I Want to Work Away for the Summer

From Canada: I’m 16 and depressed. I moved about 2 and a half hours away from where I used to live but I still visit all the time. My parents told me to get a job so I suggested that I go back and work where I used to live for the summer. My friend lives there who I am extremely close with, and our families have known each other for over three years now. My family and I trust them. I would be able to stay at there place and work there for the summer and also see my parents whenever they want because they visit frequently anyways.

My parents did not like this idea and disagreed despite me telling them it would make me really happy and that I felt strongly that it would help with my mental health. They won’t listen to me.

I might sound like a rebellious teen but I really do love my parents, I just think this would make me happy and there isn’t any harm done in letting me go. Not to mention they were completely okay with the idea of me going on an exchange overseas, with a family they’ve never met, complete strangers. This doesn’t make sense to me. Please help. Am I wrong?

A: Thank you for writing. It won’t help to make this an argument about who is right or wrong. People generally don’t stay open to ideas if they feel that talking will result in a fight.

What will be more helpful is to approach your parents with your confusion (not your anger or frustration) about why they think working in your former community is a poor choice. I do have a couple of guesses: They may not want to “burden” their friends or seem to be taking advantage of the friendship. Or they may want you to adjust to your new community and find friends there. Often a summer job is where teens connect and make new friendships.

I suggest that you try asking them. Stay calm. Stay open to their concerns. Politely offer your point of view. It sounds like you have the kind of positive relationship that a teen needs to have a positive and rational discussion.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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