I am 45 and a very experienced therapy-goer. Despite difficulties early in life I am doing reasonably well.
At this point but I continue therapy for other improvements. I understand completely that a sexual or romantic relationship is verboten in a therapeutic relationship. I know very well what transference is as I am no newbie.
I have had romantic feelings for therapists in the past and never acted on anything. One of my past therapists had no idea until I told him. I’m pretty discreet and not impulsive one bit.
However with my latest therapist of almost two years, I feel what might be a mutual spark. I could be flattering myself it may be one sided. I have a vague sense that it is mutual but no one has crossed a blatant line. What are the ‘little things’ that are signs of trouble? Pre-violations if you will. What are the innocent beginnings that lead to the slippery slope?
He has been a great therapist and even if the feelings are mutual I really don’t think he will act on it. He seems ethical to me if not possibly having struggles of his own in his own life. I had such a hard time finding a good fit of a therapist I don’t want to give him up.
Talking about it has worked with therapists in the past because I was pretty sure this was all in my transference. This may be case where I am sensing something real.
Talking about it feels dangerous this time. Are there signs I am missing that will show me it is either all in my head or we are heading for trouble?
A: Talking about the danger with your therapist is essential. What you have explained here is a pattern of having romantic feelings for therapists in the past, which is normal but it also places this feeling on a continuum. Talk about it, talk about the process. The sign of ‘pre-violation’ is your feeling of danger. Don’t keep these feelings secret. The fact that it feels too dangerous to talk about should be an indication that you are not wanting to jeopardize the fantasy.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral
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