My sister, whom is four years older than me, was once the most important person in my life. She was the one I would go to for advice, someone to vent to, and just someone to not make me feel so helpless. She was in a very serious relationship, until she found out some unpleasant things about him. They broke up. She became cold and distant. We stopped going out and no longer had that close relationship. I no longer went to her with any of my internal struggles because I felt like she was not in the right mindset to help me. She even seemed lost. She was my everything. After losing her, I feel like I have nobody. I always struggled with letting people in. She was the one person who I always knew I could open up to.
They broke up almost a year ago, and things have not changed. I am afraid I have lost her forever. I have great friends, but I also have a phobia of getting close to people and letting them in(except my sister). My family is wonderful, but I cannot talk to them about this. I have brought it up to my mother on several occasions, and she believes that she needs time. It’s almost been a year.
A few months ago, I had a breakdown and told her everything that was bothering me, including how distant she has been. She acknowledged her mistakes, apologized, and said she’ll be better. She didn’t change a bit. I feel as though I will never get my sister back. I have no one to talk to about my problems. I keep it all bottled up inside until I have a breakdown, alone.
I am a a crossroads and am feeling really lost. The person who I once thought would help me with everything, is no longer there for me. What do I do? (From the US)
A: I am sorry to hear about your sister. This may be a time for you to be a support to her rather than looking for her to respond. I would continue to group my relationships with others and invite your sister to connect with you. Rather than look to her, you be the one that just takes her out and helps her feel a bit better for the night. Sometime the best thing we can do is show our love and kindness for others. This can help them get out of a crummy place, while we feel better extending ourselves.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral
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