My Parents Don’t Approve of My Boyfriend

From a woman in the Philippines: My parents really hate my boyfriend for the following reasons:
1. He had been with so many girls in his life, he even slept with them, he even cohabited with 2 of his girls in the past, and my parents cant stand it, that is why they hate him so much to the point of disowning me if I still choose him.
2. He is a product of a broken family. His father cheated on his mother. So my parents are telling me that he is like his father.
3. Im a professional and he is not.

I love my parents as much as I love my boyfriend. He was my classmate since elementary, by the way. We’ve known each other since childhood. And his past relationships (and other negative behaviors) are not hidden to me. I knew it all. I don’t think i’m blinded by love, maybe I just want to believe that he can change, as he said he regrets his past and is willing to change, he is actually doing it now.

I really don’t know what to do. Please I need your comment on this. Thank you.

You are in your late 20s. You and your parents understand that you do not need their approval in choosing a partner. It is a testament to your love for them and your maturity that you want to calm their fears and reassure them that your choice is a good one. If you have known your boyfriend since you were very young, chances are your parents knew his family, too. There may be more to their concerns than they are sharing with you. I hope you will all remember that people do grow up and do learn from their own and others’ mistakes.

I understand your parents’ concerns as I am sure you do. Arguing about your difference of opinion isn’t likely to be helpful. It will probably be much more helpful if you and your boyfriend sit down with your parents and have a calm and loving conversation with them. You might consider including the following points:

At your age, it is unlikely that you will meet and love someone who has not been with others before you. Of more importance is what your boyfriend learned from his past and why he now believes he wants a life with you.

The fact that his father was a philanderer is also a reasonable concern. Just as with the first objection, the question to ask is what he learned from his father’s behavior. Some men conclude that “real men” cheat. Others are horrified by their father’s behavior and vow to be different.

The difference in profession is not necessarily a problem. The key is honesty. Have you and your boyfriend talked openly and honestly about the difference in your income potential and how you will handle it?

If you and your boyfriend can’t imagine having such a conversation with your parents, then I think you do have a problem — but not with your parents. These are questions the two of you should be addressing with each other. Once you do, you will be in a much better position to decide if this man is right for you.

I wish you well.

Dr. Marie

from Ask the Therapist http://bit.ly/2PWBoGA
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