From a teen in England: I fantasise/imagine things a lot and it’s getting really bad to where I don’t talk to my family anymore, or socialise or do my learning because all I wanna do is focus on fantasising, and when I do it I always listen to music so I can make up a story with what I’m imaging about which is sometimes about two celebrities or just people together and I do this on a regular basis and I’ve always said I’m gonna stop but I never can, I think it’s because I’m obsessed.
The two people I imagine I really want them to be together but I know it will never happen and it makes me really upset to where I cry and I know it’s not just because they’re not together but it’s also because of my jealousy too, I’m jealous of how the celebrity has a partner in real life and I don’t want them to be with that person but with the person I imagine them to be with.
I always look at pictures, videos of the celebrity and imagine them with this person and I get jealous of the fans that do these videos, pictures of the celebrity because I want the celebrity to be mine not only the person I imagine them to be with. It sounds crazy, but I don’t know why I think like that and I have loads of tests coming up this year and I can’t keep thinking about the fantasy and I feel like it’s taking over me and sometimes I even stop going out with my friends just because I want to stay in my house and imagine all of this,
I know this situation is out of hand now and I need help with it. How do I solve this?
Okay. Take a deep breath. You are not crazy. Your letter shows me that it is more likely that you are terribly, terribly anxious about the tests that are coming up (and maybe about some other challenges you didn’t mention). Your creative mind has come up with a way to protect you.
Obsessing about the celebrity keeps you away from your fear. It kind of works. When you are occupied with your fantasies, you don’t have room in your mind to think about the tests that are looming ahead or anything else that is bothering you. Unfortunately, you are so good at creating the fantasies that they have taken on a life of their own and become an even bigger problem than the anxiety itself.
The way to handle this is to deal with the anxiety directly. Please see a counselor to help you learn some new ways to cope when things get rough.
In addition, it may be important for you to get some extra help from teachers or from a tutor so you can feel more prepared to deal with the exams. There is no shame in that. People learn at different rates of speed and people do learn differently. Unfortunately, schools treat us as if we are all ready for tests at the same time and can be tested in the same way. It might help if you gave yourself some practice sessions in the style (essay? multiple choice?) of the upcoming tests.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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