From the U.S.: When people promote negatives not because they truly mean them and are sincerely looking out for you, Like “hey, you shouldn’t go for that promotion, it’s gonna be more hours, crappy this, shitty that., you wouldn’t like it..”; when in reality they want the job. Or in a relationship; t’s not you it’s me… you deserve better than I can treat you\etc. when they don’t really think they aren’t good for you, they just want to make you think it. Is there a term/word for that behavior beyond manipulation/deception?
There’s no formal DSM term for this habit. I do think it’s a hard way for the person to live. You’ve heard of optimistic people who look at the world through “rose-colored glasses”. This kind of person is looking through glasses that are covered in grime.
Often, I think, it is a case of “projection”. They don’t feel very good about themselves or their prospects in life so they “project’ (think of a movie projector) that pessimism on others. They assume that you don’t think they are good enough for your attention. They assume that the world isn’t going to be kind to you, just as they think the world isn’t kind to them.. In a way, it helps them feel less alone. As I said, it’s a hard way to live.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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