even if I approach with someone I am not able to go further or I directly avoid the situation, I believe this is due to the fact I am not self-confident of my body for some reason, even though people like me.

I constantly feel unsatisfied and emotionless, that’s the reason why I am going to leave for a new adventure or a new project, desperately trying to give a sense to my life. For some reason, I have this inner need of helping others and that fulfills me. I never had a great relationship with my parents in terms of dialogue, though I love them. I don’t speak at all with my brothers and from what I remember I never suffered a loss. For some reason, it’s like I am not able to suffer in terms of emotions. I am not able to understand if all these factors might be normal or needing help.

Hope in your advice

A: It looks to me like you have a very long history of coping with conflict by distancing yourself from your feelings. Unfortunately, you didn’t figure out how to hold onto the positive feelings while you banished the anxiety and negative ones. It’s as if you thought/felt that you needed to switch off your feelings in order to survive. Your sexual dysfunction and your inability to feel loss are an outcome. At this point, you don’t know how to (or don’t feel safe enough to) turn the feelings switch back on.

I suppose you could live out your life this way, but I do think you deserve better. If your could throw the feelings switch back on by yourself you would have done so already. I therefore do recommend that you see a therapist. With the support and advice of a good therapist, you can reconnect with your feelings and have a more satisfying life.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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