All my life I have dealt with a younger sibling who copies every interest of mine. We do not talk, get along and she does not like me so this is not a form of flattery or positive in any way. She seeks out my specific, unique interests all the time. She knows I hate it but she does not care, she just keeps getting worse and worse. There is not one interest of hers she figured out on her own. This has been happening for over ten years now and I have truly had enough. I have had friends who have dealt with this situation but it has not gotten as bad as my situation. She has nothing that makes her unique, she just follows others. Zero sense of self and it does not seem to bother her. I have searched and searched for any kind of disorder or condition this could be but all I have found is the Chronic Copycat, and links to personality disorders and possible sociopathic tendencies. I was wondering two things: 1- How do I get this to stop?, 2- What disorder/ condition could this be or cause this constant situation?
This is a very unusual situation. After having read many thousands of accounts of psychological conditions and illnesses, and studying psychology for many years, I have not seen anything quite like this. I’m wondering how you know about all the things she is doing to copy you. You said that you do not talk to her, so I have to wonder how you know this. Is there someone in your family or a friend who is telling you? In addition, if they are reporting back their findings about how she copies you, are they accurate in their reporting? Can you trust the person who is providing this information? Are they correct in their assessment of your sister?
I am also wondering about how exactly she seeks out your specific unique interests. In addition, how does she know that you hate it? How has that message been communicated to her? Again, if the two of you don’t talk, how is this information being imparted to her and how would she know what your specific interests are? If, for instance, she’s picking up information from you on social media, you might want to make those accounts private or close them. That way, she wouldn’t be able to know what you’re doing.
I wish you had provided specific examples of the manner in which she copies you. What behaviors is she engaging in? Are you characterizing everything she does as being a copy of yours and are you correct in your characterization? Sometimes people make wholesale statements but, when you dig deeper, one realizes that their characterization is not necessarily accurate and is being exaggerated. I’m not saying that you are wrong or exaggerating, I’m simply saying that it would have been more useful to have the facts, as opposed to a characterization of the facts.
There is no disorder and/or condition that I am aware of that precisely matches the behavior of your younger sibling. She may be engaging in some type of stalking-like behavior which could put you in a potentially dangerous situation. However, without more information, it’s difficult to know what might be happening.
As for getting her to stop, there’s very little you can do. Unless she’s engaging in dangerous behavior or she is putting herself or someone else at risk, she can’t be forced to undergo treatment. Even in a circumstance in which she is a danger to herself and others, she could only be held for a short time in a psychiatric institution and after that, she would likely be released. At that point, she’d be free to resume her behavior.
Unfortunately, you generally can’t force someone to change their behavior. There’s very little you can do in this situation except keep your distance and try to ignore it. If I had more specific information, I might have more guidance for you, but for now the best that you can probably do is avoid her.
It would also be interesting to know why her mimicking your interests is not considered flattery in your view. It’s very common for younger siblings to look up to their older siblings and to want to emulate them. Maybe she does admire you and wants to be like you. Perhaps not, but unless you have evidence suggesting that it is not done in the name of flattery, it may turn out just to be flattery.
Finally, I’m wondering why it bothers you so much. Obviously, you want to have your own life, independent of others but if you don’t speak to her, and you don’t have any interaction with her, then in what way does it impact you? It might be best to ignore it if you can.
Without more information, I can only provide general advice. If you would like to write back and provide more information and specifics about her behavior, I will try to give you a more direct answer. I hope this helps. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
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