So my younger brother who is in his twenties just pulled out two knives on my mom in the kitchen because they got into a verbal fight. My mom is very over protective and cares about her kids very much and can sometimes be overbearing. My mom got into a verbal argument with him because she didn’t like who he was hanging out with and his current job. My brother goes from job to job and can never maintain one stable job. He is constantly asking my parents for money and they always give it to him because they feel bad for him. He asked my mom for gas money and he ended up using it for something else that she doesn’t approve of. Long story short, he went on his normal psycho outbursts that he always does but this time he pulled out the knife which he never has done before. I’m also concerned because whenever my brother is really pissed off he’ll say things like I’m going to go shoot some people I’m going to kill people he says this during his crazy psychotic outbursts, but then 10-15 minutes later when he’s calmed down he apologizes and says he doesn’t mean it. I have several videos I’ve recorded of him saying this, without him knowing. I recorded this because I NEVER ever want him to legally purchase a gun. If I ever found out he wanted to buy one, I want to use these videos to the police so they can put on his record that he cannot buy one. I know my brother very well, and a lot of times he can be really nice but when he says he is going to kill people it really frightens me, especially with all the active shooting going on. I don’t know what to do because if I call the police he’ll get arrested and his future will be destroyed.
A. Making a baby, pretty easy — raising a baby, not so easy. Effective parenting is not easily achieved. You probably have heard the term “enabler” used to describe someone who makes it possible for an alcoholic or drug addict to semi-function in the normal world. From your description, your parents are enablers for your brother. Your brother doesn’t need to deal with the realities of life because his mistakes and shortcomings will be rectified or mitigated by his parents. Pick the wrong career? Do the wrong things at work? No problem because the parents will give you a place to live and money when you need it.
There appears to be great emotional tension in your home. The interaction between your mother and brother raised the tension level to a dangerous point, to the point where your brother threatens your mother with two knives. This occurred after a verbal exchange. Clearly, something was wrong with that exchange and something was wrong with your brother’s behavior. Your brother needs to learn to control his anger, and your mother needs to learn to speak to your brother differently.
I would highly recommend family counseling. When your mother and father, help your brother to pay his bills or give him money for gas, they act as enablers. Enablers inhibit someone from growing. It is the enabler that allows the alcoholic to be an alcoholic. I am sure that no one in your family is deliberately attempting to cause problems and tension in the home, but they are doing so through poor interaction.
Family counseling will analyze the interaction of the family members to determine what needs to be changed. The therapist will then teach you how to make the corrections. Failure to make the proper corrections could lead to disastrous outcomes for the family. I hope you will consider my suggestion. Thanks for writing.
Dr. Kristina Randle
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