From the U.S: I’m a 14 year old girl. So basically 4 months ago at the end of the school year my parents got mad at me because my grades where dropping. So they took my phone and went through it and found one particularly conversation with someone that I was talking to and I was telling them about a bunch of stuff. I was talking crap about my mom and my stepdad and how I kissed a girl and other stuff that I’m ashamed to admit.
So my parents confronted me about the situation and they wanted me to read the conversation out loud so they gave me the phone. I was so so scared and so ashamed so I deleted the conversation right in front and they were furious and even if it happened all over again I wouldn’t have done it differently because I still believe it was the best choice at the time. They where so mad and my mom started beating me and my step-dad video taped because then I can’t say it’s illegal or whatever. So I was shaking for like 2 days and my face was twitching for like 3 from all the stress. And I could only take 5 minute showers and my moved it to ten.
And even after 4 months I haven’t apologized. I don’t really feel sorry. So that’s what happened before and today my mom was going to take make to a camp and my step-dad said he would take me and I said I already have her clothes and He said I will take you and I said mom’s not asleep she has head phones in and he got mad and started yelling and said things such as just get ready, and why won’t you listen to me. So 5 minutes later I got in the car apologized and said among the same things as before and I said do you want me to not drive you and I said I don’t care who drives me and he said you don’t care? And I said not like that it just doesn’t make a difference who drives me and he started crying and it probably wasn’t just that it was for everything and I feel awful. He doesn’t know that I was him crying and I don’t know what to do. And my parents don’t trust me at all and I’ve been grounded all summer.
Whew! You and your parents definitely need a “do-over”. Things have spiraled out of control, with intentions and communications getting so confused and confusing that everyone is reacting to each other’s reactions. No one seems to be able to pull out of it.
I strongly suggest a few sessions with a family therapist. No, I don’t think anyone has a mental illness (at least, not on the basis of what I read here) but I do think you all need help to step back and to learn how to communicate better.
The teen years are challenging for most families. Yours is not different. Getting things straightened out now will make the next 4 or 5 years go much more smoothly.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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