Self-Compassion: A Research Round-Up

Self-compassion involves practicing self-kindness rather than self-judgment; understanding that all human beings suffer instead of feeling alone in our suffering; and practicing mindfulness rather than over-identifying with our thoughts and feelings.

Behavioral health and psychology research overwhelmingly supports the benefits of self-compassion and research is becoming increasingly specific in terms of the applications of self-compassion in mental healthcare settings.

The following findings represent some of the latest research that has been published in the field of self-compassion and specific mental health outcomes. These findings continue to support the notion that when it comes to boosting psychological well-being and preventing complications from mental illness, teaching self-compassion is a beneficial and worthwhile endeavor.

College-aged men who were self-compassionate were more likely to seek help for mental health issues.

 A study published in January found that levels of self-compassion played a role in whether college-aged men sought help for mental health concerns.

 The study investigated whether one’s ability to show self-kindness had an impact on mens’ adherence to social norms of masculinity, which may hold men back from asking for help.

 The study found that men who had more self-compassion were, in fact, less likely to be affected by the potential stigmas associate with seeking help for mental health issues.

 The takeaway may be that if heightened levels of self-compassion are associated with mens’ likelihood of seeking mental health help, teaching skills for self-compassion might be prioritized in young men and teenage boys as a preventative measure.

 A boost in self-compassion was also tied to a boost in well-being among first-year college students.

 In a related study, which was published this month in Personality and Individual Differences, levels of self-compassion were examined in first-year college students over a period of time.

 The researchers found that changes in self-compassion were related to positive changes in well-being among the group of predominantly female students.

 They found that self-compassion enhanced the satisfaction of psychological needs, pointing to the notion that methods to enhance self-compassion in first-year college students might help to offset declines in well-being that are common among college students.

 Compassion-based interventions were effective in reducing depressive symptoms in suicidal African Americans.

 A study published this month in Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior looked at the ways that compassion meditation might reduce self-criticism and ultimately decrease depressive symptoms in a low-income African American population.

The study participants, who had recently attempted suicide, were assigned to complete either a six-session compassion meditation or a six-session support group. Those who completed the compassion meditation group showed greater reductions in self-criticism. It was also found that self-criticism was in fact a mediator of the depressive symptoms.

Broadly, these findings may suggest that compassion-based approaches are effective in the treatment of depression and also that self-criticism specifically is a worthwhile treatment target.

Self-compassion was tied to post-traumatic growth and adaptive cognitive processes after trauma.

 A paper published in February in the journal Mindfulness sought to examine the links between self-compassion and post-traumatic growth or positive changes as opposed to negative ones after trauma.

 The study looked at a group of ethnically diverse college students who had experienced trauma. The data collected showed a clear connection between self-compassion and post-traumatic growth, specifically through the processes of positive reframing and presence of meaning.

The findings suggest that overall, self-compassion may be connected with more healthy cognitive processing post-trauma, leading to post-traumatic growth.

 Partners of cancer patients benefited from a web-based intervention based on acceptance and commitment therapy and self-compassion.

 Caring for a loved one with a cancer diagnosis can be extremely taxing psychologically, but many caregivers do not utilize mental health services. Though many caregivers report mental health issues, they rarely utilize support or mental health care.

A study published in February sought to examine whether a self-help web-based intervention based in acceptance and commitment therapy and self-compassion could serve to help partners of cancer patients and found that the intervention was useful in helping them to practice self-kindness, to manage difficult emotions and to feel more connected with their partner.

 The investigators concluded that such an intervention could be an effective tool in helping to support partners of cancer patients through what is a very challenging process.

 

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Book Review: Brain Briefs

Have you ever wondered if multitasking is an effective work strategy? Why we develop prejudices? Whether playing Mozart will make your infant smarter? What the differences between the right and left sides of our brains are? How we deal with cognitive dissonance? In Brain Briefs: Answers to the Most (and Least) Pressing Questions about Your Mind, Art Markman and Bob Duke address all of these questions — and more — in forty 5-10 page explanations.

Based on their successful podcast, Two Guys on Your Head, Brain Briefs draws on Markman and Duke’s expertise as teachers and academics and covers a wide range of common psychology concepts and questions.

Like the podcast, Brain Briefs is constructed with the average-but-interested listener in mind. The book requires no familiarity with psychology or its foundational concepts, but does address common misconceptions — especially entrenched ideas that have been established by pop psychology.

There’s nothing stuffy or condescending about Brain Briefs. Rather, its greatest success is the accessibility of the content and the appealing tone established by the two authors, who are friends and coworkers. Neither authors shy away from a joke at their own expense to clarify a point or to put the reader at ease. Fans of the podcast will certainly recognize their easygoing style and patient explanations.

Each short chapter begins with a question, which the authors then address using anecdotes and personal examples to illustrate their explanations. Each chapter ends with a pithy saying that encapsulates the primary point of the discussion, i.e., as the two point out, “the sort of insight you might cross-stitch on a pillow.”

These range from “you just never know” to “your brain has many facets, but it doesn’t choose sides,” to “better than brain games: learn to make music.” These nuggets are another expression of the accessible tone and approach Markman and Duke take in Brain Briefs.

Readers of any familiarity with psychology can easily grasp their discussions; they may opt to enjoy it in short bursts, or read it start to finish with little difficulty.

The chapters work fairly independently of one another, and don’t necessarily build on each other in a cumulative way, but with some overlap in terms of subject matter. The idea seems to be that readers might skip around as they like or return to connected ideas, such as the ways in which we try to reach our fullest potential.

Three related topics include: “Is it true that we only use 10 percent of our brains?” “Should we play brain games?” And “Does listening to Mozart make us smarter?” While there is a degree of repetition between the points made in these related chapters, Duke and Markman keep their examples fresh—and always provide readers with a new cross-stitch to conclude their points.

In their introduction, Markman and Duke hope that:

“You will find [it] to be a source of entertainment, one that piques your curiosity, prompts conversation with friends, and perhaps a few nuggets of insight. Even better if you can apply what you learn to your own life…”

With this in mind, I would declare Brain Briefs to be a resounding success. It not only provides excellent cocktail party conversation, it also inspires its readers to consider how they approach conflict, how they think about concepts like memory and productivity, how they stimulate creativity, and how they perceive other people. These are all necessary questions to us as human beings and Brain Briefs is an excellent primer.

This book nurtures the very curiosity that might lead someone to pick it up in the first place. And unlike many authors who seek to inform the average reader about psychological principles, Markman and Duke do not devote the bulk of their time to correcting misinformation. Rather they provide accurate, updated explanations of contemporary psychology and foster excitement rather than criticizing outdated or overly popularized ideas. Moreover, they empower their readers to continue their investigations with a diverse but not overwhelming list of references.

In short, Brain Briefs should appeal to anyone with a passing interest in psychology and cognitive science. The wit and wry humor of its two authors provides an appealing introduction to the field and more than a little fodder for personal and social contemplation of the ideas explained within. It is a quick, easy read.

Brain Briefs: Answers to the Most (and Least) Pressing Questions about Your Mind
Art Markman and Bob Duke
Sterling Publishing, October 2016
Hardcover, 278 pages
$19.95

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Using Your Imagination to Increase Your Patience

After a week of Spring Break with my kids, trying to take care of their needs while also working from home, I’m reaching the outer limits of my patience. What if there was a way to train myself to become more patient?

Past research into this subject by scientists has usually focused on increasing willpower, but a new study suggests that instead, using imagination is a way to becoming more patient.

“Whereas willpower might enable people to override impulses, imagining the consequences of their choices might change the impulses,” wrote study author Adrianna Jenkins, a postdoctoral researcher at UC Berkeley Haas School of Business. “People tend to pay attention to what is in their immediate vicinity, but there are benefits to imagining the possible consequences of their choices.”

To conduct the research, Jenkins and Ming Hsu, an associate professor of marketing and neuroscience, used a monetary award for participants. They were given choices about how to receive this monetary award, which stayed the same, but how it was framed, or expressed, was different. One group was told they could receive $100 tomorrow, or $120 in 30 days — this was the “independent” frame. The other group was told that they could receive $100 tomorrow and no money in 30 days, or no money tomorrow and $120 in 30 days. This was called a “sequence” frame. Same results financially, but different communication.

It turned out that people in the sequence frame group were able to better imagine the consequence of their choices. One participant, for example, wrote, “It would be nice to have the $100 now, but $20 more at the end of the month is probably worth it because this is like one week’s gas money.” Participants who had the independent frame presented to them demonstrated less imagination. One participant commented, “I’d rather have the money tomorrow even if it’s a lesser amount. I can get the things I need instead of waiting. Why wait a month for just $20 more?”

The more participants imagined the consequences of their choices, the more they were able to be patient in order to receive the greater reward. “We know people often have difficulty being patient,” Jenkins wrote. “Our findings suggest that imagination is a possible route for attaining patience that may be more sustainable and practical than exerting willpower.”

Which is good, because willpower, as many of us can attest, won’t always cut it!

This post courtesy of Spirituality & Health.

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Book Review: Transforming ADHD

ADHD is not as it sounds — an attention deficit disorder.

According to the authors of Transforming ADHD: Simple, Effective Attention & Action Regulation Skills To Help You Focus & Succeed, Greg Crosby, MA, LPC, and Tonya K. Lippert, PhD, ADHD is a difficulty regulating and adjusting attention to fit the situation you are in.

Guided by the interdisciplinary approach known as interpersonal neurobiology, Crosby and Lippert show that ADHD is about much more than simply learning to pay attention. It is about successfully navigating and recognizing the external and internal environments that influence attention.

“The biggest confusion about ADHD seems to stem from its reference to a ‘deficit.’ As ADHD scholar Hallowell and Ratey (2005) said to refer to an attention deficit when speaking of the experience of ADHD ‘completely misses the point’,” write Crosby and Lippert.

According to the authors, attention is biased — that is, it moves toward some things and away from others. For those with ADHD, it’s not that attention itself but the flexibility or control of attention that is lacking. The result of this low attention regulation, is not just over-focusing and under-focusing; it also effects how we sustain effort and manage emotions.

One biochemical reason people with ADHD may have difficulty paying attention to what is not exciting is because they have lower levels of dopamine. Low dopamine function in turn leads to behaviors that seek to compensate for dopamine deficiency.

Crosby and Lippert offer helpful tips for those with ADHD to learn to place their attention where they want. Learning what they call the four S’s of attention – starting, sustaining, stopping, and shifting – can be helpful. Next, by paying attention to what activities attract and detract attention, and pairing activities of low interest with those of high interest, those with ADHD can practice sustaining attention when it might otherwise wander.

A person’s environment can also have a significant impact on his or her ability to pay attention, according to the authors. They write that part of becoming successful with ADHD involves designing your environment for optimal attention and action regulation.

“When it comes to long-term goals, (designing your exterior environment to work with your interior environment) means introducing representations of your desired future into your present by, for example, taping pictures of your desired home on your computer screen if your impulsive purchases occur online,” write Crosby and Lippert.

They also offer some other examples of environmental design such as closing yourself into a room where you are less accessible to the dog, wearing headphones, working away from home or taping an assignment list to the side of your computer monitor.

Another practice, which Crosby and Lippert call Introduce Results of Tomorrow Today (IRTT) helps those with ADHD overcome urges that draw attention away from the long term results they want.

Crosby and Lippert tell the story of Zelda, who had tried and failed to quit cigarettes many times. It wasn’t until she made a pact with a close friend that if she smoked she’d have to give $5000 to the KKK that Zelda was able to quite for good. This practice is a powerful way to maintain personal accountability, and also to learn that with a little effort, it is possible to design an environment that improves attention and action regulation.

Those with ADHD can also adopt healthy behavior to change not just attention and action regulation, but the gene expression related to them – which is called epigenetics. Crosby and Lippert cite one study where exercise was shown to affect the gene expression within cells throughout the body – brain, heart, bone, muscle, mouth and fat – including directly altering fat formation. One helpful brain exercise the authors recommend: Replace multi-tasking with mindful-tasking.

Understanding relationships and the neurobiology between them is also important in managing ADHD. One important reason, the authors write, is that people with ADHD have higher rates of insecure attachment as children, which predisposes them to poor self-regulation.

While we can’t rewrite our childhoods, what we can do is better understand our attachment patterns (for which the authors offer a helpful quiz) and then shift to security through reflecting on our childhood and practicing mindfulness.

Learning to communicate more effectively is also fundamental for people with ADHD. The authors suggest practicing mindful listening, paraphrasing, and what they call “urge surfing” or learning to notice — but not respond to — urges within a conversation.

“When you surf an urge, including the urge to interrupt, you notice the urge without acting on it. It’s an action regulation skill — a way to stop an action,” they write.

Packed with useful and effective exercises, Transforming ADHD offers a fresh and insightful look at ADHD – and one that might just change your life.

Transforming ADHD: Simple, Effective Attention & Action Regulation Skills To Help You Focus & Succeed
Greg Crosby, MA, LPC
Tonya K. Lippert, PhD
New Harbinger Publications (January 2017)
Softcover, 156 Pages
$16.95

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Writing Prompts for Recovery from an Abusive/Toxic Relationship

Journaling is a powerful tool for healing from childhood trauma and toxic relationships.  Once you make the decision to begin the healing process from a toxic or abusive relationship, you need to do many things to heal and it’s often not obvious what to do.

One thing that is very therapeutic is the journal.  Following are a list of exercises you can do every day to help yourself reflect, feel, and heal from an abusive past and present. Remember this recovery truth: “You must feel your way through the pain; you cannot heal by going around it.”  Writing helps you feel.

Day 1:

Where are you today?  What areas of your life are causing you the most concern and emotional pain?

Describe how you feel about your early childhood.

Day 2:

What emotional needs are you trying to obtain from someone else?  List the biggest needs you feel are not being fulfilled in your relationship.

Write the feelings you experience as a result of these unmet needs.

Now, think back to your earliest memories and think of a time when you had the experience of having these same unmet needs and the resulting emotions.  Write about that time in your life.

Day 3:

Draw your feelings.  Once you draw them using descriptive pictures and metaphors, observe them, notice them, and validate them.

Day 4:

Write your feelings of anger. Write a list of everyone you’re angry with and why.

Begin writing a letter to the person you are most angry with (this is not to be given or read to the person; it is for your eyes only and is a tool to help you process through and express your anger in a healing way.)

Day 5:

Continue writing your letter to the person you are most angry with. Write as much as you need to, until you feel complete.

If you have anger towards others, begin writing a letter to those people as well. Continue writing anything down regarding your anger until you feel complete with each person on your list. This may take many days to complete.

Day 6:

What unmet needs do you experience that you don’t believe you can fulfill yourself?

What prevents you the most from living life on your own terms?

Day 7:

Draw a picture of your family in your childhood. Draw the rooms in your house. Where was each family member located? Show who was violating boundaries; who was abusive; who was not present.

Draw a picture of your current family using same criteria as above.

Day 8:

Write a list of every negative thing you can think of that you tell yourself. Think of every self-critical and condemning message you repeat over and over in your head.  Once you’ve completed your list, write a second list with a positive statement that is self-accepting and loving to counteract each negative message.

Day 9:

Write a list of positive, self-affirming mantras to start memorizing and internalizing in your life each day. Use these to replace the negative messages you’ve grown accustomed to.

Day 10:

Write a letter to your younger self—the self that went through a loss or trauma—from your today self. What would you say to comfort him/her? What advice would you give? Offer your past self the acceptance, validation, and nurturing that he/she needs.

Day 11:

Sit for a while and think about the different “parts” of yourself. Do you have a “young self,” a “party girl,” a “rebel,” etc. Identify the different aspects of your personality that tend to show up in your life.  This list will help you as you continue the process of recovery. If you see that you have many unhealthy personas and very few strong or compassionate personas, you can see where work is needed.

Draw a picture of the different parts of yourself; reflect on your drawing.

Day 122:

Start getting used to writing from the different aspects of yourself. For instance, today, write how your “guilty self” feels.  Once you’ve done this, have your inner “compassionate companion” respond.

Day 13:

Write about your childhood experiences in the third person, as though it happened to someone else (Once upon a time there was a little girl named Sally. She was a very pretty little girl…) After you’ve described your childhood and its effects on the child in you, read your story aloud. How does reading and hearing about your childhood from a different perspective help you develop self-compassion?

Day 14:

Think about your day. What types of thoughts have troubled you the most today?  Write these down in your journal.

Now, from your “wise self” write advice to your “troubled self” about what he/she can do to create a solution.

Day 15:

Write a list of people you need to forgive.

Write a letter to each person on your list stating what you need to forgive and why.

Day 16:

Write a list of people whom you have wronged and from whom you need to ask forgiveness.

Write letters to these people as well.

Day 17:

Write a letter to anyone you have any unfinished emotional business to contend with. Be completely candid in your letters, describing what your feelings are and what you need to say to each person. As with all journal writings, these letters are for your eyes only and should be written with complete honesty and candidness.

Moving Forward:

Journaling is an important habit to develop in your life. These prompts should help you to begin the habit of writing and/or drawing each day to help yourself reflect and develop a strong relationship with yourself.

So many of us spend years of our lives looking for a hero in other people, when the truth is, the only hero that is really going to have the biggest impact on our lives is ourselves.

As you continue on your writing journey, keep writing to the different aspects of yourself.  Have your “hurting self” talk to your “wise self.”  Have your “unstable self” get advice from your “mature self.”  This type of process will teach you that you can rely on yourself and you really don’t need others to fix you.

Just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz realized that the answers to her search for home were already within her during her entire quest through the Land of Oz, so you must learn that the answers to your recovery search reside within your own relationship with self as well.

 

If you would like to receive my free newsletter on the psychology of abuse please send me your email address at: sharie@therecoveryexpert.com.

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Psychopathic Behavior as a Child

I am looking for some insight on a very personal matter that no body knows about me. Not even my parents. I have seen numerous posts on reddit that detail early signs and symptoms of psychopathy and I’m just a bit concerned. I do by no means believe I am a psychopath but I am aware that I may be a bit more prone to mental illness (My granddad and Aunt were Manic Depressive). I know I should seek proper counseling and not ask questions online but I’m curious to hear your opinions on the matter.
What it boils down to are my actions as a child. It began even before my stepfather (who played a huge role in my teenage turmoil) came in to my life. I have a memory (it grows weaker by the day) of being around 4-5 years old and sadistically chasing my mums canaries around a room with a hammer. Although I don’t remember killing them I do remember running around the room with the hammer and also when my mum asked me what happened to them. I asked her about this recently and she said she cant remember anything. The next instance was when I was 9 years old. My Stepfather had a baby boy with my mum. There were multiple occasion where I would twist his arm to make him cry, the crying would irritate me and I would twist it more because of this. Unfortunately I broke his arm one time (This my parents found out about of course). I don’t want any judgement on this please. The baby was only maybe 8 months old and of course I am disgusted by what I did but I’m looking for insight not j
udgement. The last sadistic behavior I remember was at about 10-11 years old. One of my cats gave birth to 4 kittens and I am pretty sure I caused the death of all four. I would be in the room on my own and I would press down on their stomachs to make them squeal. Although they never died on the spot they passed away pretty quickly and I am sure I caused some major internal injuries.
I remember some of the moments very clearly but what I remember mostly was the guilt. In particular when my brother would scream in pain I would have the feeling wash over me instantly and I would keep doing it for some reason. It was the same feeling I got from telling him that his mam and dad weren’t ever coming back (Parents gone in to the shop, me and brother in the car)
I will finish up by saving that I consider my self a normal young adult right now. I have some issues with anxiety but I put that down to smoking grass. But I’m just wondering if this behavior as a child could manifest itself again in my later years when my mental health starts to deteriorate.
P.S I have a great relationship now with my family and stepfather who actually provided my mum with two more kids after this. They mean the world to me so I’m curious as to where this behavior stemmed.

A. I don’t think there are easy answers to your questions. Part of the problem in providing a definitive answer is that memory is fallible. Your first memory is fading and cannot be corroborated by your mother. Therefore, it may not have actually happened.

Your childhood behaviors are concerning, but they may not be indicative of psychopathy. There are many reasons why children behave the way they do. You could’ve been acting out of frustration or curiosity. It’s important to remember that children and adults are very different. Children are not mini-adults. Developmental science supports that view. Children are still developing and maturing and therefore are held to a different standard than adults. Children, who commit crimes, are typically adjudicated under laws that apply to children and receive a much less severe punishment than when adjudicated as an adult. They are held less responsible because they are less responsible.

Psychopathy is not a diagnosis that can be found in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders (DSM-5), the book that mental professionals use to diagnose mental health disorders. If psychopathy is suspected in adulthood, they might receive the diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder. If psychopathy is suspected in childhood, a diagnosis of conduct disorder may be given. Conduct disorder represents a group of behavioral and emotional problems including: aggression to people and animals, destruction of property, deceitfulness, theft, and violating parental and societal rules. Simple displaying one of these behaviors would not be enough to warrant a diagnosis of conduct disorder.

The fact that your problematic behaviors have faded is a good sign. There’s also evidence that you felt guilt. Psychopaths typically don’t feel guilt.

You may never know why you did what you did but thankfully those problems seem like a thing of the past. However, there is one concern that you seem to be minimizing, which is the anxiety associated with marijuana use.

Recreational marijuana use is becoming more acceptable but that doesn’t make it any safer. Anecdotally, I receive many letters from people who smoke marijuana and have developed a host of negative symptoms including anxiety and derealization. Scientific studies have indicated that marijuana use increases the possibility of psychosis. Continuing to use marijuana is risky. It can be difficult to stop using drugs. You might consult a therapist who can help. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Anxiety: 3 Dietary Supplements Which Are Most Beneficial

The three dietary supplements that are most effective for treating anxiety.

• Click here for your free sample of Dr Jeremy Dean's latest ebook The Anxiety Plan: 42 Strategies For Worry, Phobias, OCD and Panic

• Dr Dean is also the author of Spark: 17 Steps That Will Boost Your Motivation For Anything.

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6 Ways Being In Nature Linked To Life Satisfaction

A well managed natural environment is particularly important to people.

• Click here for your free sample of Dr Jeremy Dean's latest ebook The Anxiety Plan: 42 Strategies For Worry, Phobias, OCD and Panic

• Dr Dean is also the author of Spark: 17 Steps That Will Boost Your Motivation For Anything.

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Dialectical Behavior Therapy: For More Than Borderline Personality Disorder

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), developed by Marsha Linehan in the late 1980’s is a specific type of cognitive behavioral therapy that was originally developed to treat chronically suicidal individuals diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD).  It is now considered the treatment of choice for individuals with characteristics associated with symptoms of BPD such as impulsivity, interpersonal problems, emotion dysregulation, self-harm, and chronic suicidal behaviors.

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is a type of cognitive therapy that focuses on the balance between acceptance and change. DBT works with individuals to validate their pain and suffering while developing skills to make the changes needed to have a life worth living. The term “dialectical” refers to the philosophy of synthesizing two opposing perspectives or ideas that can exist simultaneously, such as acceptance and change.

A key component of DBT is skills training. DBT has 4 modules of skills, mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotional regulation, and distress tolerance. Each module helps individuals develops skills to manage their life more effectively and develop improved quality of life. The skills training and treatment of DBT is applicable to people with a wide range of mental health conditions to improve overall well-being, emotion management, and decrease negative emotions and distress. Therefore, DBT treatment or DBT informed therapy may be beneficial for individuals with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, addiction, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

DBT for Depression

Dialectical Behavior Therapy has skills to address specifically for people struggling with depression. DBT teaches mindfulness helping individuals learning to live in the moment rather than the past. DBT teaches increasing pleasurable activities to empower people to add more joyous experiences to their lives. DBT also teaches behavior activation and opposite to emotion action. These are evidence based tools for depression and it helps to know what works.

DBT for Anxiety

Dialectical Behavior Therapy gives individuals concrete ways to live in the present moment. It teaches people to observe, describe, and participate in the moment. For individuals with anxiety this can be particularly challenging. DBT focuses on mindfulness and how to use these skills to decrease the intensity of negative emotions so feelings become manageable.

DBT for Eating Disorders

Dialectical Behavior Therapy has been adapted for treating individuals with eating disorders and focuses on skills that increase mindfulness, appropriately regulate emotion, and safely tolerate distress. DBT helps individuals identify the trigger and utilize skills to avoid the eating disorder behavior.

DBT for Addiction

Dialectical Behavior Therapy has an adaptation for individuals with substance use disorders. The skills can be applied to understanding “dialectical abstinence,” which encourages abstinence (change) but acknowledges that should a relapse occur that recovery is still possible and progress was still made (acceptance). DBT-SUD focused on mindfulness (one day at a time and non-judgmental stance), distress tolerance, and emotion regulation skills to help individuals develop long term recovery skills. The skills can also be applied to other types of addiction than just substances such as gambling.

DBT for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Dialectical Behavior Therapy is shown to help clients with PTSD decrease the frequency and intensity of symptoms. DBT teaches distress tolerance skills to manage crisis, such as grounding skills, and mindfulness skills to bring individuals to the present. DBT can address and decrease dangerous behaviors common among survivors or trauma; DBT helps individuals develop effective interpersonal skills for setting boundaries and learning trust the self; and DBT teaches skill to regulate emotions or other symptoms of PTSD on a daily basis.  

DBT is a skills focused treatment based on CBT and learning theory and it is not diagnosis specific. DBT is currently used and a highly effective treatment for an array of mental health issues. If you think DBT could be for you don’t hesitate in seeking a therapist trained to offer Dialectical Behavior Therapy.

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Will I Ever Lead a Normal Life?

From Austria: Will I ever lead a normal life with what I have done and my troubled childhood?

I grew up with constant physical and emotional abuse coming from my parents and my brother. At school I got bullied because of my ethnicity. My parents are asian and I grew up in Austria.

Also I saw my brother and father having physical fights constantly. My father would even get angry at my mother and hit her.

Now that I have become an adult, I realized that I have anger issues as well. I have slapped my mother and I feel terrible for doing so. Also I have thrown things across the room, when I got angry at my parents. These anger outburst have so far only happened within my family. I don’t know what to do. I am scared that because of what I have done and my troublesome childhood I won’t be able to ever have a relationship, because no one would want someone like me as a romantic partner.

As a child I believed life would get better for me one day and that my terrible childhood will prepare me for the future, but now I feel like I have no positive future.

I don’t know what to do next. Thank you for reading my text

A: The first steps for making change are acknowledging that there is a problem and feeling motivated to change. You’ve made those important steps. Now it’s time to make the next one.

If you could manage your anger on your own, you would have done so already. It’s time for you to reach out for some help. A mental health counselor will help you learn the coping skills you didn’t have the opportunity to learn as a child. With coaching and support, someone as sensitive and caring as you are will make progress very quickly.

You are right to be concerned about yourself. When a person hasn’t learned how to handle anger appropriately, it can spill out in ways that damage relationships. The good news is that you are young, you are not in denial about the problem, you are articulate, and you want to change. That all makes you an ideal candidate for making change through therapy.

Another resource for you is a forum or support group here at PsychCentral.

I wish you well,
Dr. Marie

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How to Let Go of the Thoughts that Cause Depression

Depression is different from other illnesses in that, in addition to the physiological symptoms (loss of appetite, nervousness, sleeplessness, fatigue), there are the accompanying thoughts that can be so incredibly painful. For example, when my Raynaud’s flares up, the numbness in my fingers can be uncomfortable, but it doesn’t tell me that I am worthless, pathetic, and that things will never ever get better. During severe depressive episodes, however, these thoughts can be life-threatening: They insist that the only way out of the pain is to leave this world.

Being able to manage our thought stream will direct us toward health, as our thoughts are constantly communicating with the various systems of our body, either sending certain glands or organs an SOS in distress, or a note that everything is fine, resulting in calm. But being able to harness this craziness in the midst of depression and anxiety is so very difficult.

Here are some of the ways I try to let go of the thoughts that cause depression and anxiety. Some days I am much more successful than others.

Identify the Distortions

I have benefited immensely from David Burns’ book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy — from doing the cognitive behavioral therapy exercises he prescribes to identifying the various distortions in my own thinking that he presents in his book and his workbook. They include:

1. All-or-nothing thinking – I look at things in absolute, black-and-white categories.
2. Overgeneralization – I view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
3. Mental filter – Dwelling on the negatives and ignore the positives.
4. Discounting the positives – Insisting that my accomplishments or positive qualities don’t count (my college diploma was a stroke of luck … really, it was).
5. Jumping to conclusions – I conclude things are bad without any definite evidence. These include mind reading (assuming that people are reacting negatively to you) and fortune telling (predicting that things will turn out badly).
6. Magnification or minimization – I blow things way out of proportion or shrink their importance.
7. Emotional reasoning – Reasoning from how I feel: “I feel like an idiot, so I must be one.”
8. “Should” statements – I criticize myself or other people with “shoulds,” “shouldn’ts,” “musts,” “oughts,” and “have-tos.”
9. Labeling – Instead of saying, “I made a mistake,” I tell myself, “I’m a jerk” or “I’m a loser.”
10. Blame – Blaming myself for something I wasn’t entirely responsible for, or blaming other people and overlook ways that I contributed to a problem.

It doesn’t take long to identify one or more of these in your thinking. Just recognizing these traps can be helpful. You might then try one of the methods listed in Burns’ 15 Ways to Untwist Your Thinking. A warning, though: I’d wait until you have emerged from a severe depressive episode before you attempt some of these exercises. I’ve made the mistake of trying too hard to “fix” my thinking during severe depression, which has made it worse. It’s better to focus on the other ways listed below.

Focus on the Present

Although every self-help book I read touches on this, I am just beginning to really learn what it means to focus on the present and to appreciate the healing power of mindfulness, which, according to meditation teacher and bestselling author Jon Kabat-Zinn, is “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.” If we continue to practice this, he explains, “this kind of attention nurtures greater awareness, clarity, and acceptance of the present-moment reality.” It’s not that we don’t feel the hurt, rage, and sadness that lives at the surface of our minds. It’s not an attempt to escape all the suffering that is there. But if we can observe all of our projections into the past and future — and all of the judgments that are part of our thought stream — and simply get back to what is happening right now, right here, we can allow a little room between our thoughts and our reality. With some awareness, we can begin to detach from the stories that we spin and from the commentaries that are so often feeding our pain.

One of the best ways we stay present is by keeping our attention on our breath. Vietnamese Zen Buddhist Thich Nhat Hanh instructs us that with each in-breath, we might say, “Breathing in, I know that I am breathing in.” And with each out-breath, “Breathing out, I know I am breathing out.” In his book You Are Here, he explains that mindful breathing is a kind of bridge that brings the body and the mind together. We start by this simple gesture of watching our breath, and then by this mindfulness of breath we begin to stich the body and mind together and generate a calm that will penetrate both.

Apply Self-Compassion

“Self-compassion doesn’t eradicate pain or negative experiences,” Kristin Neff, PhD, explains in her book Self-Compassion. “It just embraces them with kindness and gives them space to transform on their own.” It gives us the “calm courage needed to face our unwanted emotions head-on.” When I’m in the most pain — especially during a severe depressive episode — it is self-compassion more than anything else (cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, mindful breathing, etc.) that saves me and restores me to sanity. Nhat Hanh says that we should treat our depression tenderly, as we would treat a child. He writes:

If you feel irritation or depression or despair, recognize their presence and practice this mantra: “Dear one, I am here for you.” You should talk to your depression or your anger just as you would to a child. You embrace it tenderly with the energy of mindfulness and say, “Dear one, I know you are there, and I am going to take care of you,” just as you would with your crying baby.

It is so easy to be so cruel to ourselves without even realizing it. The ruminations that are part of depression beat us down and shred us until there is practically nothing there. That’s why it is so critical to apply self-compassion from the start, and treat ourselves, as well as our depression, as the scared little child that needs comforting, not scorn.

Acknowledge the Transience of Things

One of my favorite prayers is St. Teresa of Avila’s “Bookmark” that says:

Let nothing disturb you,

Let nothing frighten you,

All things are passing;

God only is changeless.

Patience gains all things.

Who has God wants nothing.

God alone suffices.

If the religious language bothers you, Eckhart Tolle says much the same when he writes in A New Earth:

Once you see and accept the transience of all things and the inevitability of change, you can enjoy the pleasures of the world while they last without fear of loss or anxiety about the future. When you are detached, you gain a higher vantage point from which to view the event in your life instead of being trapped inside them.

Absolutely everything, especially our feelings and emotions, is impermanent. By simply remembering that nothing ever stays, I am freed from the suffocating thoughts of my depression — the formidable fear that this sadness will always be with me, as well as the circumstances that are causing it. By acknowledging the transience of life, I am again called to pay attention to the present moment, where there is more peace and calm than I think.

Join Project Hope & Beyond, the new depression community.

Originally posted on Sanity Break at Everyday Health.

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Book Review: Who Gets In?

Among the most emotionally fraught issues of our time is the question of who gets in — and who should get in — to the most selective colleges in the nation.

High-profile scholars, educators, and pundits stake out positions in books and screeds. Passionate opinion pieces abound. Legal cases make their way all the way up to the Supreme Court, only to be complicated by subsequent rulings that still have not resulted in total clarity.

What the endless debate about fairness in college admissions needs is a wise, thoughtful, informed, and far-ranging consideration of the issues and rigorous data to support the conclusions. That’s what Emeritus Professor Rebecca Zwick offers in Who Gets In? Strategies for Fair and Effective College Admissions.

I think this book will be immediately regarded as the definitive source on fairness in college admissions, and I expect it to be the gold standard for years to come.

If you were to ask people at random who they think should get into the best colleges and universities, some would say that the answer is obvious: The students with the best records should get in.

From that perspective, getting admitted to a great college is a reward for past performance. That’s not as straightforward as it seems, because what counts as a measure of performance is controversial. Is it grades? Scores on tests such as the SAT or ACT? Letters of recommendation? Evidence of grit?

The goal of rewarding past performance is only one of the five major goals of college admissions that Zwick identifies. Alternatively, schools may want to identify the most talented students – even if their performance on traditional measures is not superb – and nurture them.

Alternately, educational institutions may have the explicit goal of expanding college access to a wider range of people and increasing social mobility. They could also aspire to an admissions policy that maximizes the benefit to society. Or they could simply try to fulfill their own institutional needs. If, Zwick writes, for example, “the school needs more players for the lacrosse team or more oboists for the orchestra,” then those applicants could receive preferential consideration over applicants who do not fill those needs.

Another fundamental question with a non-obvious answer is: How do we know whether an admissions policy wound up being fair (ethical and just) and effective (it achieved what it intended to achieve)?

Should we look at how well the students do in college – as indicated, for example, by their GPA or their rates of graduating? Should we look farther into the future and see how they do in the job market, or whether they turn out to be good citizens? Or is a fair policy one that admits the most diverse class, including students from under-represented minorities as well as low-income or low socioeconomic status students?

The issue of diversity is perhaps the most contentious one in college admissions. Even among those who accept that diversity is an important goal, there is disagreement about how best to achieve it.

For example, there are those who believe that SAT scores measure little more than parents’ wealth, and should therefore be excluded from admissions criteria. Some believe that a good alternative is a percent plan, in which (for example) the top ten percent of students in every high school are automatically granted admission to one of the state universities, as long as they have taken the requisite courses.

Another solution that has been proposed repeatedly over the years is a lottery; establish some minimum qualification – such as a threshold GPA, SAT or ACT score – then choose at random from all the applicants who qualify.

Others suggest that qualities that go beyond grades and test scores should matter. For example, do the applicants show a capacity to overcome adversity? Are they well-rounded? Do they contribute significantly to their communities?

In separate chapters, Rebecca Zwick considers all of these claims and counter-claims and proposals for making college admissions fair and effective – plus a few more.

Zwick has been an eminent educational psychologist for decades, so she has a wide and deep knowledge of the arguments and the results of the relevant studies. She also has something else that adds a unique strength to her conclusions: Access to an impressive trove of data.

The Educational Longitudinal Study includes records from 13,000 high school students who have been followed from the time when they were in high school through graduation in 2004, on to their college careers and achievements beyond college.

Data include their test scores, grades in high school and college, demographic characteristics, and the colleges where they applied and were accepted. Using those data, Professor Zwick was able to provide a new test of many of the proposed admissions policies.

The final chapter ends with seven key principles that should guide the development of admissions policies. Here are excerpts from the last three principles:

• “High school grades should continue to play a key role in admissions, particularly because of their apparent value in measuring students’ tenacity and commitment. Test scores can be useful in identifying talented students who have so far been unsuccessful in school…”
• “Nontraditional admissions criteria and holistic evaluations are not always helpful to those they are intended to support. The less clear the admissions criteria, the more likely they are to benefit the wealthier, more savvy candidates.”
• “Admissions policies should be transparent. Applicants are entitled to know the rules of the game so they can make their best case for admission.”

Professor Zwick has worked for many years at the Educational Testing Service (ETS), but that doesn’t mean that she is an apologist for tests such as the SAT or ACT.

“Asking whether standardized tests are good is much like asking whether cars are good. If they’re constructed well and used intelligently, they can be very valuable. Some are just plain bad. Even good ones can be harmful if misused. None are perfectly reliable,” writes Zwick.

If you read Who Gets In?, I promise you this: You will be surprised. You will be enlightened. You will think about college admissions in ways you never expected.

I have followed the college admissions debates informally for a long time. I thought I knew who was right and who was wrong. I thought I knew what the best studies would show. I was wrong.

As Professor Zwick notes, getting a college education matters. It matters for job prospects, job satisfaction, and pay; for health and well-being; for involvement in civic affairs, and more. So when it comes to college admissions, we need to get it right.

Who Gets In? Strategies for Fair and Effective College Admissions
Rebecca Zwick
Harvard University Press, May 2017
Hardcover, 261 pages
$35

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Which Hot Button Words Are Dealbreakers in Relationships?

I was reading about certain words that should never be used in advertising because they yield poor results. The article pointed out that people are far less likely to click on the word “submit” on a web site because it is too committal. As an alternative, “click here” is better, and “click here to receive whatever is being offered” is better yet. The article went on to point out how language can be a turn on or a turn off when making decisions.

As I read, I started to consider some of the keywords that don’t fly too well in the realm of relationships. I couldn’t help but ponder words like “obey,” for instance; a word that was once the norm in traditional wedding vows (and may still be in certain circles). Using “obey” in the realm of relationships is a deal breaker for many of us, including several terms that mean something similar. (Ironically, when I looked up synonyms of “obey”, “submit” came up!) Even reference to the “head of the household” can be an indicator of a power hierarchy. If this is okay with you, no problem, but if not, paying attention to this kind of terminology may assist you in avoiding some major struggles.

In my work as an online dating advisor, I would guide people to watch for the themes they, or the people they were interested in, posted in their profiles. I encouraged them to watch for the underlying messages that they were sharing through, often unconscious, choices. Repetitious sexual content, mention of alcohol and drugs, complaints about previous partners, a clear portrayal of low self-esteem, or elevated ego are all little red flags to watch for in an online write-up. Even in our face-to-face relationships, we all drop indicators of our beliefs and attitudes everywhere we go through our language and choice of words.

Some words aren’t the issue themselves, but rather the problem arises with the timing of their use. For instance, “love” — a word we clearly associate with relationships — can serve as a bomb if dropped too soon or a detriment if not used soon enough. “Commitment,” “monogamy,” and “marriage,” can freak people out when thrown around too early in the dating process, as well. And equally, at some point in the relationship, a lack of willingness to use these terms may be a deal breaker.

What we call each other at different stages of the relationship may also be an indicator calling for attention. Referring to your date as your “boyfriend,” or “girlfriend” can cause just as many problems as referring to your boyfriend or girlfriend as your “date” or your “lover.” Your level of commitment, or lack thereof, is revealed in your choice of labels, as is how you define the relationship.

How we refer to sex may also be a trigger. For some calling it “making love” (instead of sex) may be an issue, while for others it may be exactly the other way around.

How we talk about previous partners and past relationships can also reveal hot button issues. I have a friend who is adamant that people should refer to their previous husband or wife as “former spouse” rather than their “ex”, as he feels it is far more honoring of the major role they have previously played. While you may prefer not to honor those that have come before you, the truth of the matter is that in time you may be the next on the “ex” list wishing for more honor.

For me, a hot button is to refer to breaking up as “dumped,” as in “I dumped him or her.” We dump trash, not people. Using this term for breaking up can be an indicator that the respect levels of people and relationships may be sorely lacking.

People will often reveal early in the relationship where the big issues will lay ahead simply in their words. The problem is that we don’t often listen, or pay attention until the situation gets out of control. While everyone’s hot button issues may be slightly different, we would all benefit by paying a little closer attention to what is said, what is meant, and what is being revealed.

Rather than just considering what your hot button issues are when someone else utters them, be sure to practice awareness of the words you use as well — the words or the timing of your words, that may be pushing others away. Your own clarity and impeccability with the alignment of your words and your intended meaning will set the tone of deeper discussions, and greater understanding.

What are your hot button words or terms in the realm of relationships?

This post courtesy of Spirituality & Health.

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Borderline or Bipolar?

I have a mental illness for sure. But I am not too sure about what it is. I have some symptoms matching with Borderline and while others match with Bipolar.
Below are the key points:-
1. I am 100% sure that I have a emotional dysregulation disorder. I have difficulty regulating my emotions. They are rarely, not, intense and sustained. They are triggered almost always by internal/external stimulants.
2. Since as far as I can remember(5 years old), to being 20 years of age – I was generally in a mania state/mood. There were long periods in between, where I would be in intense grief/love, and intermittent short periods of depression, anger and anxiety. But the important thing is that, even in those long periods of intense grief/love, I was feeling grandiosity, a sense of omnipotence, and a very high ego and energy(sleep was normal).
3. There is no pattern of mania and depression in my life. If I go into depression, it is generally triggered(I am very sensitive and thin skinned).

A. Your exact question is unclear. It’s possible that you have a disorder, but confirming a diagnosis is impossible over the Internet. The only way to know what disorder you may have is to visit a mental professional. They will determine what’s wrong and develop a plan to fix it.

Both disorders are highly treatable with medication and counseling. Counseling is the ideal place to learn how to regulate emotions. Emotional regulation is a learnable skill. It helps us maintain stability in our daily lives.

My advice is to consult a mental health professional. They will determine if you have borderline or bipolar disorder. They will also provide advice about how to treat these disorders. In the meantime, it would be helpful to continue to document your experiences in writing. Bring that information to your first appointment. It will help your therapist clarify the problem. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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The New Perfection: Pretty Good

Welcome to the University of North Carolina or, more apropos, the University of No Chance. At least regarding my likelihood of graduation.

A self-conscious freshman, I remember the red ink coating my first Chapel Hill exam. As I replayed the exam, those latent doubts about my academic ability crescendoed into full-throated roars. What am I doing here? I wondered. I don’t belong at such a prestigious university. Will I even make it to graduation?

During my freshman year, Fear Factor was more than a reality television show. There were panicked phone calls to my beleaguered mother. Somehow an Econ 101 exam (or another test) was indicative of my intelligence, academic future, and job employability.

From my admittedly strained logic, an unsatisfactory grade doomed me to a career specializing in office drudgery. In this black and white (and Carolina blue) environment, I first experienced the perfectionist’s pratfalls.

Growing up, I was an unrelenting perfectionist. For one middle school science project, I shredded one draft after another. The project needed to be “perfect” — or else it faced a quick, merciful death in the wastepaper basket. An overflowing wastepaper basket.

Welcome to the perfectionist’s creed. In our ceaseless quest for perfection, we forget that pretty good is, well, pretty good.

As I have aged and wizened, I chuckle and, yes, wince at my youthful perfectionism. But there are still those nagging questions: Is this good enough? Am I good enough?

Like most perfectionists, there is a perverse pride in criticizing — even demeaning — myself. By holding myself up to lofty, unrealistic standards, I inoculate myself from external criticism. It isn’t valid; they don’t share my ambition and drive. But in this vicious quest for perfection, I mastered the art of self-sabotage. As my overriding fear of failure and rigid adherence to perfection threatened to topple me, I would retreat into the familiar and — shhh — easy.

With a hat tip to Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project, I have slowly learned to change my thought process. How so? I have learned to embrace failure — albeit grudgingly.

As a youngster, I chafed at failure. If I couldn’t immediately grasp an academic concept, my roiling emotions would boil over. Perfectionism and impatience have been swirling currents throughout my life, derailing personal and professional accomplishments with a cold sneer.

Even now — before a new challenge, the fear of failure echoes through my synapses. My mind  shrugs off accomplishments with a casual wave. But Rubin’s “failure is fun” maxim reverberates–even more so as I transition into a new profession. I am more willing to embrace the unknown–writing for Psych Central, traveling to foreign countries, pursuing a graduate degree.

Failure still stings — that’s a given. But as a recovering perfectionist, I understand that you can ace one test and fail life’s most important one. And that lesson is more impactful than any degree or Econ 101 exam.

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Book Review: The Stress-Proof Brain

Who wouldn’t love a stress proof brain? The title of this book, The Stress-Proof Brain, is enough to intrigue anyone going through a stressful time.

Melanie Greenberg provides background on how our brains respond to stress and how that response is what determines how we feel. Depending on the situation, our amygdala releases hormones and neurotransmitters that prepare people to either fight or flee.

In the short-term, this can be a good thing; it can energize people and help overcome obstacles. But when this response is continual rather than in response to a genuine threat, it becomes a problem. The good news is that people have the ability to change their response to stressful situations.

Greenberg writes that unmanaged stress has a significant negative impact on health. As people have continual surges of epinephrine, they are also more inclined to have cardiovascular disease, even heart attack. If cortisol is around too long, it can lead to infection, which explains why people who are continually stressed are sick frequently.

While many things in life can’t be controlled, what we can control is our interpretation of what is happening. Part of coping well through changes is having a positive core identity, which means seeing oneself as valuable regardless of negative life circumstances, such as losing a job or going through a divorce.

After a major loss, even minor things can feel overwhelming because there are not enough cognitive resources available to cope. But there is hope for people who feel overwhelmed by the stress.

Greenberg writes about an approach to calming the amygdala, which involves mindfulness and learning how to stay grounded in the present in order to switch out of an overactive state.

By practicing mindfulness, people can slow down their emotions enough so the prefrontal cortex – the CEO of our brains – has time to respond. Rather than being reactive, the prefrontal cortex directs a healthy response to a stressful issue.

One healthy technique involves learning how to slow down breathing, which sends a signal to the amygdala that the perceived threat is over, and that the amygdala can calm down. The practice of simply being present can also help, because it keeps people from worrying about the past or the future, instead focusing on what is happening right now.

Mindfulness doesn’t have to be a complicated process, and it’s something that anyone can do, at anytime. For example, you can practice mindfulness by simply noticing the colors and shapes of items in a room.

So if the response to stress is so bad for the brain and body, wouldn’t it be better to just ignore it? Greenberg says “no.”

Ignoring uncomfortable emotions only exacerbates the problem. Stressful emotions provide information to help people reach goals and reminds them to re-focus. As people begin to learn basic techniques such as feeling grounded in the current situation, they become better able to deal with their emotions without becoming so overwhelmed by them.

Emotions are something everyone experiences and processing them is a part of life. As difficult as it may be, the consequences of suppressing emotions are much worse than doing the processing.

To learn how to not be completely driven by our emotions, we can learn to observe them with a mindset of curiosity and openness, rather than an attitude of judgment. Exercises like writing can help people learn to observe, because the act of writing brings clarity about what’s happening, and can help people see where behavior change is needed.

It may feel overwhelming to change how one thinks in all aspects of life, but it may help to start with just one area. When a person manages stress in one area, they will gain stress-management skills to apply in other areas of life as well.

Working towards a Stress-Proof Brain starts with self-compassion.

For many people, there are things they would never criticize in another person that they criticize in themselves. But self-criticism only leads to more stress.

When there are multiple stressors, and not enough time for recovery, the response to stress will continue to be negative. So it’s important to take time to rest when needed and especially after dealing with a major stressor.

When people are stressed, they tend to narrow their focus and it is this tunnel vision that makes people more inclined to overreact, so it’s important for people to watch for their personal triggers. For example, if watching the evening news is a trigger that results in worry or rumination, people need to be intentional about finding another evening activity rather than watching the news.

Short term acute stressors become chronic problems when the brain and body do not get the needed rest. These stress layers pile on top of each other, so that short-term stressors can become chronic conditions. But over time, people can learn new responses and yes, even people who are extremely negative can learn to create positive states of mind.

Chronic stress can result in inflammation, which contributes to depression, heart disease, and even cancer. Using techniques such as those mentioned above, eating healthier, getting exercise and learning other ways to relax can help people keep stress under control.

The Stress-Proof Brain is suitable for all audiences. Greenberg does a good job of explaining the brain chemistry without it becoming overwhelming for someone who do not have a neuroscience background. She makes a great case for taking stress seriously without using unnecessary scare tactics.

Throughout the book, she provides exercises for people to practice and offers additional resources at the end for people who want to explore further. Since mindfulness is a big part of her treatment for whole person healing, I especially recommend this this book to people who already value the practice of mindfulness.

The Stress-Proof Brain: Master Your Emotional Response to Stress Using Mindfulness & Neuroplasticity

New Harbinger Publications, February 2017

Paperback, 232 pages

$16.96

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Psych Central Attends HealtheVoices 2017 Patient Advocacy Conference

This past weekend, a group of over 100 online health advocates gathered in Chicago to attend the third annual HealtheVoices conference. I attended because of the work I do as a mental health activist. Psych Central’s founder, Dr. John Grohol, sat on the advisory panel, and hosted a panel discussion about privacy and dealing with trolls online.

The organizers describe the HealtheVoices Conference as:

“… a first-of-its-kind, weekend-long conference that brings together online advocates from across various health conditions for an opportunity to learn, share and connect. Sponsored by Janssen Pharmaceuticals, Inc., a Johnson & Johnson company, the conference seeks to provide valuable content, such as tips to further engage and grow an audience; thought-provoking conversation; and networking opportunities for online health advocates.”

First Hand Account of HealtheVoices 2017

This was Dr. Grohol’s third year and my first year attending the HealtheVoices conference. As a first time attendee, my first impression was simply: wow. The three-day event was jam-packed with learning and networking opportunities, with lots of breaks mixed in.

Our agenda included educational classes such as E2 (Empathy and Emotion): Navigating the Advocacy Landscape While Maintaining Your Own Mental Well-Being, Storytelling in a Mobile World, and Media 101: Approaching and Building Relationships with the Media. They even offered Restorative Vinyasa Yoga early Saturday morning.

We also had group meals, where the organizers smartly moved our seats around to ensure we always sat with different people. This afforded us the opportunity to speak to everyone. I must admit, I didn’t initially like the idea, but by the end, I was really impressed with how it encouraged me to step outside my comfort zone and meet new people.

Hands down, my two favorite sessions were The Facebook Family of Apps & the Patient Journey and The 10 Fundamentals of YouTube: How to set a Creative Strategy. I learned a lot that will help me with mental health advocacy. I also realized that companies like Facebook and YouTube aren’t able to respond to health advocates individually. But because we were all in one place and worked together, we were able to attract their attention — hopefully to the benefit of us all.

Dr. Grohol led a panel discussion on the last day of the conference that focused on privacy issues and dealing with trolls online that featured Anna Norton (@thesnowapewife) and Kamaria Laffrey (@mrs_kam).

Mental Health Advocacy Meets Physical Health Advocacy

As this was Dr. Grohol’s third time attending the conference, he noticed the upward trend of mental health advocates in attendance. I heard that in years one and two, only four or five mental health advocates were included. This year, that number had ballooned into 11 total in attendance.

Dr. Grohol said, “I was especially happy to see that we’ve been able to grow the voices of people who represent mental health concerns at this year’s conference, because their voices have historically often been squelched or minimized. To hear how so many people struggle with mental health issues, even when it’s not the primary area of their advocacy, is also an eye-opening reminder that these things affect all of us, everywhere. Mental illness doesn’t discriminate against anyone, for any reason. It’ll hit you just as readily if you’re dealing with a chronic health condition as much as it will if you’re not.”

That mental health and physical health are linked was a great discussion that was had, both formally and informally throughout the weekend. One attendee told me that “just because you have [a physical illness] doesn’t mean you can’t have a mental health problem as well — and vice versa.”

Final Thoughts on HealtheVoices 2017

I believe that Dr. Grohol says it best when he said, “There are some truly amazing people in advocacy doing important work every day, helping others gain the support and understanding we would all look forward to, if newly diagnosed. I also have to express my appreciation for the good folks at Janssen, who have the vision for this conference and have expanded it every year, while listening to attendees’ feedback to keep improving upon it each time.

“Putting all these smart, passionate people together in one room has made a significant difference and impact. It helps to re-energize me every year, and helps me find renewed passion for my own work, too.”

Finally, he added, “This was just an amazing year for patient advocates and activists who attended HealtheVoices 2017.”

 

Janssen Pharmaceuticals reimbursed all attendees for their travel expenses for the conference, including room and board. All opinions expressed in the blog entry are the author’s own.

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A Woman Is Missing from My Life

From Pakistan: I am not in the habit of writing about my problems to total strangers but sometimes things become so complicated that it is much better to seek help.

I am 27 years old and to say that the concept of girl or a woman is missing from my life might be an understatement. Shy as a young boy, I found it impossible to talk to girls and belonging to a conservative family in Pakistan, that did not help, not one bit. The touch of a woman’s body was a longing that nearly made me mad. I went into depression and could not concentrate on anything.

I created a paradigm where I thought I was a moral guy and I will get the woman when I will get married (unlike the States or most countries, marriages in Pakistan are decided by elders).

I turned 27 and still, there is no chance of me getting married. I do not have any girlfriend. This made me mad, crazy and threw me into depression. My work, my daily life struggled. And I did something which I always believed to be the worst ever thing that one can do.

I ended up losing my virginity to a prostitute from Russia. The actual act was so surreal that I just cannot describe the feeling. Now instead of feeling guilty, I am feeling something else entirely. I want more. And this is making me crazy.

I need some advice on how to make rational decisions because I am losing my mind. I am acting weird, speaking weird, all is going down the drain. I want to stop and ask for help before I do something which I regret for the rest of my life.

Your advice in the matter would be highly appreciated. Have a great day.

A:  Of course you want more. You are a healthy young man who wants love and sex in his life. There’s no shame in that. It’s regrettable that in your desperation you turned to a prostitute. But it’s not the end of the world. It’s something to learn from. As you discovered, anonymous sex isn’t what you want and need. I suggest you forgive yourself for a lapse in judgment and focus instead on what you are going to do to find the right woman.

Unfortunately, I simply don’t know enough about how young people in Pakistan meet. You indicated that your elders would ordinarily be helpful. If that is the case, why not ask the elders in your family who know you well to help you find a woman to love? Arranged marriages can and do work if there is a commitment to it from both people. It is one option to explore.

If you are more western in your thinking, then it’s time to take more responsibility for your own growth. Often people find that the best way to meet potential partners is to get involved in an activity or organization that they and other people their age care about. Working on a project together takes some of the pressure off of relating to someone who is new. Over time, friendship and sometimes romantic relationships form. Even when romance doesn’t happen, making more friends will help you meet other people — who might introduce you to others. The challenge is to get into social activities and to develop the courage to show people your good qualities.

Some people think that finding a relationship shouldn’t take work. But I don’t agree. If you were unemployed and wanted a job, you would figure out how to actively look for the job. Relationships are just as important. I think it’s fine to put the same amount of effort into finding a partner as you would if you were looking for a job.

If shyness continues to get in your way, I hope you will consider seeing a counselor to help you work on it.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Psychology Around the Net: April 29, 2017

Happy Saturday, sweet readers!

Regardless of which day you read this, chances are I’m trying (or have succeeded for that day) to get some exercise in. I made an appointment with my doctor last week to find out why I’ve been so, so exhausted lately. Any mental health concerns were ruled out, and my blood test results were top notch (as usual — go me!). So, she asked me about my exercise routine and, well…let’s just say my answer wasn’t what she wanted to hear.

Most of us know exercise is great for our mental health (and we should all know it’s key to physical health!), but did you know exercise can also help with fatigue and exhaustion? I did, but I suppose I was in denial. Oops.

Anyway, while I get my act together, enjoy this week’s edition which covers exercise as a way to help keep older folks’ brains sharp, how one artist uses sketches to illustrate her schizophrenia symptoms, the type of personality disorder that might be linked to certain types of social media use, and more.

Exercise ‘Keeps the Mind Sharp’ in Over-50s, Study Finds: Using a variety of brain tests, researchers saw evidence that aerobic exercises can help improve cognitive functions like thinking, learning, reasoning, and reading, and that muscle training exercises can help with memory and “executive functions” such as the ability to plan and organize.

These Illustrations Show What It’s Like to Live with Schizophrenia: After years of being diagnosed with various mental health conditions, 18-year-old artist Kate Fenner was finally diagnosed with schizophrenia and has used her talent to create art that represents her schizophrenia symptoms including hallucinations and how her condition sometimes robs her of self-esteem. Fenner hopes her honesty will help people understand Hollywood’s stereotypes are inaccurate (and often promote stigma) and also help others feel more comfortable talking about their mental illness.

How to Keep Your Energy Up When You’re Totally Stressed Out: Stress can zap both your physical and mental energy levels, but if you learn how to practice and prioritize, you can get those levels up and balanced.

Tanning Addiction May Be Linked to Alcohol Dependency, Mental Health Issues: A recent study from the Yale School of Public Health (funded in part by the National Institutes of Health, the National Cancer Society, and a grant from the American Cancer Society) examined a possible link between “tanning addiction” and people with other addictions and/other other mental health conditions. People with a psychological and physical dependence on tanning often also show other dependent behaviors and mental/emotional problems such as depression, exercise addiction, and alcoholism.

Gender Differences in Depression Appear at Age 12: A new study analysis based on findings from existing studying covering approximately 3.5 million people in 90 countries confirmed that depression affects more females than males. These gender differences relate to both symptoms and diagnoses and focus on depression appearing at 12 years old.

Having Lots of Facebook Friends and Instagram Photos Could Be a Sign of This Personality Disorder: That’s right, more studies on social media and mental health. Past research has already linked social media to depression and low-self esteem, but now a new study has found a “weak to moderate” link between social media use (especially people who have many social media friends and many uploaded photos) and grandiose narcissism (grandiose narcissism is the type associated with a superiority complex).

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When grandmothers smoked during pregnancy...

Please, do not smoke during pregnancyALSPAC - the Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children - continues to give in research terms as today I want to mention the findings reported by Jean Golding and colleagues [1] (open-access) observing "an association between maternal grandmother smoking in pregnancy and grand daughters having adverse scores in Social Communication and Repetitive Behaviour measures that are independently predictive of diagnosed autism."The study results have garnered quite a bit of media interest (see here for example) with calls for quite a bit more research to be carried out on this important topic. I might also give a hat-tip to Jill Escher and the Escher Fund for Autism who were instrumental in this study. Indeed, her analysis of the Golding results (see here) will no doubt trump my contribution.The Golding paper is open-access but a few details are worth mentioning:As I noted, ALSPAC provided the source data for the study (as it has on quite a few autism research occasions). This time around researchers looked at autistic traits among some of their 14,000 strong cohort comprising "a social communication score, a speech coherence score, a sociability temperament scale, and a repetitive behaviour score." Mothers and fathers of children involved in ALSPAC also provided information about pregnancy including answering questions on whether mothers themselves were/had smoked during pregnancy and also whether their mother (the child's grandmothers on both sides) smoked during pregnancy.The data obtained from the autistic traits measures (delivered at various times of the child's development) and the smoking histories were analysed. Data on some 170 participating children actually diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) were also thrown into the statistical mix.Results: "We found that two of the four autistic traits in the grandchild (F2) were increased in prevalence if the maternal grandmother (F0) smoked in pregnancy especially if the mother herself (F1) did not herself smoke." Researchers also noted a particular association between grandmother pregnancy smoking and grand-daughters over grandsons, and several potentially important confounding variables were also taken into account. They also concluded that "diagnosed autism was also associated with the maternal grandmother smoking in pregnancy" but express some caution in light of the smaller numbers included in this part of the analysis."These results are intriguing" say the authors. Indeed they are. Accepting the reliance on parental report, acceptance of the myriad of other factors that might affect any relationship and the fact that "sets of trait questions were not designed as measures of autistic traits but rather to identify the child’s performance in regard to a large number of attributes at different ages" as a consequence of researchers not originally expecting the prevalence of autism to be anything like it is today(!), further research is indicated. I say this in the context that research looking at any link between maternal pregnancy smoking and offspring autism risk has not consistently found any correlation (see here).Then to the question of mechanism of effect. Well, researchers talk about "two plausible candidate mechanisms" to account for results. First is "transmission of damage to mitochondrial DNA (mtDNA)" where mitochondria DNA is subject to 'mutation' as a result of exposure to tobacco smoke. The researchers noted that: "Mitochondrial transmission across the generations is exclusively via the mother, so is compatible with our observed associations between maternal prenatal tobacco exposure and adverse scores on Social Communication and Repetitive Behaviour measures in her granddaughters." The second possible mechanism is that of "epigenetic inheritance from one generation to the next." This builds upon something of a continuing debate where structural DNA issues (i.e. mutations) are put to one side in favour of chemical alterations to genes (e.g. the addition of methyl groups) affecting gene expression. It's a topic that has been talked about quite a bit on this blog with reference to autism (see here for example) but still needs a lot more science done on it specifically on transgenerational epigenetic inheritance. Smoking is known to have effects on DNA methylation (see here) but the suggestion is that these or other epigenetic effects could continue down into future generations.The potential effects of tobacco smoking during pregnancy in relation to second (or even third generation) autism or autistic traits risk requires quite a bit more study. Importantly, if such results are confirmed in future investigations, it opens up a whole myriad of possibilities in terms of how other previous generational exposures outside of just tobacco smoking during pregnancy might have affected future generations. This research area could get very, very complicated indeed.----------[1] Golding J. et al. Grand-maternal smoking in pregnancy and grandchild's autistic traits and diagnosed autism. Sci Rep. 2017 Apr 27;7:46179.----------Golding J, Ellis G, Gregory S, Birmingham K, Iles-Caven Y, Rai D, & Pembrey M (2017). Grand-maternal smoking in pregnancy and grandchild's autistic traits and diagnosed autism. Scientific reports, 7 PMID: 28448061...

Golding J, Ellis G, Gregory S, Birmingham K, Iles-Caven Y, Rai D, & Pembrey M. (2017) Grand-maternal smoking in pregnancy and grandchild's autistic traits and diagnosed autism. Scientific reports, 46179. PMID: 28448061  

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How to Recover after a Narcissistic Relationship

One of the defining characteristics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a lack of accurate perception of reality. The narcissist sees the world through a self-absorbed lens in which they are the stars and others are there to support and serve them. Those attracted to the narcissist are dazzled by the superficial self-confidence, convincing opinions, charming personality, and shocking persistence.  The non-narcissist frequently abandons their personal beliefs, standards, morals, and values in exchange for peace within the relationship.

But this is where the seeds of dysfunction are laid. The non-narcissist is unaware that their desire for peace is actually a slow corrosion of their identity. As a person becomes relationally entangled, the distorted perception of the narcissist now dominates nearly every aspect of their life. There are new expectations for what to wear, how to act, who to spend time with, when to engage, and where to be. The more the non-narcissist follows the rules, the less clearly they see reality.

Life becomes a filtered lens controlled solely by the narcissist. This foggy view limits a person to see real danger and keeps them on high alert. The survival instinct kicks in as they settle for an anxious environment wrought with fear of disappointing the narcissist sadly believing this is living. So when the relationship ends, it is no wonder the non-narcissist struggles.

The stages for recovery are slow but well worth the effort as in the end, a person can regain their identity and thrive. Erik Erikson’s Eight Stages of Psychosocial Development is used as the foundation for recovery because it highlights the need to begin from the beginning and rework nearly every aspect of a person’s life.

1. Trust vs. Mistrust. In a narcissistic relationship, the non-narcissist is conditioned to only trust the narcissist in all ways of thinking, behaving, and emoting. Any differing opinion, including their own, is shot down and torn to shreds. Recovery must begin with learning to trust the perception of others, especially with those who understand the unique dynamics of this relationship.
2. Autonomy vs. Doubt/Shame. The narcissist frequently uses doubt and shame to subdue their partners because at the heart of narcissism is a person struggling with their own shame. Reversing this pattern means the non-narcissist must make their own decisions even if they are poor. The natural discovery process of learning from mistakes and suffering consequences develops autonomy.
3. Initiative vs. Guilt. The narcissistic ego rarely appreciates their partner taking initiative in the relationship. Instead they accuse the non-narcissist of trying to “control them” or “take over”. If there is one tiny hint of truth in those statements, the non-narcissist feels a parallelizing guilt. Gaining back initiative involves trying new things, exploring creativity, engaging with different people, and rediscovering favorite pastimes.
4. Industry vs. Inferiority. During the relationship, non-narcissist quickly discovers that what they do, think, and emote is always inferior to the narcissist. The narcissist’s constant need for superiority won’t tolerate a partner of equal or greater value. Reversing this pattern requires new thinking. The non-narcissist must constantly remind themselves that, “I am good enough” and “I do do good work.”
5. Identity vs. Role Confusion. Remember the old Pac-man game where the goal was to gobble up as many lesser blobs as possible? That is what narcissists like to do with the identities of others around them because this gives them more power and influence. The non-narcissist is frequently confused as to where the narcissist ends and they begin. Separating from this is difficult as the non-narcissist will need to try on various identities until they find one that is comfortable and best represents their true selves. This is the most time consuming stage.
6. Intimacy vs. Isolation. Narcissists can’t be intimate because even they don’t like their inner self despite the superficial bravado. As a result, the non-narcissist must settle for a relationship where both parties live in isolation. But outside of a narcissistic relationship, there lies the possibility of true intimacy. However, a person cannot be intimate with another person until they accept and know who they are. That is why the previous stage is so vital.
7. Generativity vs. Stagnation. The self-absorbed nature of a narcissist prevents them from giving back to others unless there is some type of outward benefit. Even within the relationship, the narcissist will expect far more than they give in return. Once outside the relationship, non-narcissists find pleasure in guiding others out of the narcissistic fog and into the new reality.
8. Wisdom vs. Despair. A person who stays in a narcissistic relationship long-term develops a sense that this is as good as it can get. They put aside their own wants and desires in exchange for the narcissist’s wishes. Their sacrifice is a silent surrender that few realize or appreciate. But when the narcissistic relationship ends, the wisdom the non-narcissist has gained from surviving the ordeal is staggering. Not only has the fog fully lifted, but the gained perception is crystal clear.

Recovering from a narcissistic relationship takes time. The longer the relationship lasted, the longer it takes to recover. Most don’t see stage six for at least a year. Be patient, there are many good benefits that can be gained from taking things slowly, which of course flies in the face of the demanding, “I want it now” narcissist.

Christine Hammond is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a National Certified Counselor who lives in Orlando and is the award-winning author of The Exhausted Woman’s Handbook.

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