Mother Daughter Relationship Strained

Ever since I can remember, starting from when my mom and dad got divorced, I was ill treated by my relatives on my mother’s side. I am not sure why it was but perhaps because I maintained good relations with my father despite the divorce. My father was never around since I can remember and I can recall being bullied by harsh words and being mocked at in front of my mother but she would never say anything. Sometimes they would say really nasty things about my dad in front of me and mock me for talking to him, other times they would call me anorexic although I was average fit for my age at the time. I didn’t know even the meaning of anorexia at that time, I must have been 10. Once during my exams, I remember having a huge argument with my mom over how her relatives treat me that way and how she doesn’t stand up for me. I must have been around 14 that time. But my mom always told me to be patient and that family is family. Once I told my Dad and he went in to a fit of rage and threatened my mother that he would take me and since then I got scared to share with my Dad so I only had my sister to really lean on to. But she was a different personality and would always be very silent. It’s been years since then and every year we experienced in our lives not one has gone by where we have not been criticized by them despite our mom having raised us all by herself. They neither helped us but it seemed were only there to criticize us. As I grew up I felt no sense of belonging and wanted to be away from them. My mother still tolerates whatever they do because she loves them despite the things they do. But when they treat her badly I have to hear it like a part of my life even if I no longer live with my mom. I am afraid if this continues I might lose needing my mom in my life ever which I feel guilty about. (From Malaysia)

I’d rather see you struggle with the guilt of detaching from your relatives and mother than add to the resentment from their bullying and your mom’s lack of empathy or support. I don’t think it has to be declared or made a big deal. Rather, expect less from them and continue investing in your own growth and development separate from your family.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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