Loneliness Is Killing Me

Please help me with advice. I am disabled and on social benefit. Am 28 years old. I have no one in my life and even though my main diagnosis is paranoid schizophrenia I have sadly these incurable, negative symptoms. My family is in ruins. Father is in prison and blocking rest of us life. My mother’s health is getting weaker and my brother is going his own way. My mother can’t sell our properties since father disputes over them. Court might take for expenses our properties. My father isn’t cooperating and I have no one in life. Toxic mother and brother who doesn’t communicate with me anymore. I wanted to make my mother happy so she isn’t alone so I helped her find her lover over dating sites. This man is also financially helping us. But I am always either alone or with my mother (sometimes with her lover). I have no one and no love. She says we will live after their (parents) death. I can inherit as disabled survivors pension only after their death. I can star
t life after their death. I can’t sleep for days, I have tremors and I barely eat. I constantly cry because I have girl from Philippines which I love. She is only light I have. But knowing I won’t be able to be with her many many years is killing me. I can’t stop crying and with her I burst in tears. I am falling apart. She is comforting me and I consider suicide, but she doesn’t allow me. Pain is too much. I promised her to be with her and marry her next year. But it may be longer… All the way until first parent dies. I can’t work since my work capability is revoked. If I start working I loose right to inherit survivors pension which is around 1000$. I would never earn that much by work and part time doesn’t exist. Competition ran over me in freelancing. I can’t do anything but wait. Wait what will they decide. But pain and tears never stop. It’s bitter cold loneliness. I simply hold onto my promise to be with her. I will wait, no matter how ill I get in age when I would finally be with her. She is only reason for me to keep living and not doing suicide. I simply am so afraid to lose her. (From Croatia)

A:   It seems as if there is a complication at every turn, yet I read that you have deep love for others, and have helped your mom find love. This is courage and kindness shining through, even when there are so many issues.

I appreciate you reaching out here to PsychCentral. It is a place where you can read and connect and get help with your daily thoughts. I am going to recommend our forums. They will give you a chance to get support and advice from others who have similar struggles — and they are free.

There are many struggles in your life, but the first and most powerful intervention for yourself right now is to get support through the forums. Feeling better first is part of the process of tackling the other issues.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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