My Girlfriend Has Switched Off Her Feelings for Me

From a man in France: In the past two weeks my ex girlfriend and I of 27 yrs have started getting along well, she is friendly and polite when I visit her. She responds to my phone calls and texts quickly and always makes herself available to me.
She told me last night that she feels sad when I leave her to go home and that I should be staying at her apt but I blew it. I let her down once too often.

I told her that I love her and miss her and that its her decision to keep us separated. She told me that she has switched her feelings off to me and that’s that.

I don’t understand, because her body language suggests otherwise, when I’m talking to her, she gives me her full attention, her pupils are dilated and she twirls her fingers through her hair, she asks me to sit next to her and we laugh and joke. She also hugs me with long full body hugs of at least 10 seconds each time, she enters my personal body space and lets me enter hers to whisper in her ear, look into her eyes etc. We have also talked about sleeping together again too.

I feel that she loves me but is protecting herself from any further pain hence the switching off of her feelings. I don’t feel that she has forgiven me either even though she says she has.

I have adressed my issues and have learned from my mistakes and would dearly love the chance to reconcile with her. Her body language is telling me that she loves me and I don’t want to let her down again by giving up on her when she seems so vulnerable.

What can I do to help her switch her feelings for me back on?

A: I suspect your analysis is correct. Your girlfriend is pulling back to protect herself from further hurt.

As you have discovered, it is far easier to lose trust than to regain it. All you can do is exactly what you are doing. Show her that you have indeed learned from your mistakes and treat her well. If you are consistent enough for long enough, she may risk opening herself up to you again.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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