I am 26 and I’m in a relationship with my best friend. We decided to get married and move in together. The thing is my mother and other members of my family won’t approve him because he lives in another city and they think that my boyfriend is not the part of our social group. They don’t know him, and my mother doesn’t want to meet him. I had a talk with my brother and he said that it’s very disrespectful of me and I behave selfishly and embarrass him. All that because of me thinking about moving to another city. My mother doesn’t know yet about my decision, I have to lie to her from time to time just to take my time and be prepared for all of the fighting and drama. It bothers me a lot, I love my boyfriend he loves me and we’ve been in love for 6 years. How should I deal with my family? (From the country of Georgia)
A: It is unfortunate that your family isn’t thinking about your needs, future, or joy. Their myopic view of the situation seems to come from their limitations and self interest rather than your happiness.
Invest in your future with your fiancé and invite your family’s to part of this new phase of your life. Give them every opportunity to meet, connect, celebrate, talk and get to know your intended. But make it very clear that you are disappointed in them trying to limit your life for their own reasons. Sharing your disappointment with their behavior and attitude is important because it begin the process of individuation — and you establishing that your needs are different than theirs.
I would also discuss this with your fiancé and see if he would be willing to reach out to them directly. This can also be a way for you and he to take the issue to them rather than your family criticizing what they don’t know.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral
from Ask the Therapist http://ift.tt/2cH4HhU
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