I have been married to my husband for 9 years, together for 15. We’re in our 30s. Over the past couple of years, he has become increasingly disinterested in sex. We can only have sex when he wants to, never when I want to. We have sex maybe once a month. I’ve tried talking to him about the problem and telling him how I feel, but he doesn’t seem to acknowledge that it’s a big deal. He says he’s busy and tired, which I understand, but he also says that he has other things to occupy his time such as video games and TV/movie watching, and he doesn’t see sex as much of a priority in light of that, which hurts. He would never consider going to a therapist. I’m getting very lonely and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to get a divorce, and I don’t want to cheat on him. What should I do?
A: I would explain to him that this isn’t okay — that it is not the kind of life you signed up for and that you would want to go with him for therapy to try and sort it out. Be clear that this is hurtful for you and that the marriage isn’t working as things are. If he doesn’t go with you to therapy I would make an individual appointment to get emotional support for the changes you will need to make to either remain in the marriage or move on. Here is a link to an organization that has qualified couples therapist in your area.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral
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