From the U.K.:My wife and I have been having problems in our marriage lately. The main argument as I understand it I would like her to stop being so angry with me when I’ve done something “wrong” and her side of the argument is I should “know” that I should do the things I do.
After googling such phrases as “wife is never satisfied” “wife blames all her problems on me” I read a few different articles and some of them really sounded like my wife might have BPD.
The reason why I ask is there a “lite” version is we can go for months without an episode of unreasonability happening. Your quiz seems to indicate she doesn’t have BPD but I feel something is going on.
A: I hesitate to assign a pathology to what may be a lack of skills. This is particularly true when a problem is only episodic. It may be, for example, that your wife didn’t grow up with parents who modeled how to deal constructively with conflict. It may be that she is so anxious about being at fault that she shifts blame rather than take responsibility. Or it may even be that the two of you aren’t in agreement about your respective roles in your relationship.
I suggest you consider seeing a couples therapist to talk about how to avoid the blame game and how to instead work on problems as a team.
In the meantime, you might find this article to be helpful: 10 rules for Friendly Fighting.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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