Breakup Stages

I am wondering what stage of breakup I am in. Breakup occurred three weeks ago, had been five years with him. I’m starting to accept the reality, but I’m wondering if I’m still in denial and have the other four stages of grief to go through. He (former boyfriend) blindsided me with the breakup, it was sudden. I have spent many days being extremely upset and wanting him to contact me and tell me he regrets that decision. While I still hope he eventually regrets it, I feel like I’m starting to accept he is gone and let go. This would mean I skipped the anger, bargaining, and depression stages of grief and I can’t imagine I’d be in acceptance this early. However, I don’t feel like I’m in shock as much, and I am consciously telling myself the relationship is over and I need to move on. Does this mean I’m still in denial? Or does it seem like I am transitioning to a different stage?

Not everyone experiences grief in the same way. I’m sure that you have heard that many times. Thus, I cannot offer any opinion about what “stage” you may be in.

You stated that you were “blindsided” by the breakup. That you were oblivious to his unhappiness is unusual. Perhaps you were ignoring signs that it was ending. I’m wondering if he explained why he decided to leave? No matter the reason, it still hurts.

Breakups are difficult. That’s because usually they are not mutual. Usually, one person doesn’t want the relationship to end and they are the ones who suffer the most. Most people can relate because they too have experienced a similar loss. Psychologically, it’s difficult to endure the pain of a breakup but it will get better with time. It sounds as if you are handling it quite fine. You seem to be moving on, as all of us must after a break up.

Counseling may help to examine your situation. It’s worthwhile to examine the situation in general and specifically why you were blindsided by the breakup. It might also assist you in moving on. The best antidote to a breakup is a new relationship. Good luck and please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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