From a young man in Serbia: I Lack of apathy and emotional disconnection from everything. Brain feels like it’s off and that I’m only acting on impulse. I’m 20′ I’ve diagnosed myself as having Code F32.2, (Episodium depressivum non psychoticum, gradus majoris**)**
I’ve been diagnosed with depression however, I feel emptiness, not sad. I’ve had childhood trauma, I do feel like I overcame this, working/studying as a programmer, my work is mostly mechanical even tho I put some thought into it seems like my brain isn’t there. As long as I know of myself I’ve been feeling empty but I would do things with a smile and a full life even tho it didn’t fulfill me. I don’t get pleasure from anyhing, I feel bored, I have trouble with emotions (I just act based on the intelligence that I have not really on feeling) and mind you this isn’t something that just happened, it’s been here for at least 2 years.
I’ve been unable to motivate myself, even tho I’m a good student, I rarely study *unless urgent*, I feel tired all the time (been going to the gym – forcefully – (it helped), also took some , vitamin D,B.I also feel emotionally disconnected from anything I do, like right now, I’m typing but it’s just a mechanical work for me that I do while my mind wanders somewhere else or just feels like it isn’t there (unable to focus) and since I’m currently in college I can attend all classes but if I find the class even remotely boring or that I don’t respect the teacher I immediately start wondering and feeling restless.
Looking trough the internet for a solution, my depression is most likely to be a byproduct of another mental issue and I find myself everywhere. Could it be ADHD?
-FOOD-
I eat healty food and same goes for the drink.
– Complaints-
– No focus and presence of mind, emptiness, no feelings, I do everything (mechanically) while not being present, unless its really engaging like anger, no motivation (lack of dopamine?), I sleep mostly 10hours and still feel tired, my tongue has some white matter on it?(not sure what it means but just mentioning anything that might be helpful), digestive problems (I can hear my stomach a lot trough the day even I eat fine foods and watch out), brain fog, memory issues. It is as if like I’m trapped in my body and can’t seem to progress in life (other than forcefully or by building a strong habit).
– Previous medication and/or current issues –
Gynecomastia,Jock itch (currently, main problem was there before it), Taking vitamins previously mentioned and a drug called lata (antidepressant) – 10mg -last 2 weeks, a year ago I checked my blood and the doctor said I was a anemic (not a lot).
Summary: I haven’t had any medical issues previously (that I was given a long-term medication to use), it seems that my issue is deeply rooted inside my mind and it has been dragging me down all my life, taking measures to try to overcome this (thinking that the problem is me or that it can be solved forcefully or by resting and then taking steps, or isolation or socialization and motivation by others, nothing works).
Depression doesn’t always present as sadness. Often it shows up as irritability and emptiness, lack of motivation, and feeling hopeless. I don’t think you need to look for more disorders. Depression is difficult enough.
Although you are already doing many of the things I encourage people to do to take care of themselves (healthy diet, checking for medical issues, etc.) I do think you would benefit from therapy, preferably cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). I urge you to seek out an experienced therapist who can help you metabolize your emotional pain.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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