Should I Seek Therapy?

From Canada: I’m sure this will sound absurd, but this is my situation. I’ve been in a relationship with a man for 2 years. We moved in together very early on. He has had a previous drug problem which he has sought help for. I found out last year that for most of the time we had been together, he was cheating on me with prostitutes. At that time, I was pregnant and we went to see a therapist and decided to work through it. Over this past year, he claims to have not cheated but I’ve found that he has been texting prostitutes several times. He denies ever doing anything and says he hasn’t cheated in a year. I do bring it up very often as I’m skeptical about how truthful he really is.

My problem is this; I have a few overnight work functions that I have to attend and I’m terrified to go as I think he’ll cheat. He of course says that he won’t. am I crazy for not believing him? Every time I’ve been away overnight (visiting family etc) he has either cheated, or called/text/looked up prostitutes. He insists that I need help and have issues every time I bring it up looking for reassurance. I have my faults too; when I found out I’ve threatened to cheat on him behind his back as revenge, but never have. Would you even recommend couples counseling, or is this a “me” problem?

 

A:  You are not the problem. You are not crazy for thinking he’ll cheat. He has already betrayed your trust many times. My question to you is this: How many more times will he have to cheat before you believe that he is a cheater?

Yes, you have problems of your own. Threatening to cheat as a pay back is immature and unwise. But that doesn’t absolve him of responsibility for his own actions.

If you didn’t have a child, I would advise you to cut your losses and get out immediately. But since there is a child involved, it may be worth it to give this relationship one more try by getting some counseling. If you do, keep your child’s needs ahead of your own. What kind of relationship do you want your child to grow up believing is a good one? Only stay if you and your partner can make a healthy, respectful relationship with each other.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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