Fear of Possibly Becoming/Wanting to Be Transgender

from the U.S> Hi, I’m a 14 year old girl and I would really appreciate it if you would help me. I’ve barely been able to function for the past few days, and all I want is to be happy again. I want to feel like a normal 9th grader again.

Basically, I suffered from a “relapse” of HOCD a few days ago, and for some reason that spiraled into me wondering, “what if I’m having these thoughts because I want to become a man?” Ever since then I’ve been terrified, I’m on edge and I’ve had two panic attacks over the past three days. Here’s what I’ve been feeling:

• Heart palpitations/panic attacks
• Intrusive thoughts for example (I want to be a man, you’re not a girl) -these scare me the most
• Jumblwd thoughts, if I want to think “I don’t want to be a man” it will instead come out as “I don’t want to be a girl”
• Loss of attraction to people I once found extremely attractive
• I don’t have depression (I think) but I’ve been feeling very upset, depressed, and not wanting to even leave my bed
• when I look at pictures of myself or look in the mirror, I keep thinking “what if this isn’t me? What if I don’t want to be a girl anymore?”
• If I imagine myself with a guy I like/find attractive, I get “changed” and have manly features

These thoughts make me extremely anxious and stop me from wanting to eat, sleep, and be around people in general
Please if you could help me I would appreciate it, I’ve heard of CBT therapy for OCD, but I’m not sure if my therapist has, or if she specializes in that sort of thing. I just want to live a normal life again. Thank you

 

A: What you are describing is an intense episode of masculine/feminine HOCD. In this form of OCD a person’s perception of masculinity or femininity is very sterotypical. Any deviation from the stereotype in a person’s thinking (and most of us do deviate) sets off the OCD.

CBT Theapy is generally thought to be the therapy intervention of choice for this situation. It helps a person deal with their distorted beliefs around gender and teaches tools for stopping the thoughts.

At 14, it’s normal to be asking questions about your sexuality. Unfortunately, the form your questioning is taking is making you miserable. CBT will help you get back to the normal teen exploration of who you are.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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