From a teen in the U.S.: I feel like no one listens to me ever. I’m quiet around my house and in public. I keep most things to myself. I get irritated easily when I’m around a lot of people or at home. I also get bad memories of things that happened as a kid or recently. I just want to know ho to make it stop. I makes it difficult to be in public and I haven’t told my parents.
A: People can’t listen if you don’t speak. The more you don’t speak, the more difficult it will be to find your voice — and the more you will feel like no one listens to you. Please understand that your struggles are not unique to you. Many, many teens are anxious and confused about how to relate to others and how to be more comfortable in conversations.
The worst thing you can do is isolate. It’s important to participate in activities with other kids your age, even if you don’t have much to say at first. Just being around others on a routine basis will help you get more comfortable. The Greek philosopher Plato once said that you can learn as much about another person from an hour of play as from a year of conversation. So play. Join a team. Get involved with a theater group or a charitable cause. Having some fun doing good things will make conversation come more naturally.
Do remember that most people respond positively to someone who shows genuine interest in who they are and what they do. Even more important than having something great to say is to know how to ask questions to bring out the other person. Questions are the best way to start and continue a conversation.
If you continue to have so much difficulty, you might find it helpful to participate in some group therapy. The focus on group therapy is on helping people get more comfortable interacting with other people.
I wish you well,
Dr. Marie
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