My Best Friend Committed Suicide

From India: one month back I lost my best friend, He committed suicide. I feel as if he betrayed and left me alone, his parents alone. As a result of which for anything bad that happens in my life I blame him. Also currently my boyfriend is facing some very serious family issue and obviously he is sad about it so there is limited contact with him.

I feel alone, I feel sad because I know my boyfriend is sad and my best friend is dead. I don’t feel like talking to anyone (I don’t have friends whom I feel I can trust). I use to share everything with my best friend but now have no one to.

I cannot concentrate on my studies which is my major issue as I am the topper of my college and have fear of not living up to expectations due to sadness. I have my exams near and I am not prepared.I have lost my appetite and sleep. I feel stressed up and my head aches all time. My head feels heavy. I miss my boyfriend a lot and I feel extremely lonely right now. I need him but I know he can’t be here.

At times I get suicidal thoughts but then it reminds me of my best friend’s death and his parents so I shun the thought away. I also feel that when I get too close to someone I loose them permanently and I have fear of loosing my boyfriend. I have fear of failing as I don’t study.

I am worried. I feel extremely lonely and dependent on one person and i have lost interest in everything.At times I cry all of a sudden. It becomes difficult to control crying and I fall in loop of feeling sad and crying.

A: Your friend has been gone for only a month. What you are describing is common for someone who is in the early stages of grief. Without someone to talk to, you haven’t been able to process the loss. This coupled with your other “loss” — your boyfriend’s attention — makes you want to just stop the world for awhile. I sympathize. Loss to suicide is especially difficult for those left behind.

Since you don’t have a friend you can trust, I encourage you to find a counselor or spiritual leader who is experienced in helping people manage grief. There is no shame in reaching to professionals, especially when someone doesn’t have a natural support system. You need to talk this out.

If it is possible, it might be helpful to take a break from school until you feel better. You are clearly smart enough to master the exams. But your current emotions are likely to get in the way of doing well. Explore whether you can take your exams in a few months – after you’ve had some counseling.

When you get to a better place in the grieving, I hope you will also work on becoming less dependent on so few people. As you’ve discovered, when a person has a limited support system, they are vulnerable to feeling alone when they most need someone to talk to.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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