How Do I Get Everyone Else to Change?

From a teen in the U.S.: I wake up, I’m fine, someone does literally anything that I don’t agree with or approve of then I get angry as hell. Like for example, I’m unpacking my lunchbox and I got warm fruit cups that I want to put in the fridge, my mother is closest to the fridge so I ask her to take care of it, she says no. That is infuriating, like I have all these people who just f’in lie and s–t like its some sort of game.

Am I not good enough for the truth> do they feel the need to undercut me in some way even with the most trivial s–t? I mean another example, I’m in JROTC, my NSI is going on and on about some s–t like “you aint got a proper haircut so don’t show up in uniform” like what the f is that? Mil, regs state 3/4 of an inch and I know damn well I’m within regs but he still feels the need to point out some stupid bull and waste my f’ing time.

I mean maybe I got an issue that I compare myself as a standard to everyone one else but if that’s the case then how do I get everyone else to change cause ill be damned if I shift my own s–t. I run a successful life with lots of talents but these people still feel the need to be trivial and try and get on me for some s–t that really doesn’t f’ing matter?

Please explain this to me, I aint the smartest man in the world but I know damn well I aint supposed to be an angry f– 24/7, I’m irritable as f. Like I’m trying to talk to a room full of kids, and tell them what to do, and one kids yells at the top of his lungs, “why are you yelling?” then this b–ch has the audacity to say some s–t under her breath like “you do it all the time” like who the f–k are you? I f’ing worked my ass off and who I am got me where I am, your f’ing superior officer, but they all still feel the need to try and make this f’ing comments on who I am all the time. F them is my current stance but you’re the pro’s so here I am.

A: I believe you that you are intelligent and talented. But it takes more than a high IQ to get along with others. One also needs a high emotional intelligence and a well developed ability to look beyond our own needs and wants to see a larger picture.

I don’t know, of course, if your mom was setting out to aggravate you. But I do suggest that she may have had something more important on her mind than your fruit cups. Did you take a moment to figure out if she was busy or preoccupied with something?

You miss the point entirely about your superior officer, who is truly your superior in rank. His job is not to see your individuality. His job is to get everyone in the group to conform and to obey orders, no argument. In battle, should it ever come to that (and I sincerely hope it never does), it is not safe for the patrol if someone like you starts questioning the officer in charge. So — it’s not about who is right about the regulation. His comment is an attempt to get you to accept that he is in charge and you are not. If you can’t accept that, you would be a danger to your comrades.

I’m not trying to make excuses for other people. I wasn’t there. I am trying to help you consider that other people’s feelings, motives and agendas may simply be different from yours, not wrong. This is what makes human relationships so complicated.

The one thing you are very right about is the uselessness of all this anger. I hope you will consider talking with a therapist. I do think therapy will be a challenge for you. To go well, you will need to take in feedback and make some changes in your own perspectives — a tall order for you who wants the world to change instead. I hope you will take this seriously. Otherwise you could end up feeling very right but also very lonely.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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