My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. The first 9 months he was very very romantic and sexually active, but then the spark went away. He stopped buying flowers and gifts and saying sweet things to me or even saying happy birthday or celebrating our anniversary and texting me. We broke up a few times for his lack of romance, but he wanted to get back together each time after a few months. But again, He wouldn’t say he loved me or anything. And it just gets worse. The last 2 months he refuses any touch or holding hands and even sexual activities. He says there is something wrong with him or makes excuses.
Today I found out about aromantics that is a kind of asexuality. I wonder if he became aromantic or is he just depressed? If he is aromantic, is there something we could do? I am a very very romantic person.
A: Thank you for getting in touch with me. While I am unable to diagnose your boyfriend, it does sound as though there is a bit of a disconnect with your relationship. Given that during the beginning of your relationship your boyfriend did behave in a more romantic and sexual way, it is unlikely that he is aromantic. I would recommend that you focus on your needs in a relationship. If you choose that you want to try to work through this with your boyfriend, I would suggest having a frank discussion about the state of your relationship. It is also quite possible that the two of you express your affection for each other in different ways. I would recommend reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Through exploring your love language, this will help you to determine if you and your boyfriend are still in fact compatible, or if you need to part ways.
– Dr. Mimi
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