Stuck in My Own House

Firstly, thanks for whom takes your precious time to help me out.

Since birth, I rarely leave my house; only if in very need. As a result, now with 28 years old, I have never had a single girlfriend in my life and spend a full time day in my house only talking with my mom. With such loneliness I suffer now from a massive depression.

Tried to find relationships online, but only found sexual deviants that only wants you to make sex; the mental healthy people that I am looking for simply aren’t there.

Being alone I find no will or purpose to leave my home just by myself since when visiting places I don’t have nobody to share feelings and thoughts. I feel intense envy looking to other people in group or couples, as well.

Also, when living in the top homicidal country which is Brazil, I feel constant fear of being killed in a assault on the streets. That way I keep myself avoiding leaving my house more and more to the point of a hermit.

While other group social activities like college to meet new people, I tend to avoid after being mild bullied in school times. I don’t have any sort of social phobias, just don’t want to endure a possible bullying scenario in a college and pay expensive for it just to find someone to talk when life can offer me other happier options to socialize.

It has been like this for 12 years. Stuck in my house talking to myself only. No will to do nothing; just meet a special one.

Tried some therapists, but they don’t know quite how to help me. I am scared. Thank you!

A. Knowing “why” someone engages in a behavior is often helpful. At first, you might not have left your home because of habit. Your habitual behavior might have evolved into a phobia. Fear seems to be the root of your problem.

You mentioned your living in a dangerous country, as one reason for not leaving your home but this may be a rationalization. The vast majority of people who live in Brazil are aware of the crime problems, but they still leave their homes. If it’s safe enough for them to leave their homes, then it’s safe enough for you. It is always safer to stay at home, but much of the good that life has to offer lies outside your door. Playing it too safe, means one is not really living and I think you have described the quality of your life as being exactly that way.

You’re frightened of going outside of your comfort zone. You avoid doing things that make you feel uncomfortable. These are common experiences among people with anxiety disorders, particularly those with phobias.

When you think about leaving your home and become frightened and then decide against leaving, you have given into your fear. Each time that happens, your fear is being reinforced and strengthened. Your fear has probably grown stronger over time because it’s being reinforced. That will continue to happen unless you address this problem.

You could eradicate your fear by engaging in the very things that frighten you the most. In your case, that would be leaving your home even when you’re frightened, uncomfortable and don’t want to do it. I don’t suggest you try that without the assistance of a mental health professional.

Counseling is the ideal solution to this problem. You’ve tried several therapists but you should keep trying until you find one who can help you. Choose a therapist who specializes in avoidance behaviors and phobias. There are therapeutic solutions to this problem and it’s very curable. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

from Ask the Therapist http://ift.tt/2k4tAqa
via https://ifttt.com/ IFTTT