I’m 23 years old and I live with my parents. I keep lying to them about college. I want to major in dietetics but I keep having problems with chemistry and I need it to actually claim dietetics as my major and I’m taking the needed nutrition courses for it in the meantime. The problem though is that I need an internship for dietetics to gain experience and I can’t qualify for one until chemistry is passed. I keep lying to my parents about my graduation date. It happens without me even thinking about it! The lies just come out. Sometimes I just want to disappear and my self-esteem and confidence are at an all-time low. I feel pathetic because I’m also jealous of my 19-year-old cousin and 14-year-old brother. They know what they want to do with themselves and it took me this long to figure out what I want to do. My brother is seeing a therapist for his issues and I don’t want to add to the problems. I love my family too much to want to hurt them but every time my doubts pop into my head they sound like my entire family berating me and tearing me down even though I know they wouldn’t do that. I feel like I’m going to drive myself crazy! Disappointing them is my worst fear and I hate when I feel like I’ve done that. The year before that I had admitted to them I was lying about doing well in school and now I’ve lied to them again. I’m sorry I just needed to vent. I’d usually talk to my uncle about this but I thought I was already past all of this shit. My parents deserve a better daughter. One who doesn’t have all of these problems.
My guess is your parents are helping pay for college and they want the best for you — and that means for you to succeed. If you are really going to be a professional you’ll have to learn how to deal with people honestly and get feedback honestly. This is where you can learn more about doing that.
You’ve come this far and it sounds like you’ve done the right thing by taking the courses that come easier than chemistry. I’d recommend you talk to your parents about needing a tutor for chemistry — that it is harder than you thought. I’d also get some counseling from the college counseling center.
Each of us over time need help from others in getting to achieve what we want. Getting some therapy for emotional support and raising your self esteem while getting some help with your chemistry is the way you can move through this.
There is also a terrific book by Marie Hartwell-Walker on Self-Esteem that I think you’ll do well with. Dr. Marie is an Ask The Therapist here at PsychCentral with great insight into self esteem. I think the book will help.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral
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