Unsure about My Therapist

I have been going to weekly therapy for a year and half, as well as group therapy for the past year (with the same therapist). I am very comfortable with him and feel that we have a good rapport. It was difficult in the beginning because I have a lot of difficulty recognizing and expressing my emotions, but now I think that I have come to trust him. My issues included anxiety, depression, childhood trauma (bullying, divorce, isolation), and a medical condition I have with psychosomatic causes (scarring alopecia).
The therapy is not very goal oriented and I don’t have any clear idea on when it might be completed. Though I have gained insight into the way I function and the causes of my distress through much introspection, I can’t say that my issues have gotten much better. I want to believe in him and our relationship…that it can truly help me to form better relationships and minimize some of my depression and anxiety. However, I know I also have to think rationally and evaluate the changes that have been made in the past 18 months.

My sister and mother are worried about me…partly because of mood swings I’ve been having and partly because of my alopecia having flared up the last year. My sister wants me to set up an appointment with her former therapist (who is more goal oriented) but I feel I will be undermining my therapy and therapist. I don’t know what to do. It took me a long time to open up to him and I don’t want to let him go…but I also want to get better. (From Greece)

 

A:  Your therapist sounds like he has been helpful and supportive. The easiest thing to do is for you to put your need for a more goal directive therapy out to him. Therapists have different styles, training, and process — but I can’t imagine a therapist not wanting to honor your need to set goals and make progress toward them.

The establishment of the relationship is often key to many transformations in therapy. Now that the relationship has been established, it is time for you to help set the agenda.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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