From an adult in the U.K. Just before Xmas last year I wanted a one in one with my mother so as I could tell her of a Grandchild of 21 that she didn’t know of. I had a feeling this request would be ignored or dismissed by my mother so I got in contact with her closest friend of 40 years and told her of the situation and asked her to ring my mum and to try and arrange a one to one for me with her in the next month or so.
The next evening I got the reply my Mum said no she wouldn’t meet up with me but said through her friend she’d catch up with me for an hour when she was next over in February. her response utterly blew me away and lead to me having a psychosis and a subsequent hospital admission and the breakdown of my marriage. Whilst I’ve tried to move on I still can’t get over the rejection from my mother whom I will never speak to again.
I’m very sorry that you are suffering so much. But the reality is that your mother’s response to your invitation did not cause your psychosis, your hospital admissions, or the breakdown of your marriage. Although you may feel that you are right to blame your many difficulties on your mother, it isn’t helpful. In fact, it is only a way for you to avoid taking responsibility for yourself. That never ends well.
The basis of any healing is a look in the mirror, not blame. You had something to do with the ending of your marriage. You had something to do with why your mother chose not to meet with you right away.
If you do, in fact, have a psychosis, you need to be working with your psychiatrist, the hospital staff, and your therapist to figure out how to manage it. Psychosis is not a disease. It is usually a symptom of schizophrenia. The individual who has it comes to believe in things that either don’t exist or have no basis in reality. It may be that your belief in what you call your mother’s “rejection” is such a belief.
You didn’t mention whether you followed up the hospitalization with regular meetings with a mental health counselor. If you haven’t done so, do take that step. Find a therapist who can help you learn how to manage your illness and your relationships.
If, on the other hand, you have been seeing a therapist but have not shared this incident about your mom, I hope you will take your letter and this response to your next session. It could help guide the therapist in treating you.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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