Should I Move On?

From a young woman in Malaysia: We met when he is doing his exchange at my uni. We hung out for a couple of weeks before deciding that we will officially date and then break up when he goes back his home country. When he went back, we had minimal contact until one day, he told me that he was seeing someone else. I then told him that I can’t keep in contact with him anymore because it isn’t healthy. He immediately broke contact with the other person and started to text me everyday.

After more than a month, he admitted that what we have is more than just good friends and that we should take some time to decide if we want to be in an LDR. It will be about 1-2 years before we meet again because the flight ticket is so expensive. After one week from that confession, we decided to call.

Within that one week, so much happened. I got into a minor car accident and everything that could go wrong with my assignments did go wrong. His mom got into the hospital, his house mates gave him a last minute’s notice about moving out, he still hasn’t got a place for internship, which is supposed to start next month and he has his finals coming up soon. So when he said he really likes me but that now is not the time for an LDR, I don’t know if I should move on or wait.

A: I think you should sloooww down. Way down. You are basing your feelings on a few weeks of closeness and a month of online interactions. That isn’t enough time or contact to even begin to plan a future together.

It’s wonderful that the two of you felt an attraction to each other. That always feels good. But for the two of you to focus on that right now is a distraction from dealing with your own issues. In order to even begin to develop a healthy relationship, you each need to get personally healthy. For you, that means dealing with school and personal safety. It sounds to me like he needs to look at how it is that he has been asked to leave the flat and that he hasn’t lined up an internship.

My suggestion? Once you take care of your own issues, stay single for awhile and explore relationships with men who you can actually see and go out with.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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