Hi :) So I recently broke up with my boyfriend and best friend (two months ago). I am at rock bottom as I’ve experienced rape, abuse, dropped out of college to pursue my ambitions but it’s not working out. He was also going through a lot, a life changing surgery and recovery. He broke up with me because he felt that he needed to regain his strength alone before using his energy on a relationship and would like to meet up after he regained his confidence. I had accepted his decision and we remained best friends. He asked for space which hurt me as I need support during my trying times and I’m getting support from my friends but not from him. He ignored my email when I explained how I felt. I feel like it’s unacceptable to ignore someone at their worst as I was there for him at his worst. I don’t know if I can forgive him for this. Am I overreacting? We were always great at communicating but now he refuses to reach out and ask how I’m doing. He’s not there for me at my worst so he doesn’t deserve me at my best? Is this rational thinking? (From South Africa)
A: I would take him at his word in that he has nothing to offer you, that he is concerned with his own recovery, and that he can only meet up with you when he is feeling better. From what he seems to be saying there isn’t much here to bank on. He isn’t available to you — and is only promising to meet up somewhere down the road. This isn’t a strong hook to hang your hopes on.
Take the best parts of your relationship and let yourself look for someone who can be more available for your needs. You were drawn to your boyfriend’s potential, but his reality is something different. I’d look for someone who has more of what you need to offer.
This doesn’t mean you can’t be friends, but don’t expect more from what he already has told you he can give.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral
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