I’m 25 weeks pregnant with my first child, his second, and I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. Before I got pregnant we were into alcohol and weed and clubs and we lived the fast paced city lifestyle. After I got pregnant, I decided to change my life for the better, cut off bad influences, and become a sober parent for my son especially since I know the pain of growing up with drug-abusing parents. My child’s father hasn’t changed any, and he says he doesn’t want to.. not even for our son. He says because of things that happened in the past, he loves me but he doesn’t trust me and he believes after I have my son I’ll go back to my old ways and that my changes are an act. He texts other women in my house, he barely talks to me, and he makes me feel unappreciated in every way. Because I didn’t have a father in my life growing up.. I’ve been trying to keep him around for my baby but, I’m starting to have second thoughts on whether this is more beneficial than it is harmful.. I don’t know what to do. WHATEVER I do needs to be the best possible option for my son.
A: Thank you for asking this. I applaud your decision to manage your behavior in the service of becoming a mom — good thinking. The next thing is to get some legal advice from the local woman’s center. The life-long financial responsibility and other concerns needs to be squarely placed in front of the baby’s father. His opinions, behaviors, and lifestyle need to be secondary concerns to his primary responsibility. The woman’s center can help you with counseling and legal advice. Take care of that first, then worry about if he should be in your life in any other way.
– Dr. Dan
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