From a woman in the U.S.: My boyfriend and i have been together about 10 months. But I’ve known him for about two years. We met when he was separating from his ex wife and fell in love. Through out the year, he kept leaving me for his wife to make things work with her.
And after the third time i didn’t stick around anymore and got into a new relationship. Still not over him i left the new relationship and got back with my boyfriend who wanted me back and said to have changed and knew now what he wanted.
We do love each other and everything has been good except we constantly fight. I want to get my point across and he simply doesn’t like to fight so he gets more upset at me that i keep going.
I want this to work out and i want to have a healthy relationship where we don’t fight about insignificant stuff.
It doesn’t sound to me like everything is “good” Constant fighting is a symptom of a much bigger problem that shouldn’t be ignored. You both have reasons not to fully trust the other. I do wonder if your conflict over what you call “insignificant stuff” is a way you two are dancing around basic issues of trust.
You are right to be concerned. Your relationship will not survive if the two of you don’t figure out how to manage conflict, how to communicate about difficult issues without getting defensive, and generally how to comfort and reassure each other when the going gets rough. You both have past hurts that are getting in your way.
If you want this relationship to last, I urge you to seek out a couples counselor. If you could figure out how to stop the fights and work as a team to solve problems, you would have done it already. A counselor can help you each heal from the past and can coach the two of you about how to manage conflict and anger productively.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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