I am 31 years old. I have been married to my husband for 6 years. I have a great job. I have had severe anxiety and depression for years and have recently over the last year come out of it. My problem is I have no friends Not a single one. I’ve had a couple of new jobs recently and everyone avoids me like the plague. I think I am nice, I don’t smell, I don’t insult people — I just don’t make a connection with people. I am lonely and don’t know what to do.
A. You said that you have only recently overcome your severe anxiety and depression. It’s possible that those illnesses have affected your ability to connect with people. Those disorders tend to keep people isolated.
You may also be looking for friends in the wrong places. It’s common for people to befriend someone at work and then leave for a new job and never talk to that “friend” again. Generally, those aren’t real friendships; they are acquaintances. Work friends tend to be convenience friends. These types of relationships are shallow (i.e. lack depth) in nature. True friends generally don’t lose touch with one another.
Not having more facts about your work situation makes it difficult to determine what might be wrong. For instance, how have you tried to connect with people? What has their reaction been? There are many more questions that need to be answered. It would be helpful for you to meet with a therapist who can objectively evaluate your situation. Group therapy is another option. Groups can provide important feedback about your interaction style.
Finally, you might try making friends outside of work. See what activities or groups are available in your community. At the very least, it will increase the number of people with whom you interact thereby decreasing your loneliness. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
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