I was accused of murdering my cousin when she came to live with me and my mother, and stepfather. I was unwell and under care of a psychiatrist at the time which solely led to police unwilling to move their focus to anyone else. It was public, and things came out that I felt were unfair, both true and false. I’ve been obsessed with having my side of the story known. My life since then has been aimless and but for that goal. I now realize I lost 15 years trying and hoping for something that I had no evidence would make any difference anyway. That too, something of an epiphany further adding to my current state. That is one where I now feel no purpose or have any desire to do anything with life and feel it not too far away where it becomes unmanageable and I will commit suicide, albeit not wanting it. Can it be as simple as writing to a newspaper and saying “up yours if you think I am the killer, and all these other things you have read about me”? To the police who botched the whole investigation from day one, never to even give us a crime scene, ” I think you need to provide answers to my family, and show why I should still be a suspect when there is no evidence, not just against me, but not against anyone or anything. Nothing. There is zero but for my having mental health treatment from a doctor which I sought. I went for help. And ended up before the courts and newspapers because of it. I’ve never been able to get past not speaking out in my defense, and I guess also that no family did for me either. It was horrible and now its all for nothing over a decade later. How can I get a sense of drive, purpose in life. I care not for work or career of any kind now. I don’t fear consequences for myself.
A. One of the most important things to realize, for you and almost all people, is that you cannot control what others think of you. You can try to control it, but you most certainly cannot control it. If we pick a well-known figure who has devoted his or her life to doing good for others, like Mother Teresa for instance, and then do a simple Google search we will find among other things, severe negative criticism. Most people would agree that she was a wonderful human being and did good and did not do evil, however there are people who think otherwise. Their negative thoughts are not fair and are not true, but they exist anyway.
You cannot control what other people think of you. You know that you are not guilty of killing your cousin. If the court found you innocent and the state Superior Court found you innocent and ultimately the United States Supreme Court found you innocent and if 1000 of the best and most highly respected religious leaders found you to be completely, 100% innocent, there would still be many people who would think you were guilty.
Think of how easily people judge other people. Based on a few lines in a tabloid, a blurb on TV or some rambling gossip from a friend, people form beliefs about another human being. No belief should be formed before all of the evidence has been examined and before a sincere effort of logical inquiry has been performed and even after both of these have occurred, there is still often an inability to form a solid opinion. Even after every effort has been made to find the truth, the objective human being may not have sufficient knowledge to form a solid opinion of truth or guilt or innocence.
Sadly, most human beings form opinions having made no attempt to look at the evidence, to look for the truth or to apply logical reasoning. People are quick to condemn for a number of reasons, none of them good.
There are those people in the world who believe you are innocent or believe that they cannot know if you are innocent or guilty and there are those who believe you are guilty. It simply does not matter. If God, stood on a cloud above the earth and announced to the world that you were and are innocent of any and every wrongdoing, there are people who would claim that, that was not God but was instead simple Hollywood special effects. They would have no evidence to believe that but then again they don’t need any evidence to form a false opinion.
It may be safe to say that most people in this country are Christians and they do believe that Jesus Christ was the son of God. Historically, Jesus Christ said that he was the son of God. At the time, his making that statement was enough justification for the people surrounding him to kill him. I cannot say with certainty, that most Americans are Christians but I can say with certainty that many, many Americans are Christians and do believe that Jesus Christ was and is the son of God and that it was a great travesty to have killed the son of God.
For those who believe this, it is evident that even the son of God, could not convince the people that surrounded him and knew him, of the truth. He could have chosen no better words to have been spoken. There were no better words to convince the ignorant. Words have power if they are weighed and understood but unfortunately many of those who judge you, neither weigh nor understand.
Christians believe that Jesus Christ will return to this earth. Have we advanced sufficiently to believe him? What words or deeds can he present us with, which will not cause many to cry out “special effects, liar, deceiver!” How far have we advanced in 2000 years?
Well, he probably won’t be crucified but he very well may end up in a mental institution.
If you, or any other reader, is offended by my religious comparisons, please forgive me. I thought it best to make the strongest comparison that I could. Many of you believe in Jesus Christ both sincerely and deeply. I wanted you to see that even the son of God was unable to change the minds of all of those that surrounded him.
Neither you, nor I, nor the son of God can control what other people think. Realizing this, it is time for you to stop caring about something that is beyond your control. Also realize that you are the one who knows the truth, you are innocent. Those who do not believe you, are simply wrong. Good luck.
Dr. Kristina Randle
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